Battery Puns
1. I was going to tell a joke about alkaline batteries, but I didn’t want to be too basic.
2. I entered my battery collection into a competition, but it didn’t win any awards. I guess it just wasn’t nobel enough.
3. Did you hear about the battery that was feeling a bit off? It needed to recharge.
4. Why don’t batteries tell secrets? They like to keep things on the down low.
5. The batteries started singing together in perfect harmony. I guess you could say they had good chemistry.
6. I told my friend his battery puns were lame, but he said they were just so-so.
7. The energizer bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
8. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
9. I wanted to make a joke about sodium batteries, but Na, people don’t react well to those.
10. Did you hear about the battery who studied really hard? He was determined to get a good voltage.
11. The battery couldn’t find its partner at the party. It was feeling a bit despondent.
12. I tried to come up with a lithium-ion battery pun, but none of them had much charge to them.
13. My friend got attacked by a gang of batteries. Police said it was an assault with a battery.
14. The battery wasn’t included in the band. He felt excluded and wanted to revolt.
15. The lazy battery just couldn’t seem to get amped up about anything. It had no energy.
Battery One-Liners
16. I tried holding 2 batteries together to make them work, but it seems you actually need a spark for that kind of chemistry.
17. They say battery life gets shorter as you use it more. I guess I drain my own battery too much.
18. I told my nephew batteries have good conductivity. The little rascal now licks every battery he finds!
19. Batteries love to hang out together and share electron. I guess you could say they have ex-static personalities.
20. They say if you play audio backwards, you can hear satanic messages. But if you play a battery backwards, it just gets charged up.
21. I caught my battery cheating on me with the device I put it in. Some real shady dealings there.
22. Batteries have to stick together, because like poles repel.
23. I told my friend his battery puns were lame, but he said they were just so-so.
24. Why don’t skeletons need batteries? Because they’re powered by bone generators!
25. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.
Best Battery Jokes
26. Last week my watch battery died, so I went to the store to get a new one. I asked the clerk if they had a battery for my watch and he said, “Yes, we have watch batteries.” So I said, “Well can you watch it while I get a battery?”
27. Did you hear about the electrician who got shocked installing a car battery? He had a jumper cable walk-in accident. Luckily he didn’t get too amped up about it.
28. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
29. My friend got in trouble for bringing a battery, a potato, and a bottle of sauce to school. The teacher called it a salt and battery pack.
30. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will let it go, let it go.
31. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
32. I bought a brand new battery recently, but I think it’s defective. It came uncharged. So I tried charging it overnight, but when I woke up and checked on it, it was gone. I think the battery ran away and escaped in the middle of the night!
33. I was changing the battery in my smoke detector the other day and I accidentally dropped the battery and broke it open. Battery acid got everywhere and there was smoke filling up the room. I guess you could say that battery really set off my smoke detector!
34. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
35. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
36. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador!
37. I took my new batteries back to the store. They weren’t included and I felt ripped off.
38. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
39. I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
40. Talking to her about battery maintenance is like pulling teeth.
41. I recently entered into a business agreement with Duracell and Energizer to sell their batteries. It was a lucrative merge deal between a battery giant and battery big.
42. Last Halloween I wanted to dress up my alkaline batteries as famous scientists, but the costumes just ended up being too basic.
43. Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
44. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
45. A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils.
46. My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a battery at his face.
47. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
48. They say you learn something new everyday. Today I learned that batteries don’t taste very good.
49. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
