Bath Puns
1. I wanted to take a bath but there was no tub—just a sink. I guess you could say the bathroom was in-complete.
2. I slipped getting out of the bath the other day. Thankfully I didn’t get hurt—I just fell tub over teakettle.
3. My friend was bragging that his new bathroom has a huge tub. I said, “Wow, that sounds tub-tastic!”
4. I was feeling down so I took a bath to relax. You could say I needed an emo-tub.
5. I tried to take a bubble bath but I just farted a lot in the tub. It ended up being a bubble bath fail.
6. How does Moses make his bath water warm? He uses the Ten Command-mints.
7. I slipped getting into the tub and bruised my backside. I guess you could say I took an ugly bath.
8. Did you hear about the submarine that could only take baths? It was a tub-marine.
9. Why are bubble baths so bubbly? They’re soda pressing.
10. My friend installed a new jacuzzi tub in his bathroom. I told him it looks hot—he said, “No, it’s warm water.”
11. I like taking baths because they give me time to just soak up life.
12. I tried to take a bath with my dog once. It was a wash.
Bath One-Liners
13. I slipped in the tub—talk about getting caught bath-handed!
14. Don’t bother me, I’m in tub mode.
15. Bubble baths make me feel squeaky clean.
16. Rub-a-dub-dub, it’s bath time for this tub.
17. Tubthumping to my favorite bath time tunes.
18. Splish splash, I was taking a bath.
19. Bathtime is my happy place.
20. Bathing suit? More like bathing is my suit.
21. Tubular times in the tub.
22. Making a splash in the bath.
Best Bath Jokes
23. I was feeling stressed so I decided to take a bath and relax. I lit some candles, put on some music, and soaked in the tub for a while. After about 30 minutes, I realized I forgot to add any water! I had just been sitting in an empty tub this whole time. Definitely not as relaxing as I had hoped.
24. My three-year old daughter walked in on me while I was taking a bath. She pointed at me and yelled, “Mommy, what’s that?” I told her it’s where babies come from. She seemed puzzled for a second then she brightened up and said, “Ohhh, so that’s where I came out of your tummy?” I nearly died laughing.
25. I was super exhausted and decided to take a bath before bed. I must have dozed off in the tub because next thing I knew, my husband was knocking on the bathroom door yelling “Are you ok? You’ve been in there over an hour!” I got out only to find myself ridiculously pruney from head to toe. Moral of the story – don’t take a bath when you’re tired.
26. My wife was taking a bath when suddenly she shouted, “Honey, come here and bring a sponge!” I rushed in and asked what was wrong. She said, “I just farted in the tub and it smells so bad, I need you to fan it out the window.” That was the last time I took a bath with her.
27. I was excited about the new jacuzzi tub we had installed in our master bath. I decided to try it out one night with a bath bomb and some wine. About 30 minutes in, I realized I couldn’t get the darn jets to turn off. No matter what button I pushed it just kept the jets going full blast. I finally had to drain the tub and get out just to make it stop. Note to self – read the owner’s manual first next time.
28. My husband was on a business trip so I thought I’d treat myself to a relaxing bubble bath. I brought in some champagne, lit some candles around the tub, and soaked for over an hour. When I stood up to get out, I got super dizzy and fainted on the bathroom floor. When I came to, I realized the hot water had given me a bad case of the vapors. Let’s just say my pampering evening did not end as planned.
29. One night my wife was taking a bath when I decided to play a little prank. I snuck into the bathroom and grabbed her towel, then went and hid it in the closet. A few minutes later I heard her shout from the tub “Honey, can you bring me my towel?” I yelled back “Sorry, I can’t find it anywhere!” She wasn’t too happy with her soaking wet naked walk to the closet, but I still think it was pretty funny.
30. I was in the middle of blow-drying my hair after a shower when my husband ran in and said “Hurry up, you need to take a bath!” I said “What? I just got clean.” He said “The tub is overflowing, water is leaking down to the kitchen!” I ran in to find the bath overflowing with bubbles everywhere – he had put the entire box of bubble bath in as a prank. That was definitely a time I got caught bubbles down.
31. One afternoon my wife was taking a bath when suddenly I heard her scream at the top of her lungs. I sprinted into the bathroom thinking something terrible had happened. When I got there, she pointed to the corner and yelled “Look, a spider!” I took some tissue and disposed of the little intruder. Afterwards I teased her and said “Really dear, all that commotion over a tiny spider?” She blushed and said “I know, but they just creep me out when I’m in the tub!”
32. My husband and I were looking at model homes when I really had to use the restroom. We walked into a nice master bathroom with a huge soaking tub in the middle. I quickly shut the door and attempted to go to the bathroom when suddenly the jets in the tub turned on full blast, scaring me half to death. I let out a scream which brought my husband and a sales agent rushing in. They got quite a show with my pants down and the tub bubbles overflowing. Most embarrassing model home visit ever!
33. One night I filled up the bathtub with nice hot water and grabbed a book, looking forward to a peaceful soak. I had just stepped into the tub when my husband burst in saying “Don’t get in yet, I have to poop!” He rushed over to the toilet and did his business while I stood there half in the tub, mortified. Let’s just say the mood was killed and my relaxation plans went down the drain after that unwanted intrusion.
34. My husband and I were going through a DIY bathroom remodel so our only working toilet was in the unfinished bathroom. One day I really had to go, but he was in the middle of a bath. I pleaded “Hurry up, I need the toilet!” He yelled back “Just go in the tub, I can rinse it down after!” Given the emergency, I had no choice but to take him up on the offer. Let’s just say he was quite shocked when he got out and discovered my surprise gift.
35. One evening I decided to take a bath while my husband was watching TV. About 15 minutes in, the doorbell rang which meant our Chinese food delivery had arrived. I yelled to my husband “Can you get the door? My hands are wet!” He called back “I can’t, I’m on an important business call!” Five minutes later, I shrieked “Hurry the food will get cold!” He shouted back angrily “I said I’m busy, get it yourself!” So I threw on a robe with dripping wet hands, rushed downstairs and opened the door to the deliveryman. He took one look at me and ran away, leaving the food behind. I can’t say I blame him for not wanting to see a soaking wet, half naked angry lady!
36. My wife and I were dog-sitting my parents’ golden retriever while they were away. One night, my wife decided to take a relaxing bubble bath. She brought the dog into the bathroom to keep her company. A little while later, I heard screaming and ran in to see what was going on. Apparently the dog had jumped in the tub with my wife and popped all the bubbles, covering them both in suds. She was less than thrilled by the soggy surprise guest in her peaceful bath time.
37. I was in the middle of a nice warm bath when I felt something tickling my leg. I looked down to see a huge cockroach crawling up from the drain. I freaked out and leapt out of the tub as fast as I could, crashing into the towel shelf and knocking everything onto the floor. The commotion brought my husband running to see what had happened. When I told him there was a roach in the tub he didn’t believe me at first, until he took a look. We ended up having to spray the bathroom down entirely before I would set foot in there again. So much for a quiet, relaxing bath!