Angel Puns
1. Why did the angel get in trouble in heaven? He had un-hallowed wings.
2. What do you call an angel who is always late? A cheru-bimbo.
3. How do angels greet each other? Halo there!
4. Why was the angel smiling while playing golf? She had a hole-in-one!
5. Where do baby angels sleep? In their cloud-les.
6. What do you call an angel who works at a circus? An angle in the big top.
7. How do angels keep their halos straight? With angel hair pasta.
8. What do you call an angel beekeeper? A honey of an angel.
9. Why don’t angels like bowling? It’s hard to hold the ball with their harps getting in the way.
10. What do you call an angel who rarely visits Earth? An air angel.
Angel One-Liners
11. I wanted wings like an angel, but all I got were these back pains.
12. I was hoping to see an angel, but all I saw was a bit of dust in a ray of sunlight.
13. They say every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. Well, looks like we’ve got a shortage of bells around here.
14. I’m no angel, but I’m pretty close…my name starts with the same 3 letters!
15. I’m convinced my dog is actually a fallen angel. There’s no other explanation for that halo of fur!
16. Don’t let this angel face fool you – I can be a little devil when I want to be!
17. Angel or not, if you keep waking me up this early, I’m gonna need some caffeine.
18. My angel left me for a devil – talk about a bad trade!
19. I was late to my halo polishing appointment again – being an angel ain’t easy!
20. Do angles count as angels too? Because I could really use some divine intervention in geometry class!
Best Angel Jokes
21. One day a man died and went to heaven. As he stood at the pearly gates, he saw a man in flowing white robes, with a long, flowing white beard to match. “Are you God?” he asked.
“No, I am not God,” the man replied. “I am Peter. God is beyond these gates.”
Just then, another man approached wearing robes identical to Peter’s but with a neatly trimmed beard.
“Peter? Peter?” The new arrival said with a puzzled look. “I’m confused. You look like me, but I’m the real Peter.”
As they talked, trying to figure things out, a third man, again dressed identically, came up and asked “Peter? What’s going on here? I’m Peter!”
As the three were arguing about who the real Peter was, an angel walked up and interrupted them.
“I can explain what’s happening. You see, up here in heaven we don’t need saints anymore. There are so many good people coming through the pearly gates that you three were hired to stand here and just make them feel comfortable.”
22. An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the head professor that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the professor selects infinite wisdom.
“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the professor, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”
The professor sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”
23. Three friends die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
Answer… “They’re Carol’s.”
24. An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
“Done!” says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, “Say something.”
The dean sighs and says, “I should have taken the money.”
25. Tom, Dick and Harry die in a car accident on Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
Tom searches his pocket, and finds some mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
Dick presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
Harry pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, “How do these represent Christmas?”
“They’re Carol’s!”
26. What do you get when you cross an angel and a demon? A holier-than-thou attitude.
27. Why don’t angels play chess? Because they don’t have any openings.
