Alien Puns
- Why don’t aliens take aspirin? Because they don’t want to experience little green headaches!
- Why did the alien get bad grades in math class? Because he couldn’t count past infinity!
- Did you hear about the alien who failed his driving test? He kept abducting vehicles instead of driving them!
- What do you call an alien who likes eating leaves? An extratree-strial!
- Why don’t aliens trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
- What’s an alien’s favorite candy? UFOs (Reese’s Pieces)
- Why don’t aliens eat clocks? It’s too time consuming.
- What do you call an alien in a suit? An extra-terrestrial!
- Why don’t aliens take coffee breaks? The process is too alienating.
- Why did the alien keep getting hit by cars? He kept taking up too much space!
Alien One-Liners
- My friend claims he was abducted by aliens, but I think he’s just starry eyed.
- I tried calling the mothership last night, but I got a wrong number message.
- Take me to your litter box! I come in peace!
- Make alien abductions great again!
- Have you tried turning it off and on again? Works for my spaceship!
- How many aliens does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No one knows, they always work in the dark!
- I swear my dog is an alien cause he keeps destroying all my plants!
- Take my wife, please. My alien wife!
- Do these antennas make my head look big?
- We come for your cats. Bring us all the cats!
Best Alien Jokes
21. One day a flying saucer landed in a farm field. The farmer went out to investigate and was greeted by an alien. “Take me to your leader,” said the alien.
“I don’t know where he is,” said the farmer.
“Well then,” said the alien, “take me to someone in charge.”
The farmer thought for a minute and said, “I’m sorry, you’re just going to have to deal with me.”
22. After arriving on a new planet, the alien confronted a earthling. The alien said, “Take me to my leader.”
The human replied, “Sorry but your leader isn’t here.”
“Then take me to your second in command,” the alien said impatiently.
Again the human said, “Um, there’s no one here like that.”
“In that case,” said the alien, “could you just take me to Sarah Connor?”
23. What do you call an alien species that looks like broccoli? Broccolions!
24. Three aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, “Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.” The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond. The younger alien became angry at the gas pump’s haughtiness. The middle alien, annoyed by his friend’s outburst, said, “I knew this was a waste of time.” The third alien, a senior who held the wisdom of many, could only sigh.
25. A UFO landed in a farm field late one night and an alien with green skin and big black eyes met the farmer and said, “Take me to my leader.”
The farmer stared blankly and replied, “You’re looking at him.”
The alien was confused, so the farmer explained, “We’re a democracy here on Earth. We don’t have ‘leaders’ anymore, we have representatives that we elect.”
“A democracy?” asked the alien. “That must take forever to get anything done!”
“You said it!” laughed the farmer. “Want to complain about politics over some lemonade?”
“Sure!” said the alien. And so the two strange lifeforms sat down for a chat.
26. An alien couple landed their saucer in a farmer’s field. They approached the farmhouse and knocked on the door. No answer. The farmer’s wife screamed when she looked out the window and saw the two aliens.
“Don’t be afraid,” said the alien man, “we come in peace.” He then introduced himself and his wife.
“What do you want?” asked the farmer’s wife.
“We understand this is the traditional greeting,” said the alien man, “but we do not actually want you to take us to your leader. Shocking, we know, but we’re really just simple tourists. If you’re free later, we’d love to sample this ‘lemonade’ beverage we have heard so much about.”
27. The alien mother ship landed on earth and an alien general stepped out and loudly demanded “Take me to your leader!”
The president was brought in to meet the alien. The alien said “We have been monitoring your transmissions and have concluded that your planet is ideal for conquest given your disunity and chaotic nature.”
The president, unperturbed, responded “With all due respect, we have been monitoring YOUR transmissions as well and we have found your condition most fascinating…”
The alien general scoffed “Oh? And why is that?”
“Because you have NO leader!” exclaimed the President gleefully.
The alien grumbled “Touche” and left.
28. After the alien ship landed, a voice boomed “Take me to your leader!”
Military leaders quickly discussed and decided to bring a kind old lady to meet the alien. She offered tea and cookies and chatted about her grandchildren. The charade worked.
After returning to the ship, the alien general told his comrades “There’s no intelligent life on Earth. But the tea was exquisite.”
29. The alien ship landed on the White House lawn. The ramp lowered and the alien commander emerged. “I demand to see the human leader!” he shouted.
Secret Service agents hustled the President out. “I present, the leader of the free world,” said an agent.
The alien stared. “Seriously? This is your best?”
The President shrugged. “Hey, they voted for me.”
The alien chuckled. “Well, I suppose we have misjudged humanity.”
30. The alien mother ship silently entered Earth’s orbit and sent a single small scout ship ahead to gather intel. The scout ship landed in a remote area and a lone alien slowly emerged to scan its surroundings.
Seeing no humans in sight, the alien began wandering through the nearby town where it came upon a playground full of human children. As the curious children surrounded the out-of-place alien, one brave child spoke up and said “Take me to your leader”. The alien paused, scanned the child quizzically, then turned and walked back to its ship without a word.
More Alien Puns
- What do you call an alien who’s a bad driver? A U-Turn!
- Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in alien poop? He had a space case of the runs!
- What do you call an alien pet? An out-of-this-world fuzzball!
- How does an alien keep their spaceship clean? With a meteor shower!
- What do you call an alien phone book? The Intergalactic Directory!
- Did you hear about the restaurant on Mars? Great food, no atmosphere!
- Where do astronauts leave their spaceships? At parking meteors!
- What vegetables do alien kids hate to eat? Zucchinis from another planet!
- Why don’t aliens eat eggs for breakfast? Because they prefer starches!
- What’s an alien’s favorite TV show? Anything out of this world!
More Alien One-Liners
- The truth is out there. But I forgot where I put it.
- Trust me, I’m not an alien…I’m just not from around here.
- Make Earth weird again!
- I come in peace, please take me to Taco Bell.
- So long and thanks for all the cats!
- I want to believe…that you have more cat videos.
- My GPS says to turn left at the Milky Way.
- They tried to tow my spacecraft but I told them it’s not a flying saucer.
- I swear my roommate is an alien cause he keeps probing my stuff!
- Take me drunk, I’m home… Wait…
More Best Alien Jokes
51. After finally getting approval to visit Earth, the aliens were very excited. For years they had listened closely to our TV signals to learn our culture and customs. One alien was particularly keen to try out his knowledge of the traditional human greeting.
As they landed in the middle of Times Square, he confidently emerged from the spaceship and approached the nearest human. Extending his hand, he proudly said “Take me to your weeder!”
52. Three aliens from the planet Mars appeared in a flash of light in the middle of Central Park one afternoon. Impressed by the skyscrapers, the hustle and bustle, and the dogs walking their humans, one of the aliens proclaimed “This place is amazing! Let’s go meet their leader.”
His friend replied “Hold on, we should walk around and learn more first. Plus we need to find some disguises so we blend in.” The third alien scoffed “Disguises? Don’t be silly! Just ask someone where we can find the leader.”
With that, he confidently strode up to the nearest hot dog vendor and said “Earthling! Take us to your weeder!”
The vendor blinked a few times and responded “I think you want the gardening store on West 23rd, my man. Good luck with the weeds!”
53. The alien mother ship came to hover ominously over New York City. Finally, the waiting humans saw movement and a small pod launched down towards Times Square. As it landed, the hatch opened to reveal a small, gelatinous alien.
“Earthlings…” it began in a gurgly voice, “Take me to your litter.” The alien paused and corrected itself, “Your leader… take me to your leader.”
The crowd murmured in confusion until one construction worker stepped forward with a litter box full of sand. “Here ya go little fella,” he said gently. “Welcome to Earth.”
54. The alien ship landed on the White House lawn in the middle of the night. As the door opened, soldiers encircled it and pointed their weapons, ready for anything. The alien commander slowly emerged with his hands up.
“I come in peace,” he said. “Please relax, humans. Let us be friends.”
The soldiers cautiously lowered their weapons. The alien smiled and continued “Now then, please direct me to your feeder.”
The soldiers looked puzzled until a Secret Service agent came forward holding a bag of birdseed. He spread it on the grass as the confused alien watched.
55. In the middle of the Nevada desert, an extraterrestrial spacecraft appeared and landed smoothly. A ramp lowered from the ship and out walked an alien diplomat, greeted by the secret agents who had anticipated this exact occurrence.
“Greetings, people of Earth!” proclaimed the alien. “First, let it be known that we come in peace and wish to establish relations with your planet.”
The agents nodded respectfully.
“And now, according to your customs, I ask only this: take me to your litter!”
After a pause, one of the agents solemnly handed the alien a box of kittens.
56. The alien mother ship entered Earth’s orbit and made contact. “People of Earth, we come in peace. Take us to your leader so that we may begin relations.”
After some discussion, the President arrived at the rendezvous site. The alien envoy emerged and greeted him warmly. “We are humbled to meet the leader of this great planet. We have studied your culture and customs at length.”
Pausing a moment, the alien assembled his thoughts to perform the traditional human greeting for esteemed persons. “Earth leader, we ask one thing: please, take us to your reader.”
The President smiled and handed them a copy of ‘Green Eggs and Ham’.
More Alien Puns
- What do you call an alien who steals your closet space? A hanger-on from outer space!
- Why was the alien up for a promotion? He exceeded all earthly expectations!
- Which planet has the longest days? Mars, because it has 2 suns!
- What’s the best way to communicate with a Martian? Use Marstic Sign Language!
- Where do most alien pets come from? Another dimension!
- What do you call an alien cat? An out of this world furball!
- Why did the alien keep crashing into trees? He kept taking shortcuts through the Milky Way!
- Why was the alien student so happy with his grades? He was over the moon!
- What do you call an alien who loves disco? A sparkle from another galaxy!
- Where do aliens take their pets for check-ups? To the vet in their home planet!
More Alien One-Liners
- So, you’re an alien? Prove it! Read my mind…Just kidding, I don’t have one.
- Take me to our bleeder! Wait, no…your cedar! Oh nevermind…
- We come in peace! And we leave in…uh…more peace!
- You earthlings have it all wrong – we don’t abduct cows, we vaccinate them!
- Intergalactic travel going to warp speed these days.
- The truth is way out there!
- Make Moon great again!
- Ask me if I’m an alien…go on, ask me!
- To boldly go where no alien has gone before!
- My other ride is a UFO!
More Best Alien Jokes
81. The massive alien mother ship entered Earth’s orbit and released a single pod headed straight for the United Nations headquarters in New York. As assembled UN representatives watched in awe, the pod landed and out stepped a towering eight-foot-tall alien diplomat.
“Greetings, people of Earth. We have studied your cultures and customs and come in peace. Now, take me to your reader!”
Puzzled glances were exchanged until a aide came forward holding a Dr. Seuss book. The alien happily accepted it and returned to his ship while dignitaries debated the alien’s strange request.
82. A UFO lands in the middle of the desert and a lone alien emerges to scan the landscape. To his surprise, a convoy of tourist buses arrives at the nearby Area 51 attraction. Hundreds of tourists pour out carrying cameras and alien merchandise. As they notice the alien and crowd around taking pictures, one particularly excited tourist steps forward, points at the alien, and yells “Take me to your retail store!”
83. The towering alien mother ship cast its shadow over Los Angeles before finally descending to hover above city hall. As the humans gathered below looked on, a small pod launched from the main ship. It landed gently on the lawn and out stepped a very lost-looking alien.
“Excuse me, humans. If it’s no trouble, could you direct me to your reader? I seem to have taken a wrong turn somewhere…”
The mayor nodded wisely and handed the alien a dog-eared copy of ‘Goodnight Moon’.
84. As the alien envoy was led into the White House, it looked around curiously. “I have studied your Earth culture and customs. Now, according to tradition, I believe you are to take me to your reader?”
The Secretary of State solemnly handed the alien a children’s book. It looked confused. “Oh! My apologies. I seem to have mis
