4th of July Puns (10)
1. I wanted to have some fireworks for the 4th of July, but all the good ones argon.
2. Why did the firework get stopped by the police? It was letting off some illegal firecrackers!
3. What do you call an American visiting England on the 4th of July? Independence Dave!
4. Why can’t you tell a joke on the 4th of July? Because Yankee Doodle will die laughing!
5. What did one flag say to the other flag on the 4th of July? Happy Independence Day!
6. Why do we celebrate the 4th of July with fireworks? Because America is feeling hot, hot, hot!
7. Want to really impress your friends on the 4th of July? Tell them you know all 50 stars and 13 stripes!
8. Why did the firework factory get shut down? It couldn’t keep its employees in line!
9. How do baseball players stay cool on the 4th of July? They sit next to their fans!
10. What’s the best way to cook a hot dog on the 4th of July? Put some freedom fries next to it!
4th of July One-Liners (11)
11. I’m reading the Declaration of Independence today – it says that all men are created equal, but I still can’t parallel park.
12. The 4th of July – when people with pyromania can watch explosions and pretend it’s patriotism.
13. I’m celebrating my freedom today by sitting in 4th of July traffic for hours.
14. Why does Britain celebrate the 4th of July? Because they get a day off too!
15. What’s the difference between a Yankee and a quick learner? One gets jokes faster than the other.
16. I was going to get my dog a 4th of July outfit, but the only one left was for “hot dogs.”
17. I don’t actually have plans for the 4th of July. I’ll just wing it like the writers of the Declaration of Independence.
18. Got to think of some 4th of July puns. Sorry, I’m drawing a blank – guess my creativity has been shot off.
19. My goal is to gain my independence from salad and gain dependence on BBQ this 4th of July weekend.
20. I’m ready to celebrate on the 4th with some fireworks. Well, the candy, not the explosives.
21. Look on the bright side – at least on the 4th of July you can play with fireworks without getting arrested!
Best 4th of July Jokes (22)
22. On the 4th of July, little Johnny asked his dad, “Dad, why do we celebrate the 4th of July?” His dad replied, “Well, Johnny, that’s the day our founding fathers signed the Declaration of Independence.” Johnny then asked, “Well what happened on the 5th?
23. James and Thomas were out celebrating the 4th of July with some friends. After a few drinks, Thomas turned to James and said, “You know, we should write a letter to the King of England telling him we don’t need him anymore!” James replied, “That’s a great idea! We’ll write it on my desktop publisher and send it via my fax machine!” Their friends laughed and said, “Come on guys, let’s keep celebrating, you’ve had too many drinks.”
24. On the 4th of July, a boy was playing with fireworks in his backyard when one tipped over and fired right at his neighbor’s window, shattering it. The neighbor stormed outside shouting “Alright, who threw that?” The boy paused for a moment, then said “I don’t know but it sure went off with a bang!”
25. Betty was excited for her first 4th of July celebration after moving from England to America. She decided to make her family an American themed dinner, including hamburgers, hot dogs, French fries, and Coke. Her husband took one bite of the burger and said “Is this beef?! You know I don’t eat beef!” Betty apologized and said “Oh dear, I’m so sorry! I’m still getting used to these American traditions!”
26. On the 4th of July, Sarah’s family was hosting a big barbecue in their backyard. Sarah’s friend Sam came over, but was looking pretty down. “What’s wrong?” asked Sarah. “Well,” said Sam, “on the way here, a police car pulled me over and gave me a ticket for shooting off illegal fireworks last night!” Sarah laughed and said “Don’t worry about it! Today is all about celebrating freedom – so let freedom ring… and freedom BOOM and freedom BANG!”
27. A man went to apply for a job as a flag maker for the 4th of July. The manager said, “Alright, to get this job you just need to pass a simple flag making test.” The man did a sewing motion with his hands and said “Piece of cake!”
28. Doug’s family always had big 4th of July parties with tons of food, drinks, music, and fireworks. This year, Doug decided to plan his own party, but he procrastinated on sending the invites. The day of his party came and no one showed up. Doug learned the hard way that you can’t have independence without a declaration.
29. For the 4th of July, Chad decided to try and jump over his friend’s above ground pool on a bike. He pedaled as fast as he could, hit the ramp they had set up, and ended up flying right into the pool, bike and all. His friends started cracking up as Chad surfaced, spitting out water. “Hey at least I’m in the spirit!” Chad said. “Red, white, and blue – I’m rocking this patriotic look!”
30. On the 4th of July, Kevin was super excited to grill out for the first time on his brand new shiny grill he had just bought. He invited the whole neighborhood over and prepared tons of burgers, hot dogs, steaks, veggies, etc. However, after an hour of trying to light the grill, nothing was happening. Everyone had to order pizza instead. Kevin learned the hard way that you can’t have independence without a declaration.
31. For the town’s 4th of July celebration, the mayor decided to save money on fireworks and have a contest to see who could make the best homemade fireworks display. On the night of, the local pyromaniacs gathered in the town square to set off their contraptions. The “grand finale” was just a massive explosion that singed everyone’s eyebrows off. The mayor crossed “budget fireworks” off his list for next year.
4th of July Puns (10)
32. My friend got injured playing with fireworks on the 4th of July. I told him that next time, he should just watch the professionals set them off. After all, they have training in pyrotechnics!
33. I entered my dog in a 4th of July costume contest. I dressed him up as Uncle Sam – but he kept barking during the contest and we lost. I guess I should have practiced more patriotic patience with him.
34. Why can’t you tell a joke about the 4th of July? Because the fireworks will crack up before you get to the punchline!
35. I was going to make some 4th of July themed cupcakes, but all the red and blue food coloring was sold out! I guess everyone had the same icing on the cake idea.
36. My wife got mad when I spent our 4th of July budget on a professional fireworks display. But I needed to express my pyrotechnic patriotism!
37. I entered the 4th of July hot dog eating contest, but I only came in third place. I guess I didn’t manage to mustard the strength for first.
38. For the 4th of July this year, I’m only shooting off snake fireworks. I don’t want anything too flashy – just some nice patriotic rattlers and hissers!
39. My crew was setting up for the big 4th of July concert, but we realized the speakers were all tangled up. I guess freedom isn’t the only thing ringing tonight.
40. I tried to make a 4th of July fruit pizza with strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries. But halfway through, I ran out of dough. I guess I didn’t have enough crust to pull it off.
4th of July One-Liners (11)
41. I’m blowing my entire paycheck on 4th of July fireworks. I’ll be broke, but I’ll go out with a bang.
42. This 4th of July, I’m celebrating my freedom to eat junk food all day and stay in my pajamas.
43. My resolution this 4th of July is to honor our founding fathers by relaxing and doing absolutely nothing all day.
44. This year we’re celebrating 4th of July with a “lights out” fireworks show. Just light the fuse then run!
45. Got invited to a 4th of July party by the lake. Here’s hoping someone pushes me in so I have an excuse to leave.
46. Call me un-American but I don’t really feeling like celebrating the 4th of July… I feel more like napping.
47. This 4th of July I’ll be celebrating my independence from pants by not wearing any.
48. Let’s play 4th of July fireworks or gunshots? Ah, the sounds of freedom.
49. Why can’t orphans celebrate the 4th of July? Because they don’t know independence.
50. I stocked up on ketchup and relish for my 4th of July hot dog eating contest. I’m ready to make a patriotic mess!
51. This 4th of July I’m celebrating my freedom to eat a whole apple pie and pint of ice cream by myself.
