Deez Nuts Puns (30 Jokes)
1. I was walking down the street when someone asked me, “Hey, do you know where Deez Nuts are?” I told them, “Yeah, they’re right here in my pants!”
2. My friend told me he was allergic to Deez Nuts. I said, “That must make it really hard to walk around all day!”
3. I entered a contest for the best Deez Nuts joke. But when they announced the winner, they said “Deez Nuts jokes are old and overused.” I responded, “Wait, are you saying these jokes are outdated and should be retired?
4. I recently got some brazil nuts from the store but they were labeled “Deez Nuts.” I took them back to customer service and said, “Excuse me, I believe you mislabeled these nuts.”
5. I was watching a tennis match and someone in the crowd yelled out “Deez Nuts!” The umpire wasn’t having it though and said, “Sir, you cannot shout vulgarities on the court!”
6. My doctor told me I needed to start eating more nuts, so I asked “What kind of nuts? Deez Nuts?” He didn’t find it very funny.
7. When I’m at the grocery store, sometimes I’ll put a bag of nuts in other people’s carts when they aren’t looking. Then when they see it, I’ll yell “Haha you got Deez Nuts!”
8. I entered the worlds sweatiest nuts competition. The prize? Deez Nuts trophies of course!
9. Why did Deez Nuts cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken!
10. What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback opening for Deez Nuts.
11. My friends and I are starting a band called “Deez Nuts and the Ballbags.” We’re gonna be huge!
12. Someone broke into my house and stole my prized possession – Deez Nuts. The cops asked if I had any other nuts, and I said no just Deez.
13. What do you call nuts that belong to multiple people? Deez Nuts!
14. Why can’t you hear Deez Nuts coming? Because Deez Nuts are stealth nuts!
15. I was walking in the park and saw some kids picking up acorns. I said “Hey! Stop touching Deez Nuts!” Their mom gave me a dirty look.
16. What do you call a nut that can bench press 300 pounds? Deez Nuts!
17. Why did Deez Nuts get arrested at the Trump rally? He was caught inciting violins.
18. Why can’t Deez Nuts keep a job? He gets fired for harassment. Deez Nuts!
19. My friends surprised me by filling my car with Deez Nuts. It was so nuts!
20. What kind of car does Deez Nuts drive? A Nutsche!
21. Why do squirrels like Deez Nuts so much? Because they’re so darn tasty!
22. Knock knock. Who’s there? Deez. Deez who? Deez Nuts!
23. What do you call nuts that hang together? Deez Nuts!
24. Why did the cop arrest Deez Nuts? He was caught with an illegal stash of nuts.
25. How does Deez Nuts like his coffee? Half-and-half (half deez, half nuts).
26. Why can’t you ride a bike with Deez Nuts? It’s just too nuts!
27. Did you hear about the new superhero duo? It’s Wonder Woman and Deez Nuts!
28. Why did the squirrel store Deez Nuts for winter? In case of a nut shortage!
29. How do you know Deez Nuts are around? You can smell his musk!
30. What do you call two nuts on the Vegas strip? Deez Nuts!
Deez Nuts One-Liners (30 Jokes)
31. Got Deez Nuts? Check your pants!
32. Deez Nuts doesn’t have a brain, that’s why he’s so damn nutty!
33. Yo mama’s so dumb, she tripped over Deez Nuts and fell down the stairs!
34. Save a horse, ride Deez Nuts!
35. What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A submarine, you perv!
36. Speak softly and carry Deez Nuts.
37. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Deez Nuts!
38. Got nuts? How about Deez Nuts!
39. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
40. Love me love Deez Nuts.
41. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
42. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
43. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
44. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
45. How does NASA organize a party? They planet!
46. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
47. I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
48. I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na..
49. Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
50. Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
51. Velcro – what a rip off!
52. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
53. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
54. I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
55. How do you drown a hipster? Throw him in the mainstream.
56. I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
57. What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.
58. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
59. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
60. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
Best Deez Nuts Jokes (44 Jokes)
61. Did you hear the news? Deez Nuts got a job as a car mechanic. Turns out he’s great at auto repair!
62. I went to my friend’s costume party dressed as Deez Nuts. Everyone there kept asking to see my costume so I showed them what nuts look like.
63. Why does Superman hate Deez Nuts? Because Deez Nuts is his kryptonite!
64. My friends and I saw Deez Nuts trying to sneak into the movie theater, so we reported him to the staff. They kicked him out for having outside nuts.
65. Deez Nuts checked into a hotel and the front desk clerk asked if he had any luggage. Deez Nuts said no, just these two nuts hanging off my body.
66. What did the right nut say to the left nut? Don’t talk to the guy in the middle, he’s a dick.
67. Why can’t you hear Deez Nuts go to the bathroom? Because the “P” is silent.
68. I saw Deez Nuts sleeping on a park bench so I threw some pennies at him to wake him up. Turns out he’s just a bum with no cents.
69. What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit? A ba-na-na-na!
70. I saw Deez Nuts wearing a leather jacket at the bar and asked if he was part of a biker gang. He said no, he’s just into motor-nut-cycles.
71. Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella? For drizzle.
72. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
73. I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
74. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
75. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
76. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
77. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two tired!
78. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
79. Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
80. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, but then it hit me.
81. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
82. Our wedding was so beautiful even the cake was in tiers.
83. Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because the pee is silent.
84. Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
85. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
86. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
87. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
88. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
89. A termite walks into a bar and says “Hey, is the bar tender here?”
90. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
91. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
92. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
93. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
94. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
95. I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps. He gave me a blank stair.
96. They’re telling us to stay at least 6 feet apart due to COVID-19. I can’t figure out how 6 feet can stop it but 6 feet under will.
97. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
98. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
99. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
100. Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they’re gonna pay – you have my Word!
101. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
102. What do you call a singing laptop? A dell.
103. I wanted to write about fog but mist the point.
104. Parallel lines have so much in common but it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
