Bride Puns
- I heard the bride was panning on wearing white gold for the wedding. I guess you could say she has expensive taste.
- The bride asked the wedding planner to make sure the aisle was extra wide. She didn’t want to bridle her excitement when walking down it.
- The bride’s gown had a long train on it. The groom said, “Wow, that dress is the locomotive of love!”
- The bride vetoed having bouquets at the wedding. She said she didn’t want to hold any floral hostages.
- The bride was busy looking up wedding hair styles. Her friend asked, “Going to show off your mane attraction?”
- The bride was disappointed when she saw the wedding cake. She said, “This confection needs more affection!”
- The father of the bride gave a long toast at the reception. The guests said he really took his speech to the alter.
- The bride prepared all year for the wedding day. You could say she really bridal down for this event.
- The bride asked the florist to decorate the aisle with lilies. She really wanted to walk down the lying pad.
- The bride chose not to wear a veil. She didn’t want to bridle her beauty.
Bride One-Liners
- The bride asked for a groom refund when she found out he snores.
- The bride made sure to register for all kitchen appliances. After the wedding, her kitchen will be bride and improved.
- The bridezilla demanded that all guests wear couture outfits to her wedding. What a bride idea!
- The bride was distraught when she saw the gray skies on her wedding day. There goes her something blue.
- The bride checked the weather forecast multiple times before the wedding. She wanted sunshine on her big day, not cold feet!
- The father of the bride cried when he saw his daughter in her gown. The guests said he was all choked up at the alter.
- The bride made her own floral arrangements to save money. She wanted to bouquet on a budget.
- The bride chose a red and white color scheme for the wedding. She looked radiant walking down the aisle.
- The groom’s toast was so touching it left everyone in tears. His speech really struck a chord.
- The bride insisted on writing her own vows. She wanted to express her true bridal emotions.
Best Bride Jokes
21. Sally was beyond excited that her wedding day had finally arrived. She had been planning the event for over a year and couldn’t wait to walk down the aisle. As Sally was getting ready, her mother came into the bridal suite holding a box. “This is your something old and something blue,” she said, handing Sally a box with a beautiful antique sapphire necklace inside. Sally gasped as she looked at the stunning heirloom. “It’s beautiful mom but isn’t this necklace expensive?” she asked. “Don’t you worry about that!” her mother replied. “I sold one of your kidneys to pay for it.”
22. Stacy was dreading her upcoming wedding after finding out her fiancé Brad had cheated on her multiple times. As she walked down the aisle, Stacy whispered to herself, “Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it’s breaking.” When she reached the altar, Brad smiled and said, “I promise to love and cherish you forever.” Stacy leaned in closely and whispered back, “I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too.”
23. Angela was annoyed to find out her future mother-in-law Beverly had invited over 200 guests to the wedding without asking. During the reception, Beverly kept grabbing the microphone to give endless toasts. After the fifth rambling speech, Angela grabbed the mic and said, “Thank you Beverly for that marvelous tribute. Now let’s raise a glass to the second happiest day of my life!”
24. Stressing over every little wedding detail, Bridezilla Brenda was making everyone miserable. She scolded the DJ for not having the right songs and yelled at the caterers for not preparing the food exactly as she demanded. As Brenda raised her champagne glass to give yet another toast, a bird flying overhead pooped right into her glass. The guests all cheered loudly for the bird’s perfect timing.
25. Rita was marrying Victor after a whirlwind romance of just three months. Right before saying “I do,” Victor leaned in and whispered, “Are you having any second thoughts?” Rita smiled and whispered back, “Just third, fourth and fifth ones.”
26. When Katie started looking up divorce lawyers instead of wedding hair styles, she knew the marriage was doomed. Katie decided to get revenge at the wedding reception. When it came time for the garter toss, she slipped a pair of handcuffs on the garter and threw it right at her clueless groom.
27. Brenda was shocked when she saw the emaciated celebrity officiant who was marrying her and Troy. “I wanted George Clooney, not Skeletor!” she complained. The bony officiant grinned and said in his creepy voice, “Let’s cut to the chase shall we? Mazel tov!”
28. Rita discovered her fiancé Frank was secretly broke after they put down deposits for an elaborate, expensive wedding. The day before the ceremony, Rita had an idea to get reimbursed. As she walked down the aisle, Rita smiled and gave a thumbs up sign to the cameraman from “Don’t Tell the Bride,” the reality show that pays for extravagant weddings.
29. Melissa’s maid of honor speech began sweetly recounting their childhood friendship but quickly turned into her screaming, “You always steal my boyfriends you two-faced witch!” and punching the bride right off the stage. The horrified groom immediately filed for an annulment.
30. When the pastor asked if anyone objected to the marriage, the bride-to-be Julie shouted, “I object!” Julie explained she realized on the way to the altar that she’d rather live happily single than unhappily married. With that, she gathered up her gown and walked right out the door by herself.
More Bride Puns
- The bride asked the event planner to add some bridal pathways around the venue. She wanted well-marked walking routes for the guests.
- The bride made a strict seating chart for the reception. She wanted to bridle any family drama.
- The bride requested that the florist only use white flowers. She wanted an all-bridal bouquet.
- The father of the bride danced with his daughter alone first. He wanted a bridal waltz with her.
- The bride vetoed candles at the reception, fearing they were a bridal hazard.
- The wedding photographer arranged drone shots of the bride walking down the aisle. He wanted aerial bridal views.
- The bride rode to the church in a horse-drawn carriage. It was her bridal chariot.
- The bride asked the bartender to only serve clear drinks. She didn’t want any spills on her bridal gown.
- The bride chose a simple A-line dress with minimal lace. She wanted an unfussy, bridal look.
- The nervous groom kept pacing before the ceremony. He had a bad case of bridal jitters.
More Bride One-Liners
- The superstitious bride made sure to wear blue shoes under her gown. Needed that good bridal luck!
- The bride asked for donations to charity instead of gifts. What a bridal bargain!
- The bride rode to the church on a white horse. A real bridal stallion!
- The bride made her own wedding cake to save money. DIY for the bridal win!
- The stressed out bride screamed at her bridesmaids over every tiny detail. Full bridalzilla mode activated!
- The frazzled bride wondered if it was too late to elope instead. Wedding regret sinking in.
- The bride chose a couture dress with a massive train. A real showstopper bridal gown!
- The eco-conscious bride ordered recycled paper invitations. Very on-bridal-brand!
- The bride asked for the aisle to be scattered with lavender petals. A fragrant bridal path!
- The groom surprised the bride by writing his own heartfelt vows. Brought tears to all the bridal eyes.
Best Bride Jokes
51. Monica was less than thrilled when her future mother-in-law, Cecilia, offered to sing at the wedding reception. “Your voice is just so beautiful,” Cecilia said, “you must let me perform!” Not wanting to hurt her feelings, Monica reluctantly agreed. After Cecilia shrieked her way through a painful rendition of “I Will Always Love You,” Monica grabbed the microphone and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, that was the reason I learned sign language.”
52. Bianca was horrified when she saw the awful, cheap wedding dress her domineering mother-in-law Rose had picked out. “Don’t you just love it?” Rose gushed. “Now remember, I’m paying, so you wear what I choose!” Seeing she had no choice, Bianca bought the dress. But she secretly made alterations to make it more fashionable. On the big day as Bianca walked down the aisle, Rose gasped and said, “My goodness, that dress looks beautiful on you!” Bianca just smiled and replied, “Oh Rose, I hope you don’t mind – I changed it a bit.”
53. Cynical Janice decided to prank her friends at her wedding by rigging the bouquet toss. Right before throwing it, she switched the bouquet with a stuffed one and threw it directly at her unmarried friend Becky’s face as hard as she could. The bouquet hit the shocked Becky right between the eyes, knocking her out cold. Janice laughed hysterically, high-fiving the unamused groom.
54. Control freak Amanda was making everyone miserable with her obsessive wedding planning. She scolded the baker when the fondant pearls on the cake weren’t the exact size she specified. Amanda then angrily shoved the maid of honor because she seemed “offbeat” while practicing walking down the aisle. Finally on the big day, the priest interrupted Amanda barreling through her meticulously planned processional to ask, “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Amanda shouted, “How dare you disrupt my schedule!”
55. Dana was in a panic after discovering her fiancé Chad had cheated with multiple women right before their destination wedding. When Dana confronted Chad as they were about to walk down the aisle, Chad just shrugged and said the vows were just for show anyway so who cares. Furious, Dana grabbed the wedding certificate, ripped it up and stormed off shouting back, “The wedding’s off but the honeymoon isn’t!” She then went alone on their nonrefundable trip to Tahiti, having the time of her life.
56. Control freak Bridezilla Bree gave her timid fiancé Brad a literal hour-by-hour schedule for their wedding day with the exact time allotted for the ceremony, photos, receiving line, dances, cake cutting and send off. During the reception, Brad decided he’d had enough of Bree’s tyranny. When she looked away, Brad grabbed the schedule, ripped it to shreds, and ran away screaming, “I don’t do strict timelines!!”
57. After discovering her groom’s infidelity, a distraught Penny decided to uninvite all his family and friends as revenge. She even banned his beloved dog from attending. As the groom stood alone at the altar sweating nervously, Penny marched down the aisle glaring and whispered, “I bet you wish all those side chicks were here now don’t you?”
58. Control freak Monica was making her fiancé Shane miserable by obsessing over every wedding detail for two years straight. On the morning of the big day, Shane realized he couldn’t take anymore. He wrote Monica a dear John letter, grabbed his best man Robert, and ran off into the sunset together to elope instead.
59. Demanding bride Portia forced her fiancé Elliott to work three jobs to pay for their lavish, luxurious storybook wedding. Right before the ceremony, a frazzled Elliott had a mental breakdown, grabbed a bottle of vodka from the open bar, chugged it, and then passed out face first into the ten-tier gold dipped wedding cake. The wedding was promptly cancelled.
60. Ruth was annoyed that her opinionated mother-in-law Barb kept butting in with unwanted ideas for her wedding. Fed up with Barb’s pushiness, Ruth finally snapped when Barb said they should just skip all the silly traditions and get right to the reception. Ruth grabbed Barb’s arm, dragged her outside, and said through gritted teeth, “Get in the car. We’re going to city hall right now to make this official before you ruin one more thing!”
More Bride Jokes
61. Dreading his controlling bride Sherry’s wrath on their big day, timid groom Barry woke up the morning of his wedding with a brilliant plan. He left a mannequin dressed in his tuxedo in his place with a note saying “You should marry fake Barry instead, he’ll do everything you say! Bye!” Barry whistled as he walked away to freedom.
62. Jillian was annoyed when her mother-in-law Beverly kept adding more and more guests to the wedding invitation list. When it ballooned to over 300 people, Jillian had enough. During her reception toast, she announced, “To cut costs, we’ll be serving one special cocktail tonight – my famous pruno punch!” Jillian smiled slyly as everyone immediately started leaving.
63. Controlling mother-in-law Eunice was driving bride-to-be Felicity crazy by constantly criticizing all her wedding plans. On the morning of the ceremony, Eunice told Felicity her dress made her look fat. Enraged, Felicity ripped off her gown right there and then stomped down the aisle in just her slip, yelling “Is this less fat?!”
64. Jittery bride-to-be Wendy was panicking about every tiny wedding detail going wrong. While getting ready, she suddenly gasped and said, “What if there’s no wind when I walk outside and my veil doesn’t flow dramatically?!” Her exhausted friend replied, “Don’t worry, I’m bringing a big fan to make sure your veil billows perfectly when you walk out, even if there’s no wind.”
65. Bridezilla Bianca was making completely unreasonable demands of the wedding vendors and venue staff. When the florist said peonies were out of season for her date, Bianca screamed at her to fly them in first class from Antarctica. Finally the exasperated wedding planner put his foot down and said, “I’m sorry but we don’t provide penguin transportation services.”
66. Runaway bride Rachel woke up on her wedding day feeling terrified instead of excited. As she put on her gown, she had an epiphany – she didn’t want to get married yet, she just wanted to party. Rachel scribbled a note to her groom saying “I must go be young and fun! Good luck!” She then jumped on the decorated getaway scooter and rode off into the night alone.
67. Jillian was annoyed when her opinionated mother-in-law Barb kept insisting on inviting random cousins she hadn’t spoken to in years to the wedding. The guest list was getting out of control. Finally at the reception after Barb’s third rambling speech, Jillian grabbed the microphone and said, “Barb, will you please shut up and sit down. We’re already feeding 100 strangers because of you.”
68. Taylor was getting cold feet about marrying her controlling fiancé Jordan who was obsessed with having the trendiest, most Instagrammable wedding ever. The morning of the ceremony, Taylor wrote Jordan a goodbye note that said “I love you but I love myself more” and escaped out the bathroom window. She had an Uber waiting to take her directly to the airport for a solo trip sailed into the sunrise sipping champagne.
69. Bridesmaid Amy was fed up with Bridezilla Brenda’s tyrant-like behavior. The last straw was when Brenda demanded Amy dye her hair because red
