Fire Puns 1. I tried to put out a fire with my hose, but the flames kept spreading. I guess my hose was having a heated debate with the fire. 2. I saw a building on fire and called 911. The firefighter said they’d be there in a flash, so I told him to take …
Michelle Wilson
Couch Puns 1. I tried to move the couch in my living room, but it wouldn’t budge. It was completely stationary! 2. My friend bought a very firm couch. I told him it looks a little rigid. He said, “Yeah, it has no flexibility couch-ions.” 3. I was feeling tired so I decided to lie …
Eclipse Puns (25) 1. I heard two astronomers got into a fight. It was an eclipse of the fisticuffs. 2. The astronomer was moonstruck when he missed the eclipse. He was totally eclipsed with disappointment. 3. The eclipse was sponsored by Moonstruck Chocolate. It was a total chocolate eclipse of the sun. 4. I tried …
Dumb Puns 1. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down! 2. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space. 3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! 4. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus? A Claustrophobic! 5. Why …
Batman Puns 1. Why was Batman bad at golf? He was always getting a hole in one! 2. What do you call a criminal who teams up with Batman? A part-nerd in crime fighting. 3. Batman doesn’t use a cellphone, he relies on Bat signals. 4. What’s Batman’s favorite type of candy? Just-ice cream. 5. …
Double meaning + puns I asked my friend if he wanted to hear a joke about construction. He said, “Sure, I’m all ears!” So I told him, “I’m still working on it.” My friend told me she was terrified of elevators. I said, “Don’t be so lifted up about it!” I entered my pet turtle …
Italian Puns (15) What do you call an Italian who likes to eat pasta and dance? A rigatoni Tony! Why don’t Italians like jeans? Because denim rhymes with condemn! What do you call an Italian who loves math? Al Gebra! Why don’t Italians drink cappuccinos after dinner? Because it’s a meal in itself! What do …
Lactose Puns 1. I cheddar the thought of being lactose intolerant. 2. What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you? Nacho cheese! 3. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable. 4. I read a book about anti-gravity. It was impossible to put down! 5. Did you hear about the cheese …
Pencil Puns (10) What do you call a pencil that ran out of lead? Pointless. Why was the pencil sad after getting sharpened? It lost its point. I tried to write with a broken pencil but it was pointless. My pencil keeps breaking when I sharpen it. I guess it has a short point span. …
Slime Puns 1. What do you call a sticky, gooey monster? A slime thing! 2. Why was the slime late to work? It got stuck in traffic. 3. What do you get when you cross a ghost with slime? An ectoplasm! 4. My friend got hungry and ate some slime. Now he’s feeling a little …