Teacher And Student Puns
1. I heard the new English teacher really likes to read between the lines. His students don’t enjoy reading between the lions.
2. My math teacher asked me to find the lowest common denominator. I said, “No thanks, we already have enough in common down here.”
3. Our chemistry teacher dissolved into tears when she realized not a single student passed the exam. I guess she just couldn’t solve her problems.
4. The history teacher insisted on calling Ancient Greece “the cradle of Western civilization.” I said maybe it’s time to retire that old chestnut.
5. I told my physics teacher that Isaac Newton being hit on the head by an apple was just a myth. She told me to use my critical thinking skills and not take things at face value.
6. The new English teacher marks our essays in red pen. I guess you could say she’s feeling a bit apprehensive.
7. I asked my science teacher, “What’s a meteorologist’s favorite type of precipitation?” She replied, “I don’t know, what?” I said, “Hail! Get it? Hail!” She laughed so hard she started coughing.
8. My teacher told me to stop procrastinating and get to work. I said, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll start tomorrow.”
9. I told my gym teacher I couldn’t participate because I forgot my uniform. He responded, “Well that’s an exercise in poor planning.”
10. Our Spanish teacher was struggling to juggle all her different classes. I told her, “No problema, you’ve got this!”
Teacher And Student One-Liners
11. My math teacher asked me, “What’s one plus one?” I said, “That’s an odd question.”
12. Teacher: “This essay is literally the worst thing I’ve ever read.” Student: “Aw thanks!”
13. Teacher: “Where’s your homework?” Student: “The dog ate it.” Teacher: “Your dog ate your coding assignment?”
14. Teacher: “Quiet in the classroom!” Student: “You quiet!”
15. Teacher: “Pay attention!” Student: “You pay attention!”
16. Teacher: “Detention for you!” Student: “Detention for you!”
17. Teacher: “No talking in class.” Student: “You’re talking.”
18. Teacher: “Put your phone away.” Student: “You first.”
19. Teacher: “Class dismissed.” Students: “You’re dismissed!”
20. Teacher: “Turn in your homework.” Student: “You turn in your homework.”
Best Teacher And Student Jokes
21. One day, a teacher was talking to her classroom about predictions and assumptions. She stated, “Each morning, I assume that all my students will show up on time. I predict that most of you will do your homework. I hypothesize that someone today will have trouble staying awake.” A hand shot up in the back of the room. It was a student named Johnny. “Um, Mrs. Smith, I’m sorry but I don’t really understand the difference between an assumption and a prediction and a hypothesis.” Mrs. Smith replied, “That’s quite alright Johnny. I expect that you’ll learn it in time.”
22. During recess, a teacher noticed a group of students gathered in a circle. She walked over to investigate and saw two boys in the middle pretending to fight. She broke up the pretend fight and scolded the students, “We do not pretend to physically hurt others at this school even if you are just playing around. Do you understand?” All the students nodded. Then one boy raised his hand and asked, “But what if it’s pretend learning?”
23. A teacher told her class of students, “Whoever can tell me something very sad and touching will get to go home early today.” A hand shot up in the back of the room. It was a boy named Timmy. Timmy stood up and said in a sad voice, “My grandmother, she was 97 years old. She started walking slower and slower every day. One day, she fell down the stairs and broke her hip. She had to get surgery and was in the hospital for weeks. My family was so worried about her. Yesterday, she passed away peacefully in her sleep.” The classroom was silent. Then Timmy grinned and said happily, “Can I go home now?”
24. One day in science class, the teacher was explaining forces and motion. She said, “Gravity is a universal force that acts on all matter in the universe.” A student named Sarah raised her hand and asked, “But my sister said she doesn’t believe in gravity. Why is that?” The teacher replied, “Well, gravity believes in your sister and that’s all that really matters.”
25. A teacher told her class of students, “Today we’re going to talk about the importance of context. For example, the word ‘set’ can mean different things depending on the context. I can set the book down. I can set an alarm. I can set goals.” A student raised his hand and the teacher called on him. He asked, “So what does it mean if my parents constantly tell me not to set foot in their room?” The teacher laughed nervously and said, “Um, let’s get back to the lesson, shall we?”
26. An English teacher was explaining to her class about word connotations. She said, “When we talk about connotation, we are talking about the cultural or emotional association that some words carry. For instance, ‘childlike’ carries a very different connotation than ‘childish’. Can anyone think of another example?” A student raised his hand and the teacher called on him. He said, “My dad always calls me a ‘smart aleck’. Is that bad?” The teacher’s eyes widened briefly before she regained composure and replied, “Well, yes, typically that connotes a negative meaning.”
27. In art class, the students were working on abstract paintings. The teacher said, “Remember class, abstract art is all about free expression and interpretation. You can paint whatever you feel inside.” After working quietly for a while, a student raised his hand. “Yes, what is it Timmy?” asked the teacher. Timmy replied, “I don’t feel anything inside. Can I just paint a tree?”
28. A math teacher was going over word problems with the class. She wrote on the board: “There are 125 sheep and 5 dogs in a flock. How old is the shepherd?” The teacher turned around and waited for the students to solve the problem. Slowly, a student raised his hand and guessed, “Umm, I think the shepherd is 45 years old?” The teacher sighed and explained, “No, you need to focus on the numbers given in the word problem, not make up additional facts.”
29. In history class, the teacher was lecturing about the differences between then and now. He said, “Imagine living 100 years ago. Life was very different back then. There were no computers, no internet, no video games…” A student interrupted and asked, “Is this going to be on the test?” The teacher frowned and replied, “Pay attention and stop worrying about the test right now. You kids today are so focused on tests scores that you’re missing the point of learning.”
30. A high school English teacher reminded her students, “Your essays are due tomorrow at the start of class. No late work will be accepted.” The next morning, she waited at her desk as the students filed in. One student walked up and confidently handed her his essay. She said, “Thank you for turning this in on time, but I’m afraid you have some mustard and ketchup stains on the page.” The student shrugged and replied, “Oh I did my essay during lunch. It was a rush job you see.”
31. In chemistry class, the teacher was reviewing safety rules for the lab experiments. She emphasized, “Under no circumstances should you taste or ingest any chemicals during the lab.” A few minutes into the first experiment, she noticed one student licking a spoon covered in a mysterious green liquid. “Stop!” cried the teacher. “What are you doing?” The student looked up and explained, “I was curious what this chemical tasted like. It’s quite sweet.” The teacher just groaned and marked down a safety violation on her report.
32. A group of students walked into math class just as the final bell rang. “You’re late!” barked the teacher. One student explained, “Sorry sir, we were helping carry a teacher’s books to her classroom.” The math teacher nodded and said, “Very good, I’ll let it slide this time since you were being helpful.” The students all shuffled to their seats and class began. Ten minutes later, the same group of students stood up and started walking out. The teacher demanded, “And just where do you think you’re going now?” A student replied, “We’re going to carry your books somewhere for you, sir!”
33. In history class, a student raised his hand and said, “How come every time we learn about an ancient civilization, it’s always some old ruins and broken statues? Why didn’t they build anything to last?” The teacher replied, “Well, modern construction materials and techniques have improved greatly over…” But before she could finish, another student interrupted and complained, “Yeah, and how come every famous inventor and pioneer is a man? Haven’t any women contributed to history?” The teacher opened her mouth to respond when a third student cut in saying, “But we’ve barely talked about the contributions of African, Asian, and South American cultures. Most of the course focuses on western Europe which isn’t fair.” The teacher held up her hands and said, “Okay, one question at a time please!”
34. The kindergarten students were drawing pictures. The teacher peered over one girl’s shoulder and asked what she was drawing. “I’m drawing a picture of God,” said the girl. The teacher smiled and responded, “But nobody knows what God looks like.” Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, “They will in a minute.”
35. The teacher asked her class, “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?” A boy raised his hand and said, “I’d want superspeed so I could finish all my homework in a flash.” A girl said, “I’d want the power to talk to animals.” Another boy said, “I’d want super strength to lift anything.” Finally, a boy in the back eagerly suggested, “I would want the ability to fly.” The teacher smiled and said, “Those are all excellent ideas. Now let’s get back to our poetry lesson, shall we?”
36. In science class, the teacher was explaining the water cycle of evaporation and condensation. A student raised his hand and commented, “You know, this water cycle seems awfully inefficient. Couldn’t water just fly directly from the ocean to the clouds instead of first evaporating?” The teacher paused and considered this for a moment before replying, “Actually, you raise an interesting point there. Perhaps you have a future as a meteorologist.”
37. A new student named James was starting at the elementary school mid-year. On his first day, the teacher introduced him to the class and said he had just moved from Ireland. She asked the class, “Does anyone know where Ireland is?” A girl named Amy raised her hand and guessed, “Is it inside the mall?” James started laughing uncontrollably while the teacher corrected, “No, Ireland is an island country, not inside the mall. But thank you for participating, Amy.”
38. In art class, the students were learning about complementary colors on the color wheel. The teacher explained, “Complementary colors are color pairs which cancel each other out, like red and green or blue and orange.” A student raised his hand and asked, “So if complementary colors cancel each other out, what happens if you mix together all the colors?” The teacher paused and responded, “Well, technically speaking, you would end up with black, the absence of color.” “Aha!” exclaimed the student. “So black is the opposite of all colors. That settles it, black must be my favorite color after all.”
39. The teacher asked the class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” The eager students shouted out, “Astronaut! Football player! Pop star!” Then one timid girl said quietly, “I want to be a teacher.” The teacher looked touched and said, “That’s very admirable. Teachers are important because they shape young minds and inspire the future generation. Would you like to come up and solve this math equation on the board?” The girl shook her head no and replied, “Uh, on second thought, I think I want to be an astronaut.”
40. A science teacher was giving a lesson on the human skeleton. He said, “There are 206 bones in the adult human body. Can anyone name the largest bone?” A student raised his hand and proudly replied, “My dad!” The teacher frowned and said, “No, the largest bone in your body is the femur. Let’s stay on topic here, class.”
41. In art class, the students were working on mastering perspective in their drawings. The teacher reminded them, “As objects get farther away, they appear smaller. You must diminish their scale and draw them with less detail.” He looked over one student’s shoulder and saw he was drawing a city street scene with cars, buildings, and people crowded together. The teacher said, “This is lacking proper perspective. The buildings and cars in the distance need to be smaller.” The student replied, “I know, but it looked boring with everything super tiny far away, so I just drew everything huge and close up.”
42. A high school math teacher announced to the class that their quiz scores were posted online. All the students immediately took out their phones to check their grades. The teacher scolded, “Phones away, everyone! You can look at your scores later.” The students protested, “But we want to see our quiz grades now!” The teacher relented and said, “Oh alright, I suppose instant feedback is beneficial.” As the students checked their phones, quiet cheering and groans could be heard around the room. The teacher just shook her head and chuckled.
43. In music class, the teacher asked students to say their favorite song. She clicked her tongue in disapproval upon hearing pop stars, rap artists, and heavy metal bands. She said, “Young folks today have no taste or refinement! Your favorite should be something classical, like Mozart or Beethoven.” A shy student who hadn’t spoken yet offered, “My favorite is Justin Bieber’s Baby.” The teacher sighed deeply, wondering what was to become of this generation.
44. The kindergarten teacher gathered the children on the rug and said, “I’m going to teach you about opposites! Can anyone give me an example of two opposites?” Sally raised her hand and said, “Day and night are opposites.” Billy said, “Up and down are opposites!” Johnny said, “Happy and sad are opposites.” The teacher smiled. “Wonderful, those are all excellent examples!” Then Little Tommy raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said, “Good and evil are powerful opposites.” The teacher’s eyes widened in surprise.
45. In English class, the teacher announced they would be reading Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. All the students immediately started complaining out loud, “Aww man!” and “Shakespeare is so boring!” and “Do we have to?” The teacher sternly lectured, “Silence! Romeo and Juliet is a cherished classic of English literature. It contains some of history’s greatest romantic poetry and most heartbreaking tragedy. Its lessons about love, fate and sacrifice are timeless. Now open your books to Act 1, Scene 1.” The students begrudgingly obeyed, still grumbling under their breath.
46. A math teacher wrote the following problem on the board: “A train travels 40 miles in 2 hours. A car travels 50 miles in 1 hour. How many miles can a snail travel in 5 hours?” The students set to work solving it. After a minute, one student raised his hand and guessed, “10 miles?” The teacher said, “Not quite. The trick here is that we aren’t given the snail’s speed, so we can’t calculate the distance. Let this be a lesson – beware of assumptions in word problems.”
47. In history class, the teacher announced, “Pop quiz on the French Revolution!” The students collectively gasped and protested, “But we didn’t know about any quiz today!” The teacher replied, “Exactly, you didn’t see it coming just like the aristocrats back then.” The students just stared at her blankly until she passed out the quiz papers.
48. An excited student ran up to his teacher before class and exclaimed, “Mr. Clark, I learned that Pluto isn’t really a planet anymore!” Mr. Clark shook his head disapprovingly and said, “Nonsense, of course Pluto is a planet and always will be. These newfangled so-called experts don’t know what they’re talking about.” The student frowned in confusion, not sure what to believe now.
49. The kindergarten teacher said, “I’m going to teach you about rhyming words! Who can give me a word that rhymes with cat?” Sally raised her hand and said, “Hat!” Billy said, “Bat!” Johnny suggested, “Sat on