55 Sidesplitting Scanner Jokes

Scanner Puns

1. I was going to tell a joke about scanners, but I figured you wouldn’t find it very engaging.
2. My scanner identification technology is so advanced, I can ID any person in 0.000001 seconds flat. You could say I have scary fast facial recognition.
3. My new scanner came with a see-through lid. Now that’s what I call a transparent design!
4. I was hoping my old scanner would last forever, but it ended up kicking the flatbed instead.
5. I took my broken scanner to get repaired, but the technician said there was no hope. I guess that model just doesn’t have longevity in its scancode.
6. I bought a second-hand scanner online, but when I plugged it in all I heard was static. I got ripped off – that seller scammed me!
7. My scanner ran out of ink while digitizing a book page. I guess there’s no text without context.
8. I was scanning a photo when the power went out. Now that’s what I call an image processing interrupted!
9. I spilled coffee on my scanner and now there’s artifacts all over the scans. Talk about adding crema to the images!
10. Working with scanners all day makes my neck sore. I guess that pain comes with the territory.

Scanner One-Liners

11. My scanner is so old, it uses hieroglyphics instead of pixels.
12. My scanner is like my grandfather – old, slow, and makes strange noises.
13. I spilled a latte on my scanner and now it highlights everything.
14. My scanner identifies as a toaster oven.
15. I bought my scanner from a blacksmith – it takes ages to warm up!
16. My scanner is so noisy, I have to wear earmuffs when I use it.
17. I need to smash my scanner with a hammer to get it to work.
18. My scanner only scans in black and white – talk about racially biased technology!
19. My scanner is obsessed with scanning feet for some reason.
20. I accidentally put cardboard in my scanner and it had an existential crisis.

Best Scanner Jokes

21. I was trying to scan a panoramic photo the other day, but no matter what I did, my scanner kept cropping the edges. I tried adjusting the lid, changing the document size settings, but nothing worked. Finally, I realized the problem – my scanner has no peripheral vision!
22. My wife asked me to scan some old photos so she could make a digital photo book for her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. I had piles of photos stacked on my desk waiting to be scanned. As I was feeding them into the scanner one-by-one, my sleeve caught on the tray and spilled coffee all over the glass. Panicking, I tried wiping it clean with some tissues but they just shredded and made an even bigger mess. When my wife walked in and saw the puddles of coffee, stained tissues, and jammed scanner – let’s just say the look on her face was not exactly photo-worthy.
23. Working as an administrative assistant, one of my many responsibilities is scanning huge stacks of documents every day – expense reports, invoices, you name it. After years of faithfully feeding page after page into the beast we call “Scan-Tron 9000,” the poor machine started showing its age. First the lamp went, so I had to prop open the lid with a ruler to let some light in. Then the feeder started jamming, mangling every 5th page into an illegible accordion fold. But the last straw was the day I accidentally scanned my tie. There was an awful squealing sound and puff of smoke – I almost worried Scan-Tron himself was taking his last breaths! But by some miracle, the old boy survived. Now I know to take off my tie before scanning. Both our jobs depend on it!
24. I remember excitedly opening the box containing my very first scanner on my 16th birthday. I carefully set it up, installed the software, and scanned the first item I could get my hands on – an old movie ticket stub. As the little preview image popped up on my screen I was mesmerized…until I noticed the horrific rainbow bands streaking across the image. I frantically tried rescanning it but the bands persisted. I was heartbroken – convinced I had received a defective unit. Only months later did I realize the ticket was slightly crumpled and no amount of desperate scanning could fix that. Rookie mistake!
25. When my son first went to college, he was convinced he needed a small scanner for his dorm room to digitize reading material. Proud mom that I was, I bought him the nicest portable scanner on the market. When he came home after his first semester, I asked him how much use he was getting out of it. “Uh, not much actually” he said. Apparently smartphones made standalone scanners pretty obsolete! All that money wasted – I should have checked with him first. Now the scanner collects dust in our basement, a $400 relic of technological progress.
26. I’ll never forget the time I was scanning my niece’s crayon masterpieces to make a little coloring book for her birthday. As the scanner light warmed up I arranged her papers just-so to fit perfectly on the glass. I hit preview, anticipating adorable results – but what I saw made my jaw hit the floor. There, visible on the preview screen under the purple dinosaurs and rainbows, were the unmistakable inkblots of my checkbook register page – complete with account numbers, routing number, and balance. Little Stacy must have found it in the pile of papers I gathered. Thank goodness I previewed before hitting “scan” and emailing that coloring book to the whole family!
27. When I was a kid, we could never afford a computer or scanner so I had to make do. I’d tape pages down in my notebook, color over them with dark pencil, then lighter and lighter. When I peeled the pages away, they left behind these primitive ghostly images I could barely make out. But I was fascinated! I dreamed of the day I could afford a real scanner to do the job right. Now as an adult photographer, my whole business revolves around a top-of-the-line scanner efficiently transferring gorgeous high-res images to my editing screen. Every time I hear the satisfactory snap of the lid locking into place, I smile remembering that imaginative young girl who manifested her dreams.
28. I’ll admit, I may have gotten a little overenthusiastic when I purchased a sheet-fed scanner for my home office. The 25-pages-per-minute processing speed! The ultrasonic double-feed detection! I spent a whole Saturday happily feeding stacks and stacks of documents in while humming along to my records. It was hypnotically satisfying. Later that week when printing invoices, I was horrified to find faded, watermarked images of the Bee Gees plastered across my otherwise professional documents. Turns out my delightfully retro album covers were picked up in the background. At least my clients got a chuckle out of the Stayin’ Alive logos!
29. When most people retire, they take up gardening or traveling – but not my Uncle Phil. No, he decided to dedicate his golden years to digitizing every piece of media he’s accumulated in his 67 years on this planet. We’re talking record collections, years of video footage from weddings and Little League games, a library’s worth of books – you name it. He invested half his pension into the highest-powered scanner money could buy, specially fitted with book cradle, slide adapters and 16mm film carriers. His little den is wallpapered with hard drives to hold all the scans. Last we visited, I noticed drawers full of unlabeled flash drives – who knows what treasures are stored inside? Say what you will, but no one can accuse Uncle Phil of not leaving behind a rich digital legacy!