Perfume Puns
1. I tried to make my own perfume yesterday but it ended up smelling cologne.
2. I was going to make a perfume joke, but it stinks.
3. Why was the perfume arrested? It was guilty of fragrance.
4. I bought my girlfriend some perfume that smelled like peppers and spices. It was my attempt at making scents.
5. I accidentally knocked over a bottle of very expensive perfume at the department store. Now it’s scentless.
6. I was going to tell a joke about perfume, but I didn’t want to make any scents.
7. Why do skunks make great perfume testers? They have a nose for scents.
8. What do you call perfume that doesn’t smell? Non-scents.
9. Why did the perfume go on vacation? It needed to take a scent-sation.
10. I’m no good at making perfume, most of my attempts end up Imperfect-fume.
11. I bought my wife some perfume that smelled like pepper and spices. It was my attempt at making scents.
12. Did you hear about the new ketchup scented perfume? It’s for fancy people who like high-end scents.
Perfume One-Liners
13. I’m trying to save money, so from now on I’m only buying scent-sless perfume.
14. My friend said she was wearing Egyptian Musk perfume. I said “Tutankhamun is that smell?”
15. I used to love lavender scented perfumes, but lately I’ve lost in-scents.
16. I bought my wife some perfume that smelled like pepper and spices. It was my attempt at making scents.
17. I told my wife that her new perfume reminded me of a wet dog. Now I’m in the doghouse.
18. I accidentally spilled my wife’s $500 bottle of Chanel No. 5. Now I’m in deep scents.
19. My wife’s perfume is so strong, I can smell her coming from a mile away.
20. I bought my girlfriend some perfume that smelled like peppers and spices. It was my attempt at making scents.
21. I tried making my own perfume but it just ended up smelling eau-ful.
22. I told my wife that her perfume reminded me of my grandmother. I’m now sleeping on the couch.
Best Perfume Jokes
23. Last week, I was camping with my friend Kevin and he brought along a new cologne he had bought. He sprayed some on and went for a walk in the woods. Later, he returned to the campsite empty-handed and said, “Well, that was a waste of money. The deer still hated how I smelled!”
24. I was walking through the department store the other day and stopped at the perfume counter. The saleswoman asked if she could help me find something. “Sure,” I said, “I’m looking for a new scent for my wife’s birthday. What would you recommend?” The saleswoman nodded thoughtfully and began spraying sample scents on some cards for me to evaluate.
I smelled each one carefully. Some were too floral. Others too musky. One smelled like old tomatoes. “These all have interesting notes,” I said, “but none of them seem quite right. My wife has a very particular taste.”
The saleswoman paused, then her face lit up. “I have just the thing,” she said, pulling a bottle from under the counter. “This just arrived – it hasn’t even hit the shelves yet. I think your wife will love it.”
I nodded eagerly as she spritzed some on a card. I brought it to my nose, inhaled deeply and immediately recoiled, wheezing and eyes watering.
“Good heavens!” I coughed. “It smells like sweat, dirt and corn chips! What on earth is that?”
“Our brand new essence,” the saleswoman replied proudly. “Eau de Boy Scout.”
25. Sally absolutely loved trying on all sorts of perfumes and scented lotions whenever she went to the department store. She had dozens of fragrances at home and was always looking to expand her collection. On her latest trip to test out new perfumes, the sales associate greeted her cheerfully and asked if she needed any recommendations.
“Oh, yes please!” said Sally. “I’m always looking for new signature scents.”
The sales associate nodded. “We just got this lovely new perfume in from France. Very exclusive. Here, try some.” She sprayed a bit on Sally’s wrist.
Sally brought her wrist to her nose and her face immediately soured. “Oh my…what IS that smell?”
“It’s our new rustic inspired scent – Eau de Outhouse!” said the sales associate.
Sally shook her head in disgust. “That is absolutely revolting! Smells like a port-a-potty at the county fair in July!”
The sales associate frowned. “Hmm, maybe our luxury fragrances aren’t quite your style. Let me see what else we have…”
26. Janelle worked at a trendy perfume shop at the local mall. One afternoon, an elderly woman came in looking lost.
“Can I help you find something?” Janelle asked politely.
“Oh yes, dear,” said the old woman. “It’s my granddaughter’s birthday next week and I want to get her a nice perfume. She’s about your age – what fragrances do young ladies like these days?”
Janelle smiled. “We have lots of options! Florals and fruits are very popular right now. Here, try this scent – it’s our best-seller.” She spritzed a bit of perfume on the woman’s wrist.
The old woman sniffed it tentatively. “Oh my, that’s…strong,” she said, wrinkling her nose.
Janelle tried a different tester strip. “How about this one? Subtle, but very sophisticated.”
The woman shook her head. “Reminds me too much of mothballs!”
None of Janelle’s selections seemed quite right. Finally, she grabbed an unlabeled bottle from under the counter. “I’ve been saving this – it’s an exclusive new scent. Let’s try it!”
She sprayed some on the woman’s arm. The woman inhaled deeply, then immediately started gagging and coughing.
“Good lord!” she wheezed. “It smells like skunk! Is this a joke?”
Janelle smiled sheepishly. “Our chemist likes to experiment. We call that essence Eau de Polecat.”
27. Barbara loved trying on all the sample perfumes whenever she went to the department store. She would test strip after test strip, but could never seem to find a scent she loved. On one shopping trip, the sales associate could see Barbara growing frustrated.
“Having some trouble finding the right fragrance?” she asked kindly. Barbara nodded.
“I feel like I’ve tried everything, but none are quite me. Maybe my nose is broken!”
The sales associate smiled. “Not to worry, we just got in this new exclusive scent made especially for our store. Here, give it a try – it’s one of a kind.”
She spritzed a bit on Barbara’s wrist and handed it over. Barbara eagerly brought her wrist to her nose, ready to be amazed. As soon as the scent hit her nostrils, her eyes went wide with shock. She recoiled, gagging and coughing.
“What IS that?!” Barbara cried. “It smells like a chicken coop! Just awful!”
The sales associate frowned. “Really? That’s our custom perfume – Eau de Henhouse. Our lab was trying to create something unique. I guess it’s a little…barnyard-esque.”
Barbara shook her head in disgust. “A little?! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever smelled! Please, just give me your most basic floral perfume before I lose my lunch.”
The sales associate nodded sympathetically and handed over a popular rose scent. Barbara sighed in relief, finally finding a perfume she could actually tolerate.
28. Martha loved visiting the perfume counter at her local department store and trying all the latest scents. One day, when Martha was sniffing test strips, the sales associate approached her.
“Finding anything you like?” she asked.
“Not really,” sighed Martha. “I feel like I’ve tried everything but nothing is quite right.”
“Well you’re just in time!” said the sales associate. “We just got this exclusive new perfume – the first of its kind! Here, try it.” She sprayed a bit on Martha’s wrist and handed it over.
Martha eagerly brought her wrist up to her nose, expecting something amazing. But as soon as she inhaled, her face contorted in disgust. She gagged and recoiled from her own arm.
“Oh my god!” Martha cried. “That’s horrific! It smells like a sweaty horse stall!”
The sales associate gave an embarrassed smile. “Yes, that’s our new scent – Eau de Stable. Our lab was experimenting with more…natural fragrances. I’m sorry it wasn’t to your liking.”
“Natural?!” exclaimed Martha. “I feel like I just stuck my nose in a manure pile! Please, do you have any normal perfume without farm animal notes?”
The sales associate quickly shelved the offensive perfume. “Of course, let me fetch you something more traditional.”
Martha sighed in relief. She made a mental note to never again try perfumes labeled “exclusive.”
29. Jessica loved trying on different perfumes from the department store. She would always walk by and sample a few new scents. One day, Jessica was browsing the perfume counter when the sales associate approached her.
“I see you’re interested in our perfumes – have you tried our newest scent yet?” the woman asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” said Jessica.
“It just arrived from France. Here, give it a try!” The sales associate spritzed some perfume on Jessica’s wrist and handed it to her.
Eagerly, Jessica brought her wrist to her nose, expecting a lovely new aroma. But as soon as she inhaled, she recoiled in disgust.
“Ew, what is that?!” Jessica cried. “It smells like sweat and garbage! That’s just awful.”
The sales associate gave an embarrassed smile. “Yes, that’s our new essence – Eau de Dumpster. Our lab was trying to create a bold, memorable scent. But I can see it’s a bit too much.”
Jessica gagged again. “A bit too much?! That’s the worst thing I’ve ever smelled! Please get this away from me!”
“Of course, my apologies,” said the sales associate, quickly taking away the offensive perfume. She handed Jessica a delicate floral scent instead.
Jessica breathed a sigh of relief. She made a mental note to never blindly trust perfume samples again.
30. Emily loved trying on new fragrances at the department store perfume counter. The sales associate always looked forward to Emily’s visits – she was eager to sample different scents and ever on the hunt for new signature smells.
On Emily’s latest visit, the sales associate greeted her warmly. “Emily! So nice to see you again. Come try our newest perfume, just released today!”
She spritzed a bit of the scent on a card and handed it to Emily, who brought it eagerly to her nose. But as soon as she inhaled, Emily’s eyes widened in shock and she gagged loudly.
“Oh my god!” Emily cried. “That is revolting! It smells like sweaty armpits and onions!” She fanned the card away, nose wrinkled in disgust.
The sales associate frowned. “Yes, that is our new essence, Eau de Onion Pit. Our laboratory was experimenting with unique natural scents. Perhaps they captured TOO much authenticity…”
Emily shook her head, still gagging. “No kidding! Please get this away from me and hand me anything floral. I feel like I need a gas mask!”
“Of course,” said the sales associate sympathetically, quickly whisking away the offensive perfume. She handed Emily a pretty rose-scented fragrance instead, which finally brought relief to Emily’s reeling senses.
Emily made a mental note – from now on, she would stick to the classic, normal perfume scents she knew and loved.