Pen Puns
1. I tried to write with a broken pen, but it just wasn’t writing properly. I guess I’ll have to get to the point.
2. I asked my friend if I could borrow his expensive fountain pen. He said, “Sure, but don’t lose my pen or else there’ll be ink to pay.”
3. My pen pal sent me a letter written entirely in red ink. I replied and said, “This correspondence is pointless without more variety in colors.”
4. I was annoyed when my favorite gel pen ran out of ink. But I eventually got over it and moved on to greener pens.
5. I accidentally washed my favorite pen and now the ink is all blurred. I’m so upset I could cry or scream, but I don’t want to make an even bigger mess.
6. I’m so obsessed with pens I think about them day and night. I guess you could say I’m pent up with pen thoughts.
7. When I tried to write with a dried out pen, all it did was leave me blue.
8. Working as a pen salesman has its ups and downs. But if you stick with it long enough, it’ll all come out in the wash.
9. My friend sold me a defective pen that leaked all over my shirt. Now I have an ink stain on my reputation.
10. I was hoping my fancy new pen would write smoothly, but it just scribbles. I should have known it was too good to be crayon.
11. I’m addicted to buying pens. My family staged an inkervention, but I just couldn’t quit cold turkey.
12. Don’t bother asking a pencil for its opinion. It will probably remain neutral.
13. I’m scared to use my extra fine point pen. The nib is so sharp, it gives me the writes.
14. Working in the pen factory was boring until we got a shipment of blue ink. Then it became a much more colorful experience.
15. When I tried to use an invisible ink pen, it turns out it wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.
Pen One-Liners
16. Don’t be surprised if a pencil gets erased around here.
17. My pen ran out of ink so now I’m drawing a blank.
18. I’m not a great writer but I think my pen has potential.
19. This pen writes so smoothly, it must be butter.
20. I was going to tell you a joke about pens, but the punchline wasn’t very sharp.
21. I bought a pen that writes underwater. It came highly recommended by sharks.
22. Be the pen that writes your own story.
23. This pen is so cheap, it belongs in the bargain bin.
24. My pen thinks it’s mightier than your sword.
25. I’m not just going to pen you a love letter, I’m going to use my best calligraphy.
26. This pen is so old, it belongs in a museum.
27. Bic pens are handy when you need to write on the fly.
28. My pen pal ghosted me so I’m looking for a new writing partner.
29. This pen leaks so much, call it Usain Ink.
30. My favorite pen ran out of ink and now I’m feeling blue.
31. This pen must bejammed, it’s not working properly.
Best Pen Jokes
32. My friend was frustrated trying to write with a dried out pen. I said, “Just dip it in some water.” He replied, “I’m not falling for that one again. Last time I tried it, my pen exploded!”
33. I was excited when I found a rare vintage fountain pen at a yard sale. I paid the asking price without hesitation. But when I got home and tried to use it, the pen didn’t work at all. Now I see that the seller totally ripped me off. I got conned by a con pen!
34. I brought a special pen to my uni exam that I could secretly fill with test answers. But as soon as the exam started, my pen burst open and ink sprayed everywhere! The professor was furious and accused me of cheating. I said it was just bad penmanship.
35. Did you hear about the crazed man who stabbed someone with a pen? Doctors say the victim barely survived the ballpoint attack.
36. A pen factory worker was accidentally knocked into a giant vat of black ink. His co-workers rushed to save him before he drowned. They tried pulling him out, but he was completely saturated in black ink and too slippery to grab hold of. Just when it seemed hopeless, one worker came running with a giant pen tip. They used it to fish the drowning man out of the vat. In the end, they were able to rescue the poor guy from his inky fate.
37. An author was eagerly waiting for a shipment of custom pens that were supposed to arrive that day. He had ordered 500 quill pens for his new book. But when the package showed up, he was horrified to see it only contained 1 single pen. The author shouted in disbelief, “One pen? I ordered 500 pens!” The deliveryman apologized for the confusion and explained there was just a typo on the invoice. It was supposed to say “1 gross pens”.
38. A famous artist unveiled his new abstract painting to the public. The painting was simply a giant white canvas with a blue dot in the center. An unimpressed critic asked snarkily, “What’s the meaning behind this one? Did you sneeze and hit the canvas with your pen?” The artist replied, “No, I just felt compelled to pen my one point.”
39. I had a job testing different pens to see how well they wrote. It was one of the most pointless jobs I ever had.
40. I was nervous about my first day of school so I brought along my security pen. It’s silly, but holding it helped calm my nerves.
41. I ran out of ink while addressing wedding invitations. When my fiancé saw the half-finished invitations he laughed and said, “I guess we’re only pen pals now!”
42. A famous architect was working on his plans when he realized his pen was leaking all over his blueprints. He tried to wipe away the ink but only ended up smearing it everywhere. Finally he crumpled up the ruined blueprints in anger and tossed them in the trash. I guess you could say the pen ruined his best laid plans.
43. Did you hear about the author who got amnesia and forgot how to use a pen? They lost their write mind.
44. I was excited to test out my new fountain pen, but quickly realized the nib was bent out of shape. I tried to bend it back but ended up just making things worse. Now my pen has permanent ink-continence.
45. Did you hear about the psychic who predicted the invention of the pen? She wrote it with a quill.
