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17 Jokes About Oatmeal

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17 Jokes About Oatmeal

Oatmeal Puns (15)

  1. I wanted to make my oatmeal more exciting, so I added some raisins. Now it’s oatmeal raisin’!
  2. My friend was bragging about eating oatmeal every day. I told him not to be so oaty about it.
  3. I entered my oatmeal recipe in a cooking contest. It didn’t win first prize, but it got an honorable oat-mention.
  4. I was feeling down, so my friend suggested I eat oatmeal to lift my spirits. I guess you could say it oat-meal to me.
  5. I accidentally spilled oatmeal all over my keyboard. Now all my messages have typos because some of the letters get stuck together. It’s an oat-astrophe!
  6. My favorite music to listen to while eating oatmeal is heavy oat-al. The aggressive vocals really compliment the bland flavor.
  7. I wanted to add some jazz to my morning oatmeal routine. I call it oat improvisation.
  8. I entered an oatmeal eating contest last week. I almost won, but in the end I was oat-eated.
  9. My friend got pulled over for speeding on the way to an oatmeal festival. The cop let him off with a warning though, since he was rushing to his oat-pointment.
  10. I bought too much oatmeal and it went bad. What an oat-rageous waste of money!
  11. My horse loves eating oats so much that I call him Mr. Oat-Happy.
  12. I accidentally used salt instead of sugar on my oatmeal this morning. It was a sodium oat-astrophe.
  13. I was telling my wife about a dream I had about oatmeal last night. She said I was just being oat-er my head.
  14. Did you hear about the spy who got captured and force-fed oatmeal as torture? They oat-tained state secrets from him.
  15. I entered my pet parrot in an oatmeal jingle writing contest. He won first prize for his catchy oat-tunes.

Oatmeal One-Liners (10)

  1. Oatmeal is proof that bland can be beautiful.
  2. I enjoy starting my mornings with a hot bowl of lukewarm oatmeal.
  3. Oatmeal – the breakfast of medieval peasants and modern hipsters alike.
  4. Oatmeal tastes best when you add literally anything else to it.
  5. I eat oatmeal because it’s healthy, not because I enjoy it. I’m not a masoatist.
  6. Oatmeal is like a warm, mushy hug that slowly fills your stomach.
  7. I put my oatmeal in the microwave and it came out lukewarm, just like my personality.
  8. Oatmeal – the only food that gets more flavorful the more you stir it.
  9. Oatmeal is proof that anything is edible if you add enough sugar.
  10. My morning oatmeal creations are so fancy, I should be on the next season of The Oat-chelor.

Best Oatmeal Jokes (10)

    1. I was running late for work the other day so I decided to pick up oatmeal from a cafe on my way. I asked them to make it quick, but apparently “fast oats” aren’t on the menu.

I grabbed my oatmeal to go and raced out the door, power walking down the street while trying to eat a spoonful. Let’s just say my shirt paid the price for my hasty breakfast decision that day.

    1. My sister makes homemade granola every week and adds it to her oatmeal. I tried some but had to spit it out – there was a huge crunch from a shell that almost broke my tooth! Turns out she uses eggshells in her granola for extra calcium. I’ll stick to plain oats from now on.

I was running behind schedule one morning and poured hot coffee into my oatmeal bowl instead of milk. I didn’t realize my mistake until I took a big bite and scalded my mouth. My co-workers got a good laugh seeing my swollen burnt lips that day.

    1. I signed up for a 5K oatmeal eating competition, thinking it would be easy since I love oatmeal. But scarfing down bowl after bowl as fast as possible was a terrible idea. I ended up puking oatmeal for hours after. What a mess! I definitely can’t look at oatmeal the same way again.

My girlfriend says she loves how healthy oatmeal is, but watches in disgust every time I make it loaded with sugar, cream, and toppings. I told her closed minds won’t get to experience the magic of a peanut butter, chocolate chip oatmeal masterpiece. She just rolled her eyes and walked away.

    1. I was super excited when the cafe near my office started offering oatmeal toppings. But after a week of going overboard on brown sugar, granola, dried fruit, nuts, and coconut, I realized why oatmeal is supposed to be plain and simple. My stomach has been a wreck!

Note to self – moderation is key, even when it comes to oatmeal toppings. I should have realized that before I doubled over in a sugar and fiber induced pain fest. At least I’ll look great in those skinny jeans once this oatmeal cleanse smooths out!

    1. My grandpa loves his morning oatmeal but hates doing dishes, so he insists on only using disposable bowls. We always know when he’s visited because a mountain of sticky, oatmeal-caked paper bowls pile up in the trash. We’ve begged him to use real dishes to help the environment, but the man is stubborn as can be when it comes to his oatmeal routine.

We even bought him a personalized oatmeal bowl for his birthday one year. But nope, he refuses to wash a bowl “just for oatmeal” and continues his wasteful habit. Don’t even get me started on the plastic spoons! Grandpa goes through a whole box per week! At least it keeps me in the will I guess.

    1. I was running late to work when disaster struck – I was out of milk for my oatmeal! In a panic I grabbed the next best substitute I could find – an open beer from the night before. It seemed like a great idea until I started burping up beery oatmeal bubbles during my morning meeting. I got some strange looks when the beer/oatmeal combo stench hit everyone’s noses. Lesson learned, desperation does not pair well with oatmeal!

Who knew beer and oats don’t mix well as breakfast companions? Although my co-workers might argue that busting out beer before 9am doesn’t pair well with anything other than poor decision making. But what do they know? Desperate times call for desperate oatmeal measures!

  1. My sister-in-law is always bragging about this fancy steel cut oatmeal she makes. She even uses the phrase “pipe down” whenever someone talks about regular boring oats. I got so sick of hearing about her “gourmet” oatmeal that I finally snapped. Last family breakfast I grabbed the bag of steel cut oats and smashed it with a pipe right in front of her! Who’s laughing now Sis? This oatmeal smasher showed you who the real oat boss is!