What do you call a lizard that sells insurance? A geico!
What do you call a lizard that works as a spy? A secret agent iguana.
Why are lizards bad at playing musical instruments? They’re reptiles.
What do you call a lizard that likes to body build? A flexi-guana.
My friend got bit by a radioactive lizard and now has strange powers. You could say he’s a super gecko.
What do you call a lizard that does magic tricks? An illusion iguana.
What do you call a lizard that loves parties? A festive gecko.
What’s a lizard’s favorite outdoor activity? Hiking and geck-oing.
Why don’t lizards play poker? Because they’re reptiles.
What do you call a lizard who is a picky eater? A pesky gecko.
Why couldn’t the lizard become a famous singer? He just couldn’t hit the high geck-os.
What do you call a lizard that’s a skipper? A captain iguana.
Why don’t lizards tell jokes while they drive? Because they can’t handle the geck-os and drive.
What do you call a lizard that loves to read? A book gecko.
Why did the lizard wear sunscreen to the beach? To prevent gecko burns!
What do you call a lizard that works at a hotel? A bellhop iguana.
Why are lizards so calm? Because they’re cold geckos.
What do you call a lizard who does martial arts? A karate gecko.
Why did the lizard cross the road? To get to the other gecko.
What do you call a lizard that likes watching football? An armchair iguana.
Why are lizards bad at basketball? Because they can’t jump high geck-ough.
What do you call a lizard that loves boxing? A fightin’ gecko.
What do you call a nervous lizard? An anxious gecko.
What do you call a happy lizard? A pleased gecko.
Lizard One-Liners (15)
I asked my friend why his pet lizard was wearing a disguise – he said “It’s an incognito gecko.”
My friend’s lizard escaped from its tank last night – it was quite the reptile dysfunction.
I tried to teach my lizard to fetch, but it turns out you can’t teach geck-old tricks.
I entered my lizard into a talent show – he’s got a real shot at winning with his gecko-boxing routine.
My bearded dragon ate a bunch of helium balloons and now speaks with a silly gecko-squeak.
I took my lizard to the vet because he wasn’t eating – turned out he just wasn’t in the gecko-mood.
My friend bought a lizard as a pet, but had to return it because it was defective – it didn’t gecko at all.
I accidentally stepped on my lizard’s tail and now he’s really mad at me – I guess I crossed the gecko.
My lizard and I got into a fight after he ate all the crickets – now things are pretty gecko-ward between us.
I caught my bearded dragon dancing in front of the mirror – he must think he’s a real gecko-mover.
My friend’s lizard won’t stop sitting on her laptop – he’s become a real gecko-hog.
I saw a lizard at the pet store flat on its back and not moving – nope, just gecko-napping.
Sometimes when my leopard gecko yawns, I’ll put a tiny hat in his mouth – it makes him look like a gecko-saurus.
I tried to take a selfie with my lizard but he ran off – he’s camera gecko-shy.
My friend’s bearded dragon sneezed and launched a giant snot rocket – geck-gross!
Best Lizard Jokes (29)
A lizard mom was shopping with her son at the pet store. The kid asked “Mommy can we get a dog for a pet?” The mom replied “No way, dogs are way too hyper and needy. What about a nice turtle?” The kid said “Turtles are so boring though, can’t we please get a dog?” The mom glared and said “For the last time, we are NOT getting a dog. Now quit being difficult and pick something lower maintenance!” The son sighed and said “Fine, how about a komodo dragon?”
A lizard was walking through the forest when he was suddenly jumped by a gang of snakes. The snakes circled around him menacingly. The leader of the snakes hissed “Give us all your money or else!” Not wanting any trouble, the lizard quickly said “You can have it!” and handed over his wallet. The snake examined the wallet and found nothing inside. Furious, he yelled “Hey this wallet is empty, you trying to be funny lizard boy?” The lizard chuckled “Of course it’s empty, I’m a gecko.”
A lizard decided to escape the desert heat by sneaking into a movie theater. He crawled into the seats and laid on the chair, enjoying the air conditioning. A few minutes later, the ushers came around checking tickets. When they got to the lizard’s row, one usher said “Hey, do you have a ticket sir?” The lizard didn’t respond. The usher got annoyed and said louder “Sir, I need to see your ticket!” Still nothing. The angry usher grabbed the lizard by the tail and yelled “Buddy, did you buy a ticket or not!?” At last the lizard turned around and said “Why are you screaming so much? I’m a gecko!”
A gecko was sitting at the bar one night, looking very depressed. The bartender walked over and asked “Hey little guy, why the long face?” The gecko replied “I’m just feeling lonely. I’ve never had any luck with the lady lizards.” The sympathetic bartender said “Aww don’t worry about it! Here, these drinks are on me while you figure things out.” The gecko sighed and said “Thanks man. That means a gecko to me.”
Why was the gecko sitting all alone in the corner at the party? Because he was a wall gecko!
Why are geckos the most flexible lizards? Because they can bend over gecko-wards!
What’s a gecko’s favorite dessert? Lemon meringue gecko pie.
Where do geckos go to drink? The gecko bar!
What did the gecko say when he walked into a bar? Put it on my gecko-tab!
Why did the gecko wear a disguise? He didn’t want anyone to gecko-nize him!
What’s a gecko’s favorite movie genre? Gecko-action films!
Why did the gecko’s comedy act bomb? His jokes didn’t gecko over well with the crowd.
Why was the gecko so bad at hiding during hide and seek? He couldn’t gecko-l still!
Why did the gecko wear camo to work? He didn’t want his boss to gecko-ver him slacking off!
Why did the gecko get fired from his job as a comedian? Too many inappropriate and raunchy gecko-jokes.
Why was the gecko sitting in the VIP section of the nightclub? Because he was an important gecko-brity!
Why did the gecko crash his car? He couldn’t take his eyes off the lady gecko!
What do you call a gecko that can sing opera? A gecko-prano!
Why did the gecko get in trouble with airport security? He had too much gecko-gage!
Why was the gecko sitting in the VIP lounge at the airport? Because he was flying gecko-class!
Why are geckos good at basketball? They can climb gecko-walls!
Why was the gecko afraid to leave his house? He had a bad case of gecko-phobia!
Why did the gecko wear a tuxedo? He was going to a formal gecko-asion!
Why did the gecko cross the road? To get to the gecko-mart on the other side!
Knock Knock! Who’s there? Geckodile. Geckodile who? Geckodile see you later!
What do you call a detective gecko? An investi-gator!
Why did the gecko go to college? To get his degreecko!
Why are geckos bad at keeping secrets? Because they gecko-ssip!
Why did the gecko wear a wig and dress? He was going gecko-ognito!
