What do you call a lime that’s been in an accident? A lime in a jam!
Why was the lime teacher upset with her student? He was being a little fruit.
Why don’t limes make good sailors? They get scurvy easily.
My friend got hit in the head with a lime. Don’t worry though, he’s fine.
I entered my lime in a baking contest. Sadly, it didn’t make the cut.
I tried to juice a stack of limes but only got a little bit. I guess you can’t get much lime out of limes.
Did you hear about the lime that was sad? It needed someone to give it a little zest.
How did the lime help fix the computer? It provided the system with a little juicing up.
Why was the lime sent to detention? It was acting a little sour.
I wanted to enter my lime in the strongman competition, but it didn’t have the strength to Lime-a-Lime-a.
I tried to make limeade but used fake limes. It just wasn’t the real lime deal.
The lime was having a mid-life crisis because it felt past its prime.
Lime One-Liners (15)
I’m so good at limbo I can go under a lime.
My friend got hit by a lime and was knocked unconscious. But don’t worry, he’s fine.
I wanted to make margaritas but had no limes. It was a real lime squeeze.
That lime is so acidic it could burn through metal. Talk about savage citrus!
I entered my lime in a pie eating contest. It was disqualified for being a cheat.
I tried to eat a lime like an apple. My face puckered so hard it almost turned inside out.
If life gives you limes, make limeade. Unless life gives you lemons, then make lemonade.
Maybe if I drink enough lime juice my skin will start glowing like a green lightbulb.
This lime is so sour it makes my tastebuds want to file for divorce.
I’m so clumsy I could trip over my own shadow. Or a lime.
I ate so many limes now even my sweat smells citrusy.
I’m sweating so much my pits smell like a lime grove.
I’m such a klutz I could slip on a lime and break my crown.
If life gives you limes, squirt them in your enemy’s eyes.
I ate too many limes now my tongue is as rough as sandpaper.
Best Lime Jokes (37)
Why was the lime dressed up for Halloween? It wanted to look boo-tiful!
My friend tried to steal a whole box of limes from the grocery store. He almost got away with the lime heist of the century, but the cops spotted him lime-handed.
I entered my pet lime Fluffy in a limbo contest. The other competitors went under the bar no problem. But Fluffy? She could not lime-bo.
Why did the lime get in trouble at school? It was caught cheeting on a test.
My friend dropped a lime on his toe and broke it. I told him “Be glad it wasn’t a coconut!”
I was walking down the street eating a lime like an apple. Everyone kept staring at me weird. I guess they’ve never seen anyone being so lime bold.
Why was the lime so popular at the party? It had an a-peel-ing personality.
My friend got hit in the head with a lime and lost his memory. But don’t worry, with time his lime-nesia will clear up.
Did you hear about the restaurant that only serves lime flavored food? People say it’s not that great but I think it’s sublime.
I entered my pet lime in a turtle race. Of course it lost. You really gotta be patient to win the lime race.
Did you hear about the lime that was left out in the sun too long? It dried up and became a has-lime.
My friend slipped on a lime at work and is trying to sue his boss. I told him it’s probably not worth taking legal lime-tions.
Why was the lime so motivational? It really knew how to inspire zest in others.
I was eating a lime and my friend said “Don’t eat that, it’s unripe!” I said “No it’s not, it’s a lime.”
Did you hear about the coal miner who suddenly craved citrus? He had an under-lime craving.
My friend bet me $20 I couldn’t fit 10 limes in my mouth. I almost choked but in the lime end I won the bet.
I accidentally used a lime instead of deodorant this morning. Now my armpits smell like a mojito!
I’m so clumsy I tripped over my shoelaces and face planted into a lime pie.
Did you hear about the angry lime that wouldn’t stop yelling and cursing at people? It had major attitude and needed to curb its sailor mouth.
My friend got locked inside a lime warehouse overnight as a prank. Poor guy was trapped with nothing but limes for company. His lime-alone time must have been unbearable.
I’m so messy, my room smells like an old lime exploded in there. My mom makes me keep the door closed so the lime stench doesn’t spread through the house.
I entered my pet parrot in a limbo contest. Turns out parrots don’t make good limbo birds. Their wings prevent them from going under the lime.
Why was the lime voted “most likely to succeed” in high school? It had a lot of drive and ambition beneath the rind.
Did you hear about the lime that was a fanatical baseball fan? People say it’s pretty fruit-loopy.
My friend thinks he’s so suave with the ladies. He actually smells like bad lime cologne and cheesy pick up lines.
I’m hopelessly addicted to lime flavored candy. My friends say I have a sour candy lime problem.
I tried making lime pie but burned the crust to a crisp. My culinary lime skills have room for improvement.
Why was the lime dressed up as a fox for the costume party? It wanted to look a-lime-ing.
My friend is afraid of limes. She runs away screaming whenever she sees one. I guess she has lime-ophobia.
A lime, a lemon, and an orange walk into a bar. The lime orders a shot and bribes the bartender not to lime-t him.
Why are limes terrible at keeping secrets? They have loose lips.
My friend collects limes and proudly displays them around his house. His wife thinks he’s strange but he loves showing off his “sublime” lime collection.
I’m a crazy lime fanatic who owns lime patterned clothes, lime colored furniture, and over 500 limes displayed in my home. My friends say I’m completely lime-nuts.
I tried making lime sorbet but used too much lime juice. One spoonful puckered up my lips so much they almost inverted on themselves.
I love telling cheesy lime jokes and puns. My friends say I need to curb my fruit humor addiction. But I say lime just getting started!
Why did the lime get kicked out of flight school? It kept trying to wing it.
I’m hopelessly addicted to lime flavored candy, clothing, décor, and actual fruit. My friends say I’m completely lime-obsessed. But I think limes are just a zesty good time!
