Gym Puns (20)
- Don’t make fun of people at the gym. They’ve been working really cardia to get in shape.
- The gym instructor asked us to do more reps to failure. I failed right away.
- I had to stop going to my old gym. It had too many fees they were trying to squat on me.
- My friend tried lifting weights at the gym today but couldn’t handle the barbell.
- The gym was giving out free weight loss samples. It was light food.
- The new gym didn’t allow dead lifts. Too much chance something could get ripped.
- I was going to make a gym pun but couldn’t think of anything good so I just exercised my right to not say it.
- Did you hear about the new gym with underwater treadmills? It has a pool deck.
- The gym kitchen is stocked with protein bars and shakes. It’s where all the muscle meals are prepared.
- I hurt my back doing squats. The doctor said I need physical therapy to get better gluteal movement.
- The gym keeps the temperature low to prevent sweating. You could say it’s cooler in there.
- The gym got rid of the old equipment and brought in all new machines. They wanted to lift things up.
- I joined a new gym but couldn’t find the bikes or treadmills. Turns out they don’t cycle or run things there.
- The gym opened up a juice bar but then closed it down within a month. I guess it wasn’t the right blend.
- I tried to sue my gym after slipping on a wet floor. But they claimed no liability for my lack of balance.
- The new gym has a rock climbing wall but no harness ropes or mats. It’s climbing without any safety nets.
- My gym partner eats a dozen eggs before working out. He’s an eggcerciser.
- Going to the gym helps relieve my stress and gives me inner peace. It’s where I work things out.
- I decided to cancel my gym membership today. It was a weight off my shoulders.
- The gym got a new ab machine but I don’t see the point. It’s just another useless gizmo.
Gym One-Liners (20)
- I joined the gym to lose weight but just ended up losing interest.
- My gym has a strict “no grunting” policy, so now I have to lift silently.
- The gym vending machine was out of protein bars so I did a set of disappointment curls.
- I was feeling weak so I went to the gym to pump some iron and my self-esteem.
- My gym clothes are just old shirts I don’t want anymore but can’t bear to throw away.
- I hurt my back doing deadlifts and now I’m feeling the weight of my poor decisions.
- I tried Zumba class at the gym but apparently my “dance moves” were just me having a seizure.
- Don’t be embarrassed about using small weights at the gym, every little bit helps build strength.
- I use the gym sauna to warm up my muscles before working out, it gets me hot and sweaty.
- I wear long sleeves and pants at the gym so no one can judge my inability to grow muscle.
- I go to the gym to lift weights, build confidence, and check out cute girls doing yoga.
- My gym crush looked my way today so I immediately tripped over a dumbbell from excitement.
- I’m that guy who spends more time taking selfies at the gym than actually working out.
- Couldn’t fall asleep last night because my muscles were sore from my tough gym session yesterday.
- I hurt my back doing squats and had to lay on the gym floor until someone came to help me up.
- Getting motivated to go to the gym is the hardest exercise of all.
- My gym bag smells like a wet dog no matter how many times I wash it.
- I go hard at the gym to make up for my poor eating habits the rest of the day.
- I judge people at the gym who half-rep their sets and don’t go to full range of motion.
- My gym nemesis is the guy who takes the weights I need for my next set.
Best Gym Jokes (20)
21. I was feeling flabby so I decided to get a gym membership. I went in to sign up and saw a group of huge body builders working out. I turned around and left thinking there’s no way I can get in shape like them! I decided I would be better off just getting a medium-size membership.
22. I was at the gym when I spotted my friend working out with a personal trainer. The trainer had him doing all kinds of grueling core exercises like planks and sit ups. After an hour, my friend collapsed exhausted. The trainer stood over him and shook his head saying “it’s pathetic how out of shape the average person is.” That’s when I walked up and said “Hey! Don’t call my friend pathetic, most people don’t have the luxury of working out 8 hours a day like you.” My friend looked relieved and said “Yeah! What he said.” The trainer just rolled his eyes and went to help his next client.
23. I was feeling insecure about my body so I got a gym membership to lose some belly fat. I went 3 times a week and worked out hard doing cardio and weights, but after a month I still didn’t see any results. One day I complained to the guy at the front desk “I’ve been coming here for a month but it’s not making a difference.” He said “you actually have to use the equipment too.”
24. I was new to the gym when I saw a huge, muscular guy standing in front of the dumbbell rack screaming “Light weight!!!” as he lifted a massive 100 pound dumbbell with each arm. I went up to him and said “Hey dude, I’m trying to learn – can you give me some tips on lifting?” The guy smiled and said “Sure man, rule #1 is safety – always use a weight you can control.” Then he handed me a comically light 2 pound dumbbell. I laughed and said thanks, his humility made my day.
25. I was feeling exhausted after a tough workout at the gym. When I went to get a post-workout protein shake, I realized I forgot my wallet at home. I asked the guy working at the counter “Hey man, could I get this protein shake for free today? I forgot my money at home.” He looked at me with zero sympathy and said “Sure, and while I’m at it why don’t I just pay your rent too.”
26. At the gym, I saw a woman doing hip thrusts with just the barbell by itself with no additional weights on it. I went up to her and said “You should really add more weight, the bar by itself isn’t heavy enough to be effective.” She glared at me and said “Mind your own business!” I quickly walked away red-faced while realizing the bar weighs 45 lbs…
27. At the gym I was struggling to bench press a heavy weight when a big muscle dude walked up and said “Let me spot you bro, it’s always good to have a spotter.” I said sure go for it. He helped me lift the weight up then immediately started bench pressing the bar with me still on it! I was like woah dude what the heck, he’s treating me like a dumbbell!
28. I was using the leg press machine at the gym when I noticed the guy next to me had it loaded up with 10 plates on each side. I said “Bro you know this isn’t a competition right?” He laughed and was like “I know man, I’m just trying to push myself.” I said “Oh yeah you’re definitely pushing something!”
29. At the gym, I tried to impress this girl by lifting a heavy weight. I got it up a few inches off the ground before the weight came crashing down, knocking all the plates off. The huge crashing sound echoed through the entire gym. Everyone stopped and looked over at me lying helpless on the floor underneath a barbell. The girl walked away laughing while I just wanted to disappear.
30. I was doing dumbbell flys lying flat on a bench at the gym. In my peripheral vision I could see this girl on a mat doing stretches. I tried to lift the heavy dumbbells back up but got stuck and couldn’t move my arms. The weights were slowly crushing me as I struggled, then I made eye contact with the girl. Our eyes locked as I remained pinned helplessly to the bench. She shook her head in disappointment and walked away while I had to do the walk of shame back to the dumbbell rack.
31. At the gym, I asked a massive bodybuilder “What workout should I do to get big arms like yours?” He laughed loudly and pointed at a skinny guy curling 5 lb dumbbells. He said “See that guy over there? Do exactly what he’s doing.” I was confused until I realized he was being sarcastic.
32. At the gym I tried to lift a heavy barbell up to my chest. I struggled with all my might as my face turned red. Then I lost my grip and the bar fell loudly to the floor. The guy at the bench next to me looked over and said “try using less weight.” I was embarrassed but appreciated him not straight up mocking me.
33. I always feel self-conscious at the gym when I’m lifting light weights and can see muscle guys lifting 3 times as much out of the corner of my eye. One day I was struggling and this huge dude put his weights down, came over, and spotted me so I could finish my set with good form. He fist-bumped me after and said “we all start somewhere.” What a nice guy.
34. At the gym, I tried to run extra fast on the treadmill to impress this girl walking the track. I got the machine up to full speed and was sprinting as fast as I could. 30 seconds later, I lost my footing and was thrown off the treadmill onto the floor. The girl saw me faceplant and was trying not to laugh. At least I got her attention?
35. I always feel too self-conscious to do hip thrusts at the gym. Yesterday I finally went for it, loaded up a barbell and started thrusting. Mid-set, a girl walked by and made eye contact with me. Let’s just say after that I think I’ll stick to lunges from now on.
36. I was stretching on the mats at the gym when I let out a loud fart. I thought no one noticed, but when I walked back into the weight room, I saw a bunch of big dudes chuckling and saying “better re-rack those cheeks bro.” I wanted to disappear.
37. Yesterday at the gym I was struggling to do overhead shoulder presses – I got it halfway up and got stuck, arms shaking. Out of nowhere, this girl rushed over and started forcibly pushing my arms the rest of the way up while yelling “YOU CAN DO IT!” So…do I thank her or file a complaint?
38. I always see this one guy at the gym who wears a weight belt to do curls and other random exercises. I asked him about it and he says the belt “activates his core.” Yeah…that’s not how any of this works.
39. I was doing lateral raises at the gym when I felt a sudden sharp pain in my shoulder and dropped the dumbbells. They landed directly on my foot and I started shouting in pain. Everyone stopped and stared as I writhed around holding my foot. So much for getting jacked.
40. My gym crush was doing hip thrusts and it was very distracting. Let’s just say I’m lucky those yoga pants are thick and that barbells are heavy. Don’t want to turn the gym into an adult film set. I finished my set and walked away before it was too late!