Gold Puns (20)
- I bought some gold jewelry for my wife. It was an in-vest-mint.
- The gold miner was excavating a new shaft. He was going for the gold vein.
- The gold prospector struck it rich. Now he’s in ore of money.
- The gold thief got caught red-handed. He was booked for grand larceny.
- The goldsmith crafted a beautiful necklace. It was solid gold work.
- The Olympic gold medalist really went for the gold.
- The gold trader bought low and sold high. He made a pretty penny.
- The foolish man bought fool’s gold. He was badly misled.
- The goldrush miner panned for gold. He was hoping to strike pay dirt.
- The prospector found a gold nugget. It was a precious strike.
- The banker invested in gold bullion. It was his gold standard.
- The gold refiner purified the metal. He removed all the impurities.
- The gold digger married for money. She was seeking financial security.
- The gold miner celebrated his big find. He really hit the mother lode.
- The jeweler admired the gold watch. It was solid gold craftsmanship.
- The gold bar sat in the vault. It was worth its weight in gold.
- The winning Olympian received a gold medal. It was her crowning achievement.
- The prospector found fool’s gold. It was an iron pyrite let down.
- The gold coin collector searched for a rare piece. He hoped to strike gold.
- The miner dug for gold. He was hoping to strike it rich.
Gold One-Liners (20)
- I bought gold plated HDMI cables thinking they’d give me a better picture. What a rip off!
- My friend got gold teeth implanted. Now he’s got a golden smile.
- They say silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. Either way, I’m not saying a word!
- I asked my wife if I could buy some gold chains. She said fine, as long as they come with a swing set!
- I bought a solid gold toilet seat. Now I know what it feels like to be flush with cash.
- Be careful when investing in gold. You don’t want to end up in the poor house!
- My boss accused me of stealing his solid gold stapler. I plead inno-cent!
- I bought a goldfish. I call him karats because he’s made of 14k gold.
- Don’t eat too much gold leaf ice cream. It will go straight to your Bouche!
- My friend got a gold tooth implant. I said “Can I take a peek?” He said “Gold ahead!”
- I bought a solid gold smart phone. I wanted to be insta-rich!
- Don’t underestimate old prospectors. They go for the gold!
- Be careful when panning for gold. You don’t want to strike out.
- I invested all my money in gold coins. It was a golden opportunity I couldn’t pass up!
- My friend bought a solid gold toilet. Let’s just say he’s living lavishly.
- If you find a gold nugget, remember to thank your lucky stars!
- I bought a solid gold fidget spinner. It was an impulse buy I now regret.
- Don’t put all your eggs in one gold basket. Diversify your portfolio.
- Iron pyrite is fool’s gold. Don’t be misled by shiny things!
- I bought a gold barbell to work out with. Let’s just say it was quite heavy.
Best Gold Jokes (64)
1. A man walked into a gold buyer’s shop with a big chunk of gold in his hand. “This is the biggest piece of gold I’ve ever seen!” exclaimed the buyer. “Where on earth did you get it from?” “Well,” replied the man, “I found it in my backyard when I was digging around.” The buyer laughed and said “Do you have any idea what this is worth? You’re rich!” The man shrugged and said “Nope! But let me go home and tell my wife, and then I’ll have a pretty good idea.”
2. A programmer’s wife tells him “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. “Why did you get 12 loaves of bread?” asks his wife. He replies “They had eggs.”
3. A gold miner strikes gold and becomes rich overnight. His wife says “I want the finest clothes and jewelry!” He says “I’ll buy you anything you want my dear, now that we’re rich!” She says “Thanks! Just don’t buy me clothes that say Gold Digger on them.”
4. What do you call a gold miner who’s afraid to start working? Yellow!
5. Why do gold prospectors never take vacations? Because they love what they do!
6. How do you torture a gold prospector? Show him a huge gold nugget and say “All this could have been yours…if only you had kept prospecting!”
7. What sits at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous gold wreck!
8. How do you know if a gold prospector has been using your lawn mower? The gas tank’s empty and there’s gold dust on the lawn.
9. What’s the difference between an exploration geologist and a gold panner? The geologist goes down more holes!
10. Why do gold miners make bad dancers? They have two left feet from driving the pedals on their excavator all day!
11. How can you tell a prospector is happy with his gold find? When he walks out of the mine whistling “You’re in the Money!”
12. Why did the gold prospector’s daughter get mad at him? He was never around to mine her!
13. How did the gold miner propose to his girlfriend? He got down on one knee and said “I strike it rich for you, my dear!”
14. What sits on a pirate’s shoulder and calls out “Gold! Gold!” A parrot with a metal detector!
15. Why was the gold digger attracted to the old prospector? Because he had lots of gold nuggets!
16. Why did the gold miner buy new overalls? Because his old pair had mined out!
17. What’s a gold prospector’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal!
18. Why do miners prefer gold to silver? Because gold is more carat!
19. How can you tell a gold prospector is new to the job? He’s still worried about breaking a nail!
20. What’s a gold prospector’s favorite exercise? Mining his own business!
21. Why was the gold nugget sad? It felt worthless next to a massive gold bar.
22. How do you cheer up a sad gold nugget? Remind it that good things come in small packages!
23. What does a gold prospector say when he strikes fool’s gold? “Iron-ic, isn’t it?”
24. Why do gold miners get up so early? They want to be the first to stake a gold claim.
25. Why don’t sharks attack gold prospectors? Professional courtesy!
26. What’s a gold miner’s favorite place to visit? The ores and minerals exhibit at the natural history museum!
27. Why do gold prospectors make great philosophers? Because they spend so much time pondering the meaning of life while digging for gold!
28. How can you tell a gold prospector is new to the job? He gripes about chipped nail polish and broken fingernails.
29. Did you hear about the gold miner who struck out? He was really digging himself into a hole.
30. Why do gold prospectors like to work alone? Because teamwork doesn’t pan out for them!
31. Why do gold prospectors make great detectives? They follow up on even the slightest lead.
32. What’s a gold digger’s motto? “Go for the gold!”
33. How does a gold prospector relieve stress? By mining his own business.
34. What do gold prospectors and magpies have in common? They both collect shiny things!
35. How can you tell if your friend has gold fever? He rents a metal detector on your next camping trip.
36. What’s a gold miner’s favorite book? “Of Mice and Mineral Deposits”
37. How does a gold prospector say “I love you” to his spouse? “When I’m with you, I feel like I struck the motherlode!”
38. What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes? A nervous gold wreck!
39. What’s a gold miner’s favorite rock band? Whitesnake!
40. Why do gold miners take so many coffee breaks? They need time to pan out their situation!
41. How does a gold prospector pamper himself? By mining his own business!
42. What do you call 10 gold prospectors at the bottom of a mine shaft? Stuck!
43. Why do gold miners get excited when they find iron pyrite? Because it looks like gold at first glance!
44. What’s a gold miner’s favorite TV show? The Discovery Channel’s “Gold Rush!”
45. Why did the gold digger marry the miner? He had lots of precious metals and stones!
46. What’s a prospector’s favorite song? “Can You Dig It” by The Mockers.
47. Why do gold miners love listening to heavy metal music? It strikes a chord with them.
48. What’s a gold miner’s favorite place to visit? Golden, Colorado
49. Why do retired gold prospectors make great financial advisors? They know how to help you strike it rich!
50. How can you tell someone has gold fever? They’re obsessed with finding El Dorado.
51. Why don’t gold miners want to take good luck charms down into the mines with them? There’s no point in mining their own business!
52. What’s a gold miner’s favorite gaming console? The Minetendo Switch!
53. Why was the gold prospector sweating so much in the mine? He was working too hard at the ore face!
54. How do you say “good luck” to a gold prospector? May you strike it rich!
55. What’s a gold digger’s favorite movie? Gone With The Windfall!
56. Why do gold miners prefer to work late shifts? Because they like the night life!
57. What did the gold miner say when he finally struck gold? Eureka!
58. What do you call someone who talks about mining but never actually does it? A gold digger!
59. Why do thieves target gold miners? They strike it rich!
60. What’s a gold miner’s favorite song? “Gold Digger” by Kanye West.
61. Why do gold miners take frequent coffee breaks? To give their excavating arm a rest!
62. What’s a gold miner’s favorite TV network? The Discovery Channel.
63. Why do gold miners work long hours? They really dig their jobs!
64. What’s a prospector’s favorite kind of horse? A miner-y!