89 Jokes About Farms

Farm Puns (30)

1. What do you call a funny chicken? A comedi-hen!
2. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
3. What do you call a cow that plays guitar? A moosician!
4. Where do baby cows eat? The calf-eteria!
5. Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
6. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer!
7. How does a farmer count their cows? With a cow-culator!
8. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose!
9. What do you call a cow who works out? Beef-cake!
10. What do you get from nervous cows? Beef that’s shaking!
11. How do you make a milkshake? Give a cow a pogo stick!
12. What do you call a cow on the floor? Ground beef!
13. Why don’t cows have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!
14. What do you call a cow that cut its leg? An ambul-hen!
15. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
16. What do you call a cow detective? An inspector mooser!
17. What do you call a cow song? A cattle tune!
18. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
19. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!
20. How does a farmer find new cows? He browses through the cattle-log!
21. Why did the pig want to be an actor? He was born to ham it up!
22. What happens when you tell a joke to a cow? It will probably just moo-ve on.
23. Where do cows go for entertainment? To the moo-vies!
24. Why did the cow cross the road? To get to the udder side!
25. How do you make cheese? Give milk a good talking to!
26. What do you call a grumpy cow? Moo-dy!
27. Why don’t cows ever have any money? Because farmers milk them dry!
28. What do you call a cow that eats your grass? A lawn moo-er!
29. Where do cows get together? The meat and greet!
30. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!

Farm One-Liners (20)

31. Don’t have a cow, man!
32. Moo point: the opinion of a cow.
33. Funny farm: more humorous than scary.
34. Horseplay: horsing around on the farm.
35. Hog wild: getting crazy with the pigs.
36. Bull in a china shop: clumsy ox chaos.
37. Cash cows: big moneymakers on the farm.
38. Flipping the bird: giving chickens the feather.
39. Chicken feed: paltry farm earnings.
40. Bring home the bacon: earning money for food.
41. Go cold turkey: quit farming abruptly.
42. Feather your nest: decorate cozily with chickens.
43. Spring chickens: young and frisky hens.
44. Grazing: lazy cow dining on grass.
45. Piggy bank: oinking coin collector.
46. Milk it: exploit cows for all their worth.
47. Chicken out: losing your nerve with poultry.
48. Henpecked: nagged by bossy chickens.
49. Sheepish: embarrassed like a shy lamb.
50. Slim pickings: meager offerings on the farm.

Best Farm Jokes (39)

51. What do you call a dog on a farm? A sheep herder!

52. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! Knock Knock. Who’s there? The chicken.

53. What happened when the cow tried jumping over the barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

54. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.

55. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.

56. Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

57. Did you hear that David lost his ID in prague? Now he’s just Dav.

58. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

59. I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail. But apparently you can’t end a sentence with a proposition.

60. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.

61. Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

62. Someone stole my mood ring. I don’t know how I feel about that.

63. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas.

64. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.

65. A hole was found in the wall of a nudist camp. Police are looking into it.

66. I used to have a fear of hurdles. But I got over it.

67. Q: Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own? A: It’s two tired!

68. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

69. If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

70. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

71. I went to buy some camo trousers but couldn’t find any.

72. I’m glad I know sign language. It’s pretty handy.

73. I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

74. Never trust atoms. They make up everything!

75. My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met. I’m not buying it.

76. The rotation of earth really makes my day.

77. I once farted in an elevator, it was wrong on so many levels.

78. Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.

79. I used to have a handle on life. But then it broke.

80. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

81. I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger, and then it hit me.

82. To the guy who stole my antidepressants, I hope you’re happy now.

83. My friend says to me, “What rhymes with orange” I said, “No it doesn’t”

84. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.

85. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

86. There are so many rules at the library it makes my head dictionary.