What do you call a sleepy dragon? A nappyrhynchoidea!
Why don’t dragons like fast food? They prefer to order their meals to go.
How does a dragon cook its food? With dragonfire!
Why did the dragon cross the road? To get to the medieval side.
What do you call a dragon that got stuck in a storm? A rain forest.
Why don’t dragons eat clowns? They taste funny.
What’s a dragon’s favorite snack? Maidens and chips.
What do you call a dragon that likes to swim? An oceandragon.
Why do dragons make good gardeners? They have green flames.
What do you call a dragon that cleans the house? A vacudrake.
Why do dragons never run out of ink? They have fountain pens.
What’s a dragon’s favorite genre of music? Heavy metal.
What did the dragon say when he stubbed his toe? Drogon!
Why don’t you see many baby dragons? Most of them are dragonflies.
What happens when a dragon gets mad? It dragonbreathes fire!
How does a dragon cook his food in the summer? With barbedrake.
What’s a dragon’s favorite day of the week? Fryday.
What’s a dragon’s favorite drink? Firewhiskey.
Why are dragons so smart? They have a high dragon coefficient.
What’s a dragon’s favorite hot beverage? Dragon tea.
Where do dragons put their groceries? In the drafridge.
How does a dragon like his steak? Rare.
What’s a dragon’s favorite unit of measurement? The drachma.
What’s a dragon’s favorite movie genre? Fire and brimstone fiction.
What’s a dragon’s favorite musical instrument? The drambone.
What do you call a sleepy dragon? A nappyrhynchoidea!
Why don’t dragons like fast food? They prefer to order their meals to go.
Dragon One-Liners (36)
I can’t believe I got fired from my job as a dragon tamer… just for drinking on the job. How unbridled!
They say dragons hoard gold, but I know a guy who hordes bronze. He’s part of the copper class.
Working as a dragon chef has its ups and downs. I love flaming food but hate cleaning up the ashes.
Dating a dragon seemed romantic at first, but eventually I realized I was just another trophy on her hoard.
My friend claims he once noodled a dragon. I’m skeptical, but who am I to dragon his name through the mud?
When the dragon lost its tooth, the tooth fairy left a pile of gold. Hey, dragon inflation is real!
I entered my pet dragon in a beauty pageant. Sadly, it was disqualified for enhansing its scales.
Our town’s fire department hired a dragon. Property damage has since dragonmatically increased.
My friend got rich selling novelty dragon repellent. There’s a sucker hatched every minute!
Working at a dragon farm sounded fun until I had to deworm them. It was a gnarly job.
I tried speed dating a dragon but she kept eating the other bachelors. At least I was getting lucky!
That fortune teller claiming she could speak to dragons was clearly a con artist. I smelled smoke and mirrors.
I bought a baby dragon on eBay but all I got was a lizard with a glued-on party hat. Lesson learned.
Quitting my job as a knight to become a dragon masseuse was a scaly career change but I don’t regret it.
Getting dumped via messenger pigeon by a dragon left me heartburned. Should have seen the smoke signals.
My friend claims he was abducted by dragons. Pretty sure those were just shrooms from the dragon dung he ate.
That girl said she wanted a dangerous bad boy so I put spikes on my leather jacket. Turns out she just meant dragons.
When my girlfriend said she loved beardburn, I glued dragon scales to my face. Ended up singeing off an eyebrow but she was into it.
Working tech support for dragon smartphones is a nightmare. I keep telling them claws aren’t styluses!
I’m swearing off dating dragons. Turns out their idea of chivalry is quite literal when it comes to horses.
Dragon sushi sounds exotic but it’s really just charred fish. False advertising if you ask me.
My friend claims he once arm wrestled a dragon. Unless it had T. rex arms, I’m calling dragon dung on that one.
Got dumped for being too clingy. Maybe calling her my precious did seem a bit Smaug-like in hindsight.
Told my date I was draconian in bed. Turns out that just means overly strict and punitive. Still didn’t get lucky.
Tried to woo a dragon by comparing her eyes to flaming opals. She just found it oppressive and consented under duress.
Accidentally bought my dragon a dog toy. He loved it anyway. Dragons – they’re just giant scaly puppies on the inside!
Best Dragon Jokes (36)
A knight was trying to slay a dragon, but was having no luck. He swung and missed yet again, and the dragon laughed at him. “You’ll never be able to kill me,” said the dragon. “You’re far too slow!” The knight shrugged and said “Maybe you’re right. But I don’t have to be faster than you … I just have to be faster than the king’s men when he finds out I didn’t kill you.”
What do you get when you cross a dragon and a snowman? Frostbite!
A dragon, a knight and a princess walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says “What is this, a joke?”
A baby dragon told its mother, “I love you!” But she replied “I’m not your mother, I’m your father.” The baby dragon said “But dad, you’ve been dragon your heels about telling me the truth!”
Why don’t dragons eat comedians? They taste funny.
A dragon and a mushroom walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
What do you call a sleeping dragon? A dragonsnore!
Why don’t dragons eat clowns? They taste funny!
How do you know when you’ve found a dragon’s weak spot? When it giggles uncontrollably after you tickle it.
A knight walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Why the shiny armor?” The knight replies “You would wear a suit of armor too if you went to work with dragons and fire every day!”
What do you call a dragon magician? A dragonicer!
What’s the first thing a dragon does in the morning? It dragons itself out of bed.
How does a dragon cook its food? With dragonfire!
What do you call a dragon crossed with a centipede? A dracontipede!
Knock knock. Who’s there? Dragon. Dragon who? Dragon my tail, let me in!
Why was the dragon sad? Because its father was gragon!
What’s the best thing to put into a pie crust? Dragonberries!
Why did the dragon blow smoke rings? Because it didn’t know how to blow square ones!
Did you hear about the cowboy who rode into town on a dragon? He lived his life on the wyvern.
Why did the dragon cross the road? To fight the knight in shining armor!
How do you organize a party for dragons? You scale it up.
What do you get if you cross a dragon with a porcupine? Lots and lots of holes in your dragon.
What do you call a grumpy dragon? A drag-on.
Why are dragons so smart? They have a high dragon coefficient.
Why don’t dragons eat clowns? They taste funny.
What do you call a dragon who chases cars? A drag racer.
How do you know when a dragon’s angry? There’s smoke coming out of its nostrils.
What’s the difference between a Komodo dragon and a fire breathing dragon? One’s a lizard, and the other’s a wizard!
Did you hear about the movie they’re making called “Dragon Trainer”? It looks like it might turn the scales on the dragon movie genre.
What do you call a dragon that likes watching television? A couch dragonpotato.
Why did the dragon cross the road? To fight the knight in shining armor!
