What do you call a boat that’s about to get married? A ship that’s about to sail down the aisle!
Why don’t oars like waking up early? They’re always rowing against the current.
What do you call a psychic boat repairman? A fortune teller.
My friend got kicked off the boat for being too negative. I guess they just couldn’t de-boat him.
What did the captain say when the lighthouse went out? Looks like we’re in the dark here.
Why do sailors make bad boyfriends? Because they have too much brig-gage.
How do ships see at night? With their nautical lights.
Why don’t boats play card games? Because they might get decked.
What do you call a parade of ships? A boat parade.
I tried water skiing, but couldn’t stay afloat. Boat could you do any better?
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large.
What do you call a boat full of penguins? An ark, ark, ark.
Why don’t eggs ride boats? They might get a little seasick.
What do you call a boat with 8 rows? An octo-rower.
Why was the anchor fired from his job? He couldn’t be a buo-yant employee.
What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the boat? Shiver me timbers!
Why don’t crabs ever donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? The C!
What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer!
Boat One-Liners (16)
I would make a boat pun right now but I think I would just be rowing the same joke over and over.
People say I’m like a boat because I never seem to be sailing straight.
I was going to tell a joke about a boat but decided to skipper it.
I bought a boat to sail around the world but lost interest and now it just floats around docked.
I’d tell you a joke about boats but it probably wouldn’t float your boat.
I entered a competition for most offensive boat name, but didn’t win. I guess I just didn’t have enough dock in me.
I wanted to live on a houseboat but didn’t have enough cabin fever.
My friend got seasick on the boat ride over but luckily I packed him some gingers to nip it.
I broke up with my boyfriend after he criticized my parking by saying I don’t know my starboard from my port side.
I used to work on a fishing boat but got fired for always sleeping on the jig.
Don’t worry about me on this boat ride, I was born with sea legs.
I was going to make a boatpun but decided to abandon ship.
Working on this boat is oarfully hard work.
I entered a regatta race but my ship sank. I guess I shouldn’t have proc-boat-stinated on fixing that leak!
Thought about living on a houseboat til I realized I get motion sicknesses.
Got seasick on the boat ride over but my friend said to focus on the horizon and I’d be shipshape in no time.
Best Boat Jokes (24)
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship’s wheel down his pants. The bartender says, “Hey, you know you have a ship’s wheel down your pants?” The pirate responds, “Arrrr, it’s driving me nuts!”
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? The C!
And what’s their second favorite letter? Also the C!
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer!
What’s a pirate’s favorite fast food restaurant? Arrrrby’s!
Why don’t crabs ever donate to charity? Because they’re shellfish!
Where do boats go for vacation? Yacht-away!
My friend’s boat sunk because it had too much cargo. I guess he over-freighted it.
I took my boat to the mechanic because the motor wasn’t working. He said not to worry, it was just a minor dinghy issue.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
What do you call a parade of ships? A boat parade!
I wanted to live on a houseboat but didn’t have enough cabin fever.
How do you sink a submarine full of blondes? Knock on the door.
What lies on the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
Where does a boat go when it’s sick? To the dock!
Boating is great until you hit a wave and get completely bowled over.
Two boats collided in the harbor today. Both crews are marooned.
Did you hear about the casino boat that ran aground in a lake? Yeah, it was In too Deep.
I’d tell you a joke about my boat but the last one didn’t quite float your boat.
What do you call two banana peels floating in the ocean? A pair of slippers!
My friend’s boat sprung a leak and now she’s taking on water. I told her to stay afloat!
I entered a boat race once but got so seasick I barfed on the poop deck.
What lies on the ocean floor and shakes? A nervous wreck.
Why was the anchor fired from his job? He couldn’t be a buoyant employee.
What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
Did you hear about the new French submarine? It sank on its maiden voyage because the screens weren’t waterproof.
