What do you call an apple that cuts hair? A barber!
Why did the apple turn red? It was embarrased!
How do apples communicate? They use iMessage!
Why did the apple go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peelin’ well!
What’s an apple’s favorite music? Wrap!
How do apples get clean? They take apple baths!
Why do apples make good teachers? Because they’re great at core subjects!
Where do baby apples come from? From apple seeds!
What do you call two apples that race? Fast fruits!
Why did the apple blush? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Apple One-Liners (15)
Apple a day keeps the doctor away…if you throw it hard enough!
Everyone has a core group of apples they hang out with.
Apple Maps – helping people get lost since 2012.
Behind every successful apple is a core group of supporters.
If apples could talk, they’d probably complain about falling from trees all day.
Apple – empowering people to overpay for electronics since 1976.
You know what really grinds my gears? Apple cores.
How do apples stay connected? They use iStem.
Don’t upset an apple cart or you’ll end up in a jam.
Apple – think overpriced.
Be the apple of my eye, not the banana in my ear.
Once you go Mac, you never go back. Because you can’t afford another Mac.
Teacher: Johnny Appleseed was an important historical figure. Student: Was he apple-solutely sure about that?
Love me tender, love me sweet, but don’t love my apple treats!
Eve took a bite of that forbidden apple, and the rest is hiss-tory.
Best Apple Jokes (28)
One day at the orchard, a farmer was picking apples when one fell on his head. He looked up and said, “Apple-ogies!”
Why did Apple make the iPod touch? To appeal to a more hands-on demographic.
What do you call an apple that doesn’t pay its debts? A bad apple!
My friend thinks he’s so smart, always saying “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” What he doesn’t know is that my doctor is also my wife, so thanks to him I hardly see her!
Why was the rotten apple so popular at the costume party? It was dressed to the core!
I entered my apple pie in the county fair, but it didn’t win any ribbons. Guess it just wasn’t appealin’ enough to the judges!
Two apples were baking in the oven. One apple said “Sure is hot in here!” The other apple said “Oh my goodness! A talking apple!”
Why do apple trees have trouble sleeping? They have restless apple syndrome!
Did you hear about the new cryptocurrency for apples? It’s called BitCoin!
What do you call an apple from outer space? An alien fruit!
My friend got hit in the head with a can of applesauce. He said it was only a minor con-apple-sion!
Why did the apple win the race? It took a shortcut.
Why was the chef disappointed with his apple souffle? It didn’t rise to the occasion.
Three apples walk into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, you’re not allowed in here, there’s no core ingress”.
Why did the apple turn down a date with the banana? It just didn’t find him a-peel-ing!
What’s an apple’s least favorite music? Crabapple!
Why don’t apples ever win hide and seek? Because they’re always in plane site!
Did you hear Siri is getting an upgrade? Yeah, they’re calling it Siri 2: Attack of the Killer Apples!
Why do apples make great spies? They can blend in to any environment!
Why don’t apples have wings? They just don’t have the capacity.
Where do apples go on vacation? Pear-is!
My friend said “An apple a day keeps the doctor away!” I said “But I am a doctor.” He replied “Well in that case, an apple a day will pay most of your student loans!”
Why did the rotten apple get arrested? For disturbing the peas!
What’s an apple’s least favorite punctuation mark? A period – it reminds them of being chopped up into applesauce!
Did you hear about the new Netflix show featuring anthropomorphic apples? It’s called Orange Is The New Snack!
Why don’t apples ever seem happy at work? Because they have sandy jobs.
Where do baby apples come from? From the apple tree’s stork!
Why did the apple turn red? You would too if you were sunburnt!
