Tailor Puns
- I asked my tailor to make me some pants out of fabric from an exquisite French mill, but he said it was a bit too Lyonnaise.
- My tailor friend charged me way too much to fix a hole in my sweater. I told him he really needs to sew his prices.
- I brought my favorite jacket to the tailor to be let out a bit. He said “No prob lem!”
- I asked the tailor if he could mend my baggy trousers. He said “No problem, I’ll take care of it right away – no pants for you!”
- Did you hear about the tailor who was arrested for selling drugs? Turns out he had a side seam.
- Why don’t scissors work well on corduroy pants? Because they always cut the cord!
- My tailor has started charging for minor adjustments. I guess you could say he’s nickle and diming me.
- I asked my tailor friend if he could make me a suit out of wrapping paper. He said it was a tailored request.
- Did you hear about the angry customer who threw a pair of pants at the tailor? It was a fit of rage.
- I told my tailor I ripped my pants during a dance battle. He said, “Let’s sew the dance floor.”
Tailor One-Liners
- I asked my tailor to make me look thinner. He said, “Sir, I’m a tailor not a magician.”
- I told my tailor, “I ripped my pants!” He said, “Well don’t come crying to me about it!”
- A tailor walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender asks, “What’s new?”
- I took my torn jacket to the tailor and asked if he could sew me back together again. He said, “I’m not a surgeon!”
- My tailor started laughing when he took my measurements. I said, “What’s so funny?” He said, “Those numbers!”
- I asked the tailor, “Can you make me look taller?” He said, “I’m a tailor, not a miracle worker!”
- I told the tailor, “I need pants that make me look sexy!” He said, “Have you considered a cardboard box instead?”
- A guy walked into a tailor shop and asked, “Can you sew me up something nice?”
- My tailor charged me $200 to sew on one button. I said, “Isn’t that excessive?” He said, “Hey, it’s my button rate.”
- I asked my tailor to make me look thinner. He took my measurements and said, “I recommend Jenny Craig.”
Best Tailor Jokes
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I was feeling down so I decided to treat myself to a custom tailored suit. I went to the best tailor in town and asked him to make me look slimmer and more attractive. A week later I returned to try on the finished suit. I put it on and looked in the mirror – I was absolutely horrified! The pants were so tight I could barely breathe and the jacket made me look like I had no neck.
“This is not what I asked for!” I complained to the tailor. “I look terrible!”
“What do you mean?” replied the tailor calmly. “I did exactly as you requested – you look much slimmer now.”
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Jake decided to treat himself and splurge on a custom made suit. He booked an appointment with the most renowned tailor in the city for a fitting.
The tailor took Jake’s measurements and a week later the suit was ready for a second fitting. Jake put on the suit and looked at himself in the mirror in horror – the pants were comically short and way too tight while the jacket sleeves extended far past his hands.
“This is ridiculous!” Jake complained to the tailor. “I look like a little kid trying on his dad’s suit!”
“I’m so sorry sir” replied the tailor, “let me fix that for you right away.”
A week later Jake returned again only to find the suit was even worse – the pants were now so baggy they nearly fell off and the jacket was oversized and boxlike.
“This is unbelievable!” yelled Jake. “How could you make it worse than before?”
“My apologies sir” said the tailor. “Come back next week and I guarantee the suit will fit you perfectly.”
The following week, Jake returned to find the tailor had passed away. Attached to the suit was a note: “My friend, I hope by intentionally altering your suit twice you finally see that it is you who must change, not the suit. May you have peace and happiness”.
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Sam decided to treat himself to a custom made suit and went to the best tailor in town. The tailor took his measurements and promised to have the suit ready in a week.
When Sam returned, he tried on the suit and was horrified at what he saw in the mirror. The pants were ridiculously tight and short while the jacket was oversized with sleeves longer than his arms.
“This suit is completely ridiculous!” yelled Sam. “I look like a clown, nothing fits at all!”
“I’m terribly sorry sir” replied the tailor calmly. “Just leave it with me and come back next week, I’ll have it fixed for you.”
The following week, Sam returned only to find the tailor had made the complete opposite alterations. The pants now hung off him loosely while the jacket was skintight around the chest and arms.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Sam. “How could you make it worse than it already was?”
“My deepest apologies sir” said the tailor. “This is on me, please return next week and I vow to have the suit tailored exactly to your measurements.”
When Sam came back the next week, the tailor was nowhere to be found. Hanging on the suit was a note reading:
“Dear sir, I hope by deliberately mis-tailoring your suit twice that you realize true perfection comes from within, not without. Wear this suit as a reminder to be comfortable in your own skin.”
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James decided to treat himself to a custom tailored suit and went to the best tailor in the city. The tailor took his measurements and promised to have the suit ready in a week.
When James returned, he eagerly tried on the suit only to be shocked at what he saw in the mirror. The pants were absurdly tight and short while the jacket sleeves extended far past his hands.
“This suit looks ridiculous!” James complained. “It’s way too small, I can barely move in it!”
“My sincere apologies, sir” replied the tailor. “Leave it with me and I’ll have this fixed straight away.”
The next week, James returned to find the tailor had let out the suit to the extreme. The pants were now baggy and long enough to trip over, while the jacket swallowed up his frame.
“You’ve got to be joking!” James exclaimed. “Now it’s massively too big! This can’t be so difficult.”
“I don’t know what to say, sir” the tailor responded. “Please accept my deepest apologies, come back next week and I vow to make this perfect for you.”
When James returned the following week, the shop was empty. Attached to the misshapen suit he found a note:
“Dear sir, I tailored your suit incorrectly twice in hopes you will see true perfection comes from within. May this suit remind you – you already are enough.”
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Jack decided to splurge on a custom tailored suit and headed to the best tailor in town. The tailor took Jack’s measurements and said to return in week for the first fitting.
When Jack tried on the finished suit he was horrified to find it comically oversized with pants pooling at his feet and jacket sleeves extending far past his hands.
“This suit is ridiculous!” Jack complained. “It’s way too big!”
“My apologies, sir” said the tailor. “Leave it with me and I’ll fix it straight away.”
The following week, Jack returned to find the tailor had taken the suit in drastically. The pants were now skintight while the jacket strained across his chest.
“You can’t be serious!” Jack exclaimed. “Now it’s way too small!”
“I’m so very sorry, sir” the tailor replied. “Please, give me one more chance to make this perfect for you.”
When Jack came back the next week, the shop was empty. Hanging on the malformed suit was a note:
“Dear sir, I hope my intentional mistakes will show you that true perfection comes from within. May this suit remind you that you are already enough.”
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Michael decided to buy himself a custom tailored suit and went to the best tailor in the city. The tailor took his measurements and said it would be ready in a week.
When Michael returned, he eagerly tried on the suit only to be dismayed by what he saw. The pants were ridiculously tight and short while the sleeves of the jacket went far past his hands.
“This suit looks absolutely terrible!” said Michael. “It doesn’t fit at all!”
“My apologies, sir” replied the tailor calmly. “Give me a week to correct this.”
The next week, Michael came back only to find the tailor had let out the suit to an extreme degree. The pants now hung off him while the jacket comically engulfed his frame.
“You can’t be serious!” Michael exclaimed. “Now it’s massively too large!”
“I sincerely apologize, sir” said the tailor. “Please allow me one more attempt.”
When Michael returned the following week, the shop was empty. On the misshapen suit was a note:
“Dear sir, I made two suits that did not fit you hoping you’d learn one cannot find perfection externally. May this suit remind you that you already are enough.”
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Dave decided to splurge and order a custom tailored suit. He went to the finest tailor in the city to get measured. A week later, Dave returned for his first fitting.
He eagerly put on the suit only to be shocked at what he saw in the mirror. The pants were ridiculously tight and short while the jacket sleeves extended hilariously past his hands.
“This suit is completely ridiculous!” Dave complained. “It’s way too small!”
“My apologies, sir” replied the tailor calmly. “Let me fix this for you.”
The next week Dave returned to find the tailor had dramatically let out the suit. The pants were baggy enough to fit two people while the jacket was oversized and boxy.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Dave. “Now it’s way too big!”
“I sincerely apologize for the mistake, sir” said the tailor. “Please come back next week, I vow to have it tailored perfectly.”
When Dave returned the following week, the shop was empty. Attached to the malformed suit was a note:
“Dear sir, my two failed suits were an attempt to show you that real perfection comes from within. May this suit remind you that you already are enough.”
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John decided to buy a custom tailored suit and approached the finest tailor in town. The tailor took precise measurements and told John to return in a week for the first fitting.
When John tried on the finished suit, he was shocked to find it disastrously ill-fitting. The pants were uncomfortably tight and short while the jacket sleeves extended far past his hands.
“This suit looks absolutely ridiculous!” John complained. “You got all the measurements wrong!”
“My sincere apologies, sir” replied the tailor calmly. “Please come back in one week and I will correct this suit to perfection.”
Exactly a week later, John returned to find the tailor had dramatically altered the suit in the opposite direction. The pants were now baggy enough for two people and the jacket drooped off John’s shoulders.
“You can’t be serious! Now it’s way too big!” exclaimed John. “What is going on?”
“I truly apologize for the mistakes, sir” said the tailor. “Give me one last chance and your suit will be impeccable.”
When John came back the next week, the tailor shop was empty. Attached to the misshapen suit was a note:
“Dear sir, I deliberately tailored your suit incorrectly twice in hopes that you will see true perfection comes from within. May this suit serve as a reminder that you are already enough.”
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Chris decided to splurge and buy himself a custom tailored suit. He booked an appointment with a high end tailor to get measured. A week later, Chris returned for his fitting.
He eagerly tried on the finished suit only to be horrified by what he saw in the mirror. The pants were ridiculously tight and short while the jacket sleeves stretched absurdly past his hands.
“This suit looks completely ridiculous!” Chris complained. “None of the measurements are even close to correct!”
“My deepest apologies, sir” replied the tailor calmly. “Allow me to fix this properly for next week.”
The following week, Chris came back only to find the tailor had dramatically altered the suit in the opposite direction. The pants were baggy and long enough to trip over while the jacket hung off Chris’ frame shapelessly.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” exclaimed Chris. “Now it’s massively too large!”
“I sincerely apologize for the mistakes, sir” said the tailor. “Please provide me one more chance.”
When Chris returned the next week, the shop was empty. Left on the misshapen suit was a note:
“Dear sir, I intentionally tailored your suit incorrectly twice in hopes you’d see that true perfection comes from within. May this suit serve as a reminder that you already are enough.”
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Mark decided to order himself a custom tailored suit and visited the most renowned tailor in town. The tailor took Mark’s measurements and promised to have the suit ready in a week.