Starbucks Puns (25)
- I wanted to buy some ground coffee but the barista said it was only available in beans. That’s too bad, I was hoping to read up on the latest grinds.
- Working at Starbucks has its perks but you really have to learn the ins and outs of coffee. Otherwise you’ll end up with egg on your face and be known as a froth-class barista.
- My friend got fired from Starbucks because she kept telling customers their orders were “grinding her gears.” I told her making espresso can be stressful but she needs to tamp down on the attitude.
- I heard Starbucks is coming out with a new extra large coffee called the “Trenta.” It’s so big you can trenta people around one cup.
- I asked the barista if the pumpkin spice latte was made with real pumpkins. She said “Of course! How else would we get it so pumpkin spicy?”
- Someone asked me why I was carrying around an empty Starbucks cup. I said, “It’s not empty, it’s full of their aroma!”
- Working as a Starbucks barista means making sacrifices. You have to give up all your spare thyme.
- My friend got a job harvesting coffee beans and said the plantation was lacking groundskeepers.
- My Starbucks order is so complicated that the baristas call me “Customizer.” I’m pretty sure my name is Cassandra though.
- Starbucks uses cups that say “Caution: The beverage you’re about to enjoy is extremely hot.” I’d rather have ones that say, “Warning: Drink slowly if you want to savor the flavor.”
- My friend spilled her Starbucks latte this morning. I told her don’t cry over spilled milk.
- Starbucks food is so overpriced. $5 for a banana? Those prices are bananas!
- Don’t you hate when Starbucks baristas ask for your name to write on the cup, but then they misspell it? My name is Ben but they always write Bean.
- Working as a Starbucks barista means constantly being on your toes. If you’re not careful, you can get pulled under by the machiavellian macchiatos.
- I went to Starbucks and asked for a regular coffee with cream. The barista said, “I’m sorry, we don’t have regular coffee here, only passionfruit dragonfruit refreshers and caramel walnut eggnog lattes.”
- My friend works as a Starbucks barista and says it’s just one big foam party every day.
- I failed the Starbucks barista exam when they asked me to name a famous coffee-drinking musician. I said BeethOven instead of Beethoven.
- Starbucks uses so many silly words on their menu. Today I tried to order a “small coffee” but they kept insisting those are called “talls.”
- Working as a Starbucks barista is an espresso-nsible job. You have to grind out drink orders while dealing with grumpy cus-tumeric-rs.
- I went to Starbucks and asked what seasonal drinks they recommend. The barista said, “I suggest trying our new Candy Cane Crush Frappuccino before it sprinkles away for the holidays!”
- My Starbucks order is longer than my grocery list. I’m pretty much a coffee customizer.
- Being a Starbucks barista seems fun but I don’t have enough beans for that kind of grind.
Starbucks One-Liners (25)
- I like my coffee how I like my dates: with Starbucks.
- Starbucks has really taken making coffee to an art foam.
- Don’t bother asking for cream at Starbucks, they’ll look at you like you ordered a unicorn frappuccino.
- The Starbucks secret menu has more options than my love life.
- Working at Starbucks looks fun but honestly, I don’t have the skills to pay the bills.
- You know you go to Starbucks too much when the baristas know your order by heart.
- I spilled my Starbucks drink but told myself don’t cry over it, spill milk.
- Starbucks: where you can pay $6 for bean water in a cup.
- Me at Starbucks: I’ll just get a small coffee. Barista: We don’t have small, we have tall. Me: So…a small then?
- Starbucks customers only want one thing and it’s f***ing disgusting: pumpkin spice.
- Working at Starbucks requires skills I don’t have: making coffee, dealing with customers, having a job.
- I’d be lost without my daily dose of overpriced burnt Starbucks coffee.
- Becoming a Starbucks barista seems fun until you realize you have to wake up at 4am.
- Starbucks customer: Can I get a small coffee? Barista: We don’t have small, only short. Customer: So…a small then?
- I only go to Starbucks for the gram, the $7 drinks aren’t even that good.
- Me in the Starbucks drive-thru: Can I get a venti dark roast? Barista: We don’t serve dark roast. *drives away*
- Starbucks barista: Can I get a name for the order? Me: Benedict Cumberbatch. Barista: Got it, Ben!
- I quit drinking Starbucks for a week and switched to making my own coffee. It was a latte work for not a lotta money saved.
- Starbucks fridge section has like 97 types of milk and creamers but not one single jug of half and half.
- Trying to order a “small coffee” at Starbucks is an everlasting battle I’ll never win.
- If Starbucks ever runs out of pumpkin spice I will literally die.
- Minimum wage workers at Starbucks make tastier drinks than I could ever whip up at home.
- Me waiting in the Starbucks drive-thru when there’s a huge line: *sips yesterday’s Starbucks* This will hold me over.
Best Starbucks Jokes (25)
1. I went to Starbucks and asked the barista if they had samples of their Christmas blend coffee I could try. She said no, you can only sample our coffees if you’re brewing at home. I said oh don’t worry, I am brewing at home. Then I pulled an entire French press set out of my purse and asked her to sample me.
2. My friend got a seasonal job working as an elf at the mall Starbucks. She said she mostly makes peppermint mochas, gingerbread lattes, and deals with a lot of cranky kids yelling at her about the wrong foam art on their hot chocolates. But she gets to wear pointy shoes and bells on her hat, so it’s not all bad.
3. I was at Starbucks and said to the barista, “Can I get a grande caramel macchiato with almond milk please. Oh, and can you write ‘Beth’ on the cup?” The barista replied, “Sure, no problem.” When I got my drink, the name on the cup said “Beff.” Close enough I guess.
4. My hometown just got its very first Starbucks. It’s so exciting to finally have a local place to get my pumpkin spice latte fix! No more driving 45 minutes to the next town over. Plus this Starbucks has couches and free wifi, so I can pretend it’s my office while I sip my $7 coffee for 4 hours straight.
5. I saw a job posting for a Starbucks barista and considered applying for fun. Then I saw the list of skills required including operating espresso machines, taking food safety courses, and waking up at 4am. Nevermind, I’ll just stick to enjoying their pumpkin spice lattes as a customer.
6. I asked the Starbucks barista for a coffee recommendation and he suggested the bold roast because it has a rich, chocolatey flavor. I was like sure let’s go with that! Then I tasted it and was like, umm this just tastes like regular burnt Starbucks coffee. Nice try on the upsell my dude.
7. My favorite holiday Starbucks drink is the eggnog latte because it combines my two favorite winter flavors: coffee and liquid custard. It looks like a big cup of eggnog and tastes like Christmas in caffeinated drink form. The only downside is after a few sips I feel like I chugged a carton of expired egg yolks.
8. I saw they were hiring baristas at Starbucks so I applied. At the interview they asked if I knew how to operate an espresso machine. I confidently said yes even though I’ve never touched one in my life. Gotta fake it til you make the perfect pumpkin spice latte am I right?
9. Me at the Starbucks drive-thru: Hi can I get a venti pumpkin spice latte with no foam and extra whipped cream? Barista: Ma’am, this is a McDonald’s.
10. I tried to tell the Starbucks barista my name was Khaleesi when ordering but he just wrote “Kaylee” on the cup. The nerve. I’ll take my dragon-size latte sans foam and will not be accepting any substitutions.
11. Starbucks cashier: What size? Me: Small. Starbucks cashier: We have Tall, Grande, and Venti. Me: Small it is. Starbucks cashier: No, Tall is the smallest. Me: Then I’ll take the small. Starbucks cashier: *eye twitch*
12. Me waiting for my daily Starbucks coffee: “Hurry up, I can’t function without my liquid energy.” Barista: “Ma’am, this is a gas station.”
13. I saw a job posting for Starbucks that said “Competitive salary plus tips!” Then in the fine print it said “Salary – Minimum wage. Tips – Whatever coins customers throw at you.” Hard pass.
14. Starbucks barista: What’s your name? Me: Benedict Cumberbatch. Starbucks barista: Got it, Ben! Me: *sighs* Close enough.
15. I asked for a water cup at Starbucks and they charged me $0.25. I said just give me a small coffee for $2 then since water shouldn’t cost money. Capitalism wins again!
16. Me in the Starbucks drive-thru: Can I get a Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte please? Barista: I’m sorry, we’re out of pumpkin spice, it’s July. Me: *drives away sobbing*
17. Starbucks cashier: Can I get a name for the order? Me: Buttercup Barista: *writes Butternut*
Me: No, ButterCUP Barista: *writes Butternip* Nevermind.
18. I saw a job posting for Starbucks barista and considered applying but then saw the starting hourly wage was minimum. I can barely afford to buy one of their lattes, let alone work there!
19. I went to Starbucks but they were out of pumpkin spice syrup. They offered to make my latte with hazelnut instead. I said no thanks, I’ll just go to the Nordstrom café and get my PSL fix there. Crisis averted.
20. The Starbucks drive-thru worker asked me to pull up because the order ahead of mine was taking a while. I said, “Of course! I totes get it, they’re probably some high maintenance chick with a crazy complicated order lol.” It was me…I was the high maintenance chick.
21. Starbucks cashier: Can I get your name? Me: Captain Marvel Starbucks cashier: Got it, Catherine!
Me: *ponders throwing cashier into the sun* No, Captain MARVEL
22. Barista: What size? Me: Medium Barista: We don’t have medium, we have Tall, Grande and Venti Me: Ok…middle sized then Barista: So a Grande? Me: *sigh* Yes.
23. Starbucks is releasing their new holiday cups soon! I can’t wait to take pics posing with my Venti Peppermint Mocha next to their new red and green cups and pretend I’m living my holly jolly best life on Instagram.
24. Me: Can I get a small coffee? Starbucks barista: We don’t have small, we have tall. Me: So…. a small then? Starbucks barista: No, tall is the smallest. Me: Ok….then I’ll take a small. Starbucks barista: *eye twitches*
25. I saw a help wanted sign at Starbucks that said “Baristas wanted – no experience necessary.” So I applied and got the job. On my first day they said, “Okay first go make a venti caramel macchiato.” Uh….is it too late to get some of that barista experience?