Sally Puns (15)
1. Why did Sally get fired from the chocolate factory? She kept taking all the Snickers!
2. What did Sally say when she couldn’t find her dog? “Where’s Rover?!”
3. Why doesn’t Sally like summer? Because it’s too darn hot!
4. Why can’t Sally ever keep a secret? Because she always Sally tells!
5. What do you call a psychic midget who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large!
6. Why doesn’t Sally trust stairs? Because they’re always up to something!
7. Why did Sally throw butter out the window? She wanted to see a butterfly!
8. Why couldn’t Sally ride a bike? Because she was two tired!
9. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? De-Sally!
10. Why did Sally put a clock under her desk? She wanted to work over-time!
11. Why doesn’t Sally invite kleptomaniacs over? Because they always take things literally!
12. What time did Sally go to the dentist? Tooth hurty!
13. Why was Sally looking up at an empty sky? She was waiting for her son to call her!
14. Why doesn’t Sally play cards in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
15. I bet Sally $20 that she couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!
Sally One-Liners (15)
16. Sally is so dumb, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
17. Sally is so dumb, she trips over cordless phones.
18. Sally is so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
19. Sally is so dumb, she stole free bread samples.
20. Sally is so dumb, she called the 7-11 to see if they were open 24 hours.
21. Sally is so dumb, she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
22. Sally is so dumb, it takes her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
23. Sally is so dumb, the only thing she’s qualified for is being roadkill.
24. Sally is so dumb, she put lipstick on her forehead to make up her mind.
25. Sally is so dumb, she tripped over a cordless phone.
26. Sally is so dumb, she ordered a cheeseburger from McDonald’s and said “Hold the cheese.”
27. Sally is so dumb, she got hit by a parked car.
28. Sally is so dumb, when she saw the “NC-17 (Under 17 Not Admitted)” sign, she went home and got 16 friends.
29. Sally is so dumb, when riding a bus, Sally would ring the bell on every stop in case someone wanted to get off.
30. Sally is so dumb, she spent 20 minutes looking at an orange juice box because it said “concentrate.”
Best Sally Jokes (15)
31. Sally walked into a bar and said, “Hi, my name is Sally. Can I have a whiskey coke please?” The bartender gives Sally a whiskey coke. She drank it and said, “Thank you!” before walking out without paying.
The bartender yells, “Hey, you didn’t pay!” Sally comes back in and says, “Oh I’m so sorry, I just assumed it was on the house.”
32. Sally was having trouble with her computer so she called the help desk for assistance. “My computer won’t turn on!” She complained. The technician asked her “Is it plugged in?” Sally replied, “No, its always been a laptop!”
33. Sally’s teacher asked her to use the word “contagious” in a sentence. Sally said, “I had to stay home from school last week because I had contagious diarrhea.”
34. Sally’s mom texts her: “Sally I told you 100 times, stop leaving your clothes on the floor!” Sally texts back: “Mom, this is Sally’s friend Ashley. Sally died yesterday.” Mom texts: “This isn’t funny, stop messing around!” Ashley: “But this really is Ashley, I’m texting you from Sally’s phone. Sadly she passed away…” Mom calls Sally sobbing: “Honey are you okay?? You had me so worried!” Sally: “April Fools! I’m still alive!”
35. Sally went to the eye doctor for an eye exam. The doctor told her, “OK, read the letters on the chart.” Sally replied, “Sorry, I can’t.” The doctor asked, “Alright, can you tell me what the first 3 letters are?” Sally said, “I don’t know.” Getting frustrated, the doctor asked “Well, can you at least guess the first letter?” Sally replied, “Doc, I’m completely blind, I can’t see anything!”
36. Sally was applying for a job and the interviewer asked her, “What is your greatest weakness?” Sally responded, “I’m very honest.” The interviewer said, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” Sally replied, “I don’t care what you think.”
37. Sally walks into a restaurant and orders a chicken parmesan. When her meal arrives, she notices there are no noodles on her plate. She asks the waiter, “Excuse me, where are the noodles for this?” The waiter says, “I’m so sorry ma’am, you have my deepest apologies, but noodles don’t go with chicken parmesan. We’ve never served them together.” Sally replies, “Oh okay.” And then it hits her. “Hey, I remember now… I should have ordered the spaghetti! Dratz!”
38. Sally was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child when the nurse came in and informed her, “You have a baby boy but we weren’t sure what you wanted to name him so we just put ‘Unknown’ for now.” Sally replied, “Oh I actually already had a name picked out. I’m going to name him Denephew.” The nurse responded, “Denephew? That’s an interesting name, I don’t think I’ve heard that one before. What made you want to choose that?” Sally explained, “Well my sister named her son Dennis and my other sister named her son Nephew. So I figured for my first born son I’d honor them both and name him Denephew.”
39. Sally was applying for a new job and the hiring manager asked her, “What are your weaknesses?” Sally responded, “I’m brutally honest.” The manager smiled and said, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness. On the contrary, it’s a virtue.” Sally replied, “I honestly don’t care what you think.”
40. Sally walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive man. She looks at him seductively and says, “Hey there handsome, how’s it going?” The man looks her up and down and says, “I’m doing alright, but I’m gay.” Sally laughs and says, “Omg me too! What are the odds? We should totally get drunk and hook up.” The man replies, “I’m gay, not desperate.”
41. Why can’t Sally be a pharmacist? Because she can’t get the prescription right.
42. Why doesn’t Sally eat clocks? Because it’s too time consuming.
43. Why doesn’t Sally swim in the ocean? Because she doesn’t want to get attacked by Sally-nado.
44. Why does Sally hate riding roller coasters? Because Sally hates big dips.
45. Why did Sally keep a ruler by her bed? So she could see how long she slept.
