55 Hysterical Paint Jokes

Paint Puns

1. What do you call paint that doesn’t dry properly? A sticky situation!
2. Why was the can of paint sad? It felt blue!
3. What did the painter say to the wall? One more coat and I’ll cover you!
4. Why do painters get to work early? They like to brush up before starting!
5. What do you call a paint color that makes you hungry? Appetite whetting!
6. How does a painter freshen their breath? They gargle with thinner!
7. Why are painters terrible at keeping secrets? They spill the tea!
8. What do you call a painter who only uses shades of green? A monochrome!
9. How does a painter relax after work? They watch paint dry!
10. Why do painters make great philosophers? They spend a lot of time pondering shades of being!

Paint One-Liners

1. I was going to tell a paint joke, but I didn’t want to brush people the wrong way.
2. Did you hear about the painter who fell into a bucket of varnish? He ended up in a sticky situation!
3. What did the wall say to the painter?thanks for the new coat!
4. What do you call a paint spill in a hospital? A euthanasia!
5. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it!
6. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
7. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
8. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
9. What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese!
10. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!

Best Paint Jokes

1. A customer walked into the paint store and asked the manager, “How much will a gallon of purple paint cost me?” The manager replied, “Well, our purple paint is $20 per gallon.” The customer was shocked and said, “Wow, that seems really expensive for just purple paint!” The manager smiled and responded, “Well, it may seem expensive, but this isn’t just any purple paint. This shade of lavender purple will make any room look absolutely stunning. Plus, it’s our highest quality, longest-lasting purple paint, so it’s really worth the extra cost in the long run.” Still not totally convinced, the customer decided to buy it anyway. A few weeks later, the customer returned with a huge smile, saying the purple paint was worth every penny. The beautiful purple color had transformed his living room into a peaceful oasis, and he couldn’t stop getting compliments from friends and family on how amazing it looked.

2. A kindergarten class decided they were going to paint pictures of flowers to decorate their classroom. The teacher set up stations of paint and brushes and let the kids get to work. One little girl named Sally kept running back up to the teacher frustrated. “My flower has no stem! How can I make a stem?” The teacher helped Sally squeeze some green paint onto the page to make a stem. Satisfied, Sally returned to her desk. A few minutes later she returned, exasperated again. “My flower has no leaves! How can I make leaves?” Chuckling, the teacher helped Sally brush on some green paint for leaves. Finally, Sally went back to her desk and finished her picture. At the end of class the teacher told the students to sign their paintings. In the corner of her painting in her best attempt at writing, Sally scrawled “God.” That night at the open house, Sally’s parents were admiring her colorful flower painting when they noticed her “signature.” They asked Sally why she had written that in the corner of her picture. Beaming with pride, Sally turned to them and said, “Isn’t it wonderful? I painted the flower, but God made the stem and leaves!”

3. An established artist was hosting a gathering for some up and coming artists to offer mentorship and advice. As he showed the young artists around his studio, they were in awe of his work. One young painter kept staring at a plain white canvas sitting on an easel. “If you’re such an accomplished artist, why do you have that plain canvas sitting there?” he rudely questioned. Without missing a beat, the mentor artist replied, “To remind myself that every great work of art starts with nothing more than a blank canvas and vision.” The young painter learned an important lesson that day – all masterpieces begin with simple beginnings.

4. Stevie Wonder went to Home Depot to get some paint supplies for a home renovation project. He headed to the paint aisle but realized he couldn’t see the color options. Frustrated, Stevie said to the shop assistant, “Hey, I’m blind! Can you help me out here?” The assistant replied, “No problem, sir. We have red, blue, yellow, orange…” Stevie interrupted him, waving his hands, “No, no, no. I mean I’m actually blind!” The assistant paused, embarrassed that he didn’t realize Stevie Wonder was literally blind. Stevie couldn’t help but crack up laughing. “I’m just messing with you, man! But for real…what colors do you have?”

5. The art museum had accidentally made duplicates of several famous paintings that were originally one-of-a-kind. The staff didn’t notice the mistake until the day before the grand opening. Panicked about having duplicate masterpieces, the curator devised a plan and called in a crew of artists. Working through the night, they added tiny details to the duplicate paintings that only a true art enthusiast would ever notice. The next day, thousands of people flooded the new exhibits, none the wiser that anything was amiss. As one man scrutinized a Van Gogh copy, staring with a puzzled look, the curator approached nervously. “Is something wrong?” she asked. “Well…” the man replied, “I could have sworn Van Gogh only painted 11 swirls in the original Starry Night. But this one has 12!” The curator smiled slyly, glad her plan worked perfectly.

6. Why was the tube of blue paint sad? Because it felt down in the blues!

7. How did the painting get injured? It fell off the wall!

8. What do you call a paintbrush that misses the canvas? A mis-stroke!

9. Why was the artist’s date a complete failure? He kept droning on about paint colors!

10. What’s the fastest way to anger an abstract artist? Keep asking what their paintings are supposed to be!

11. My friend told me this hilarious joke about impressionsim. I didn’t get it at first, but eventually it clicked!

12. What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner!

13. Why was the painter arrested? He had a brush with the law!

14. What does a painter do when he gets cold? Puts on another coat!

15. How do artists stay cool in the summer? They use their fans!

16. Why did the painting seem so lifelike? The artist drew on real experience!

17. What did the painter say to her boyfriend? I love you with all my art!

18. Where do painters go for vacation? The Louvre!

19. How do you make paint? You mix it up a little!

20. Why was the painter fired from his job? He kept spacing out!