Optometrist Puns
1. I heard two optometrists got into a fight. It was an eye for an eye.
2. What do you call an optometrist who is running late for work? A myopic chiroptic.
3. Why was the nearsighted optometrist always squinting? He couldn’t see far enough ahead.
4. Why are optometrists great at throwing parties? They know how to make things look bigger.
5. My optometrist told me I have astigmatism. I’m seeing things from a different angle now.
6. I was going to tell a joke about optometrists, but I didn’t see the point.
7. What do you call an optometrist with poor depth perception? Dr. Miscalculates.
8. Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself.
9. What’s an optometrist’s favorite breakfast? Eye-hop and glaucoma.
10. Why do optometrists make the best detectives? They have an eye for detail.
Optometrist One-Liners
11. Optometrists must have a good outlook on life.
12. Optometrists really make vision their mission.
13. Optometrists help you focus on what’s important.
14. Optometrists help keep an eye on things.
15. Optometrists help you see the big picture.
16. Optometrists know beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
17. Optometrists help clear your vision.
18. Optometrists give you a new perspective.
19. Optometrists make sure you’re not shortsighted.
20. Optometrists lens a helping hand.
Best Optometrist Jokes
21. A man walked into an optometrist’s office and the optometrist asked, “What seems to be the problem?”
The man replied, “I think I’m a moth.”
The optometrist said, “I can’t help you, you need a psychiatrist.”
The man responded, “I know, I was on my way there but I saw your light on and got distracted.”
22. Jake went to the optometrist for an eye exam. The optometrist showed him a chart and asked, “Can you read this?”
Jake squinted and said, “Read it? Doc, I know the guy!”
23. Sarah went to get her eyes checked because she was having trouble seeing up close. The optometrist said, “I know exactly what you need.”
He opened a drawer, pulled out a large bottle, and handed it to Sarah. She looked at it and said, “This is mouthwash!”
The optometrist said, “Yeah, I know. But you should see your breath!”
24. An optometrist was testing a patient’s vision. “Can you read the letters on the third line?” he asked.
“Sorry, they just look like a big blur,” the patient replied.
“Hmm, interesting,” said the optometrist. “Can you read MY shirt?”
The patient squinted and said, “Sorry, I can’t.”
The optometrist laughed and said, “That’s because my shirt says ‘OPTOMETRISTS MAKE PATIENTS READ THE BIG E’.”
25. A woman went to the eye doctor to get her eyes checked. The optometrist told her she had a cataract. The woman was dismayed and said, “Oh no, I can’t possibly have a cataract, I drive a Mercedes!”
26. An optometrist fell into a lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
27. Why did the optometrist win the staring contest? He had more focus.
28. What’s the best thing about dating an optometrist? They’re great at eye contact.
29. How does an optometrist pamper their eyes at the end of a long day? Eye drops.
30. How do you know when your optometrist is getting old? Their vision is deteriorating.
31. What did the nearsighted optometrist say when he sat on his glasses? “Well this puts a new perspective on things.”
32. How do you know when an optometrist likes you? They make more eye contact than necessary during exams.
33. Why do optometrists make the worst criminals? Because they always leave behind an eyewitness.
34. Why was the optometrist afraid to give exams at night? She didn’t want to work after dark.
35. What’s an optometrist’s favorite section of the newspaper? The eye-witness news.
36. Why do optometrists like high places? They enjoy the better vision from higher ground.
37. How does an optometrist stay awake for long shifts? With eye-openers like coffee.
38. What do you call two optometrists who start dating? A cute optic couple.
39. Why are optometrists so punctual? They keep a close eye on the clock.
40. Why do optometrists throw so many surprise parties? They’re good at keeping things undercover.
41. What’s an optometrist’s favorite emoji? 👀
42. Did you hear about the blind optometrist? Yeah, me neither.
43. Why are optometrists so optimistic? Because they always see the glass as half full.
44. Where do optometrists go for fun? To the eye-max theater!
45. How does an optometrist stay in shape? With a thorough eye exercise routine.
46. Why was the farsighted optometrist always early for appointments? He liked to look ahead.
47. What’s an optometrist’s favorite dinosaur? The T-Rex, for their tiny arms.
48. How does an optometrist measure time? With a retinal clock.
49. What do you call two optometrists who get in a fight? A blinkered viewpoint.
50. Why do optometrists get competitive around the holidays? They have to out-decoration each other.
51. Why are optometrists great at darts? They have excellent hand-eye coordination.
52. What do you call someone who illegally sells discounted eyeglasses? A shady optician.
53. What do you call an optometrist who turns into a sheep? A baaaad doctor.
54. Why do optometrists like listening to rap music? Because of the sick beats per minute.
55. What’s an optometrist’s favorite workout? Squint-lifts!
56. Why do optometrists wear funny-looking glasses? For ironic sight gags.
57. Why did the nearsighted optometrist keep running into walls? He couldn’t see far enough ahead to turn.
58. Why did the optometrist throw his glasses out the window? He was fed up with his myopic viewpoint.
59. How does an optometrist hype themselves up before an exam? With a pep retinal.
60. What do you call an optometrist who refuses to see people with vision problems? Closed-minded.