Newspaper Puns
1. I tried to come up with some newspaper puns, but none of them made the headlines.
2. The newspaper business is quite cutthroat. There’s a new edition every day.
3. I wanted to work at the newspaper factory but they said the presses were running.
4. The newspaper writer was caught plagiarizing. I guess he was just trying to copy edit.
5. I heard the newspaper is running low on ink. Looks like they’re in a black and white situation now.
6. The newspaper editor was feeling blue after reading all the sad stories. I told him to read between the lines.
7. I wanted to get a job at the newspaper company but they didn’t have an opening. The positions were all filled.
8. The newspaper had to let some of their staff go. It was a layoff edition.
9. I tried to apply for a proofreading job at the newspaper but they said the positions had already been redacted.
10. The newspaper factory was very loud. You could say it was quite a press release.
11. I wanted to work at the newspaper stand but the manager said all the jobs had been taken. He said I arrived too late to the press conference.
12. The newspaper editor was feeling overwhelmed with the daily news. He said he was working on the breaking point edition.
13. The newspaper had misprinted the weather report. It was quite the cloudy forecast with a chance of paper precipitation.
14. I wanted to get a subscription to the newspaper but it was too much of a paper view for me.
15. The newspaper stand was out of business. I guess they just couldn’t make ends meet.
Newspaper One-Liners
16. I wanted to get the latest newspaper but the newsstand attendant said it was still printing press.
17. The newspaper had a special pullout section – it was the crossword puzzle.
18. The newspaper editor was bored of his job – he felt like he was just rehashing old stories.
19. The newspaper factory workers were on strike demanding fair wages. The headlines read: Presses Stopped, News Halted.
20. I tried to get a job at the newspaper company but they said the positions were folded up.
21. The newspaper stand owner was caught stealing copies. I guess old habits die hard news.
22. I wanted to work at the newspaper stand but the owner said he was fully staffed and didn’t need extra paper hands.
23. The newspaper editor was let go due to budget cuts. It was a short story.
24. The newspaper factory ordered too much paper. Now they have reams and reams of excess.
25. The newspaper designer was let go for using too many fonts. It was quite the Times New Roman.
26. I wanted to get a newspaper subscription but the fees were not worth the paper it was printed on.
27. The newspaper stand ran out of copies before noon. I guess they underestimated the morning edition demand.
28. I tried to get a job at the newspaper company but they weren’t taking any more reporters. The positions had been bylined.
29. The newspaper editor was working overtime to meet the deadlines. He was rushed off his feet trying to get the stories in print.
30. I wanted to get my small town newspaper printed but the only local press was occupied.
Best Newspaper Jokes
31. A man walked into a newspaper stand and asked the owner “Do you have today’s paper?” The owner replied “No, that’s tomorrow’s paper”.
32. A journalist walks into a bar. The bartender asks “Why the long face?” The journalist replies “My editor rejected my story pitch”.
33. A newspaper editor, writer and designer walk into a bar. The editor says “Make it a short story”, the writer says “But headline it prominently”, the designer says “Just don’t change the font size”.
34. How does a newspaper get around town? It papers the streets!
35. What do you call shredded newspaper in your yard? Papier mache!
36. Why did the newspaper cross the road? To get to the other headline.
37. What do you call a paper that’s afraid of heights? Chicken news!
38. Why shouldn’t you believe anything you read in the newspaper? Because it’s probably fake newsprint!
39. Why don’t newspapers have horoscopes? There’s no good news in the future!
40. What’s the difference between a newspaper and toilet paper? About two sheets!
41. A man is reading his newspaper and says to his wife “This paper says cigarettes could kill you”. The wife replies “Well dear, are you still smoking?” The man says “No, I just started reading the paper”.
42. A guy is reading a newspaper with the headline “12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed”. He asks his friend “How many is a brazilian?”
43. A man is sitting reading his newspaper and his wife is knitting nearby. The man says “It says here most accidents happen within 10 miles of home”. His wife replies without looking up “We live more than 10 miles from any hospital, so what are you worrying about?”
44. Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into the newspaper printing press? He made a spectacle of himself.
45. Why did the newspaper break up with her boyfriend? There was no future in the relationship.
46. What’s black, white and red all over? An embarrassed newspaper!
47. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
48. I tried to write headlines for the newspaper but couldn’t come up with anything good. It was news to me.
49. What’s the difference between a newspaper boy and a lamp post? One papers the streets and one posts the papers!
50. How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
51. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
52. What’s the difference between a newspaper and a cat? One has nine lives, the other has nine sections!
53. I wanted a career in recycling old newspapers but the opportunities kept getting recycled.
54. Newspapers are great in the morning but they’re even better at night – that’s when the news is always current!
55. What does a newspaper cost on the black market? Nothing, that would be illegal and unethical.
56. Did you see the new newspaper store opened up? It’s quite the news stand out.
57. What did the newspaper say to her ex? Let’s end this edition of our relationship.
