Nail clippers Puns
1. I bought my nail clippers a tiny apartment. It’s their mani-pad.
2. My nail clippers were feeling down, so I took them to the spa. They got a little off the top.
3. Nail clippers aren’t afraid to take risks. They live life on the edge.
4. I entered my nail clippers in a beauty pageant. They took home the crown for Miss Clipping USA.
5. My nail clippers started an emo band called The Clippers. Their songs are so edgy.
6. I caught my nail clippers stealing money from my wallet. They must be clipper thieves.
7. Nail clippers should work for the police. They’re great at nail-ing criminals.
8. My nail clippers are starting a landscaping business called Clippers and Hedges.
9. I brought my nail clippers on a cruise. They had a clipping good time.
10. Nail clippers make greatographers. They always get the perfect clip.
11. My nail clippers started doing stand up comedy. Their acts have a real cutting edge.
12. I took my nail clippers to get their portrait done. The painting turned out very clipperesque.
13. Nail clippers would make great lumberjacks. They’re the best at log clipping.
14. My nail clippers dyed their handles neon colors. Now they’re pretty hip clips.
15. Nail clippers should work at the mint. They’d be great at coin clipping.
Nail clippers One Liners
16. My nail clippers are so sharp they double as hedge clippers.
17. Don’t fall asleep next to nail clippers unless you want to wake up clipped.
18. Nail clippers don’t need knives to spread butter, they just use their edges.
19. Nail clippers cut hair better than scissors do.
20. I bring nail clippers on planes in case of an in-nail emergency.
21. Nail clippers – perfect for giving your nails an edge.
22. My nail clippers started an all metal band called Steele Clipper.
23. Don’t run with nail clippers, you could clip yourself.
24. Nail clippers don’t need can openers, their edges work fine.
25. Nail clippers have sharper comebacks than anyone I know.
26. My nail clippers became lumberjacks, turns out they are great at log clipping.
27. Nail clippers should work airport security, no one could sneak clippers past them.
28. Don’t try lying to nail clippers, they can cut through any story.
29. Nail clippers stay up to date on all the latest clips.
30. My nail clippers became barbers, no one gets a sharper cut.
Best nail clippers Jokes
31. My friend brought his nail clippers camping last weekend. At first I thought it was a weird thing to bring, but it turns out they were great at clipping kindling for the fire. They also came in handy when we needed to open some boxes. And when my friend’s shoelace broke, the nail clippers clipped a perfect new edge so he could re-tie it. So I guess you could say those nail clippers really clipped through everything we threw at them!
32. I was running late for work today so I asked my nail clippers to clip my nails for me while I got ready. Big mistake! I ended up with the most jagged, uneven nails you’ve ever seen. Next time I’ll remember—never ask clippers to do a manicurist’s job!
33. My nail clippers got arrested last night for a clipping and driving. Apparently they had clipped one too many nails before getting behind the wheel. The cop did a nailalyzer test and it came back well above the legal clipping limit. Their lawyer is arguing that the nailalyzer was clipped, but I don’t think that defense will clip it in court. They’re looking at doing some hard time in the clink!
34. My friend is a professional nail clipper collector. He has clippers from every era—antique clippers from the Victorian age, roaring 20s clippers, art deco clippers from the 30s. He even has a rare pair of Ming dynasty nail clippers from centuries ago! The amazing thing is that they still clip nails perfectly after all these years. Just goes to show how well-made old nail clippers were.
35. What did the nail say to the clippers? Clip me if you can!
36. My nail clippers were always getting into mischief when I was a kid. They’d sneak out at night to go clipping with the wrong crowd. I’d find them trying to clip pennies to get the copper out or giving my little sister a disastrous haircut. Mom finally had enough and grounded them to a drawer for a month. Guess they just had too much edge and needed to clip it out of their system!
37. I entered my nail clippers in the town talent show last night. I knew they were talented but I didn’t expect them to win! For their act they did an acrobatic clipping routine, twirling through the air clipping ribbons and branches. The crowd went wild when they clipped a person’s tie right off their neck in one clean snip! The judges said it was the sharpest act they had ever seen.
38. I was out shopping and saw a sign for “open-toe nail clippers.” Intrigued, I went in to check them out. Apparently they are specially designed for pedicures, with rounded edges to gently clip toenails. I tried them out that night and they worked great. Although I have to admit it still makes me a little queasy seeing my toenails actually get clipped—I guess I’m too used to closed-toe traditional nail clippers!
39. I was about to clip my nails yesterday when I realized my clippers were gone. I searched everywhere but couldn’t find them. Finally I gave up and went to use my backup pair, only to find THOSE were missing too! Turns out my nail clippers had started a clippers labor union and were on strike for better working conditions. After some tense negotiations, we agreed that an extra drop of oil each month would resolve their grievances. Clippers can be so dramatic sometimes!
40. My nail clippers were always organizing crazy parties in college. Clipathon bashes, clipping raves—you name it. But after graduation they really clipped it into high gear with their clipping social life. They joined an elite nail clipping club and hosted black clippers events with celebrities every weekend. I hardly saw them anymore, they were so obsessed with staying on the A-clipping list. Eventually all that clipping caught up to them though. Now they just stay home clipping coupons, too exhausted to go out clipping the town anymore.
Nail clippers Puns
41. Don’t let your nail clippers drink too much or they’ll end up with clippervision.
42. I told my nail clippers to stop gossiping but they kept right on clipping.
43. My nail clippers were caught climbing over the garden fence. The neighbor said they were clipper snipping.
44. Nail clippers would make excellent critics. They have very cutting opinions.
45. My nail clippers seem clippish, I think they need their edges smoothed.
46. I brought my nail clippers on a hot air balloon ride. They said it was a clipping adventure.
47. Don’t try to trick nail clippers, they can cut through any fib.
48. Nail clippers stayed up too late binge watching shows. Now they’re clip lagged.
49. My nail clippers told me a clipping secret, but don’t worry, my lips are zipped!
50. Nail clippers make great editors, they know how to trim the clip.
Nail clippers One Liners
51. Don’t let nail clippers drink and drive, they’ll end up with a D-clipping.
52. Nail clippers must love the winter, it’s their clipping season.
53. My nail clippers tried a vegan diet but couldn’t quit clipping gelatin.
54. Got my nail clippers a mug that says Clippity Clip Clip.
55. Nail clippers should work airport security, no one’s clippers are getting past them.
56. My nail clippers are semi-retired, they only do part-time clipping now.
57. Don’t fall asleep next to nail clippers, you’ll wake up with clipped hair.
58. Nail clippers stay sharp by doing crossclip training.
59. Got my picture clipped out of the yearbook thanks to my silly nail clippers!
60. Nail clippers make great barbers, no one gets a sharper cut.
Best nail clippers Jokes
61. I was nervous about getting my nails clipped for the first time so I brought my teddy bear for moral support. But the nail clippers ended up using his stuffing to wipe up all the clippings when they were done! Now he’s just an empty old bear. Guess I learned my lesson—never bring a stuffed animal to a nail clipping appointment.
62. My nail clippers were always bragging about winning all these clipping competitions, so I finally looked up the events. Turns out they were national champions in extreeme iron clipping, fire clipping, blindfolded clipping, you name it! I had no idea recreational clipping was such a big deal. Leave it to my high-strung nail clippers to find the most intense clipping sports out there!
63. I caught my nail clippers sneaking vegetables from the fridge late at night. Turns out they had started stress clipping and were going through some emotional turmoil. We had a good talk and I told them there were healthier ways to deal with feelings than midnight vegetable clipping. So we agreed they’d stop the secretive late night clipping but in return I would give them a dedicated clipping box for when they felt the urge. Since then our relationship has been much more open and honest.
64. My nail clippers wanted to enter the lucrative world of professional clipping, so they bought a custom monogrammed clipping cape and rented out a swanky clipping suite at the Ritz. After posting flyers advertising luxury clipping services, their first clients showed up—but it was a disaster! The clippers clipped too short, left jagged edges, and made clients bleed. Turns out clipping your own nails for fun and clipping strangers’ nails for money are two very different skills!
65. I brought my nail clippers to show-and-tell in first grade. I thought I would impress everyone with how cleanly they could clip a piece of paper. But when it was my turn, Danny S. said “My clippers are WAY better than yours!” Before I could stop him he grabbed them and clipped off a chunk of Jenny’s braid! She started crying and I got in huge trouble. That was the last time I let a classmate use my nail clippers unsupervised.
66. My nail clippers were always very cultured and concerned with proper manners. They would reprimand me if I ever clipped my nails at the dinner table, saying it was terribly uncouth. But then I caught them clipping their nails at a fine restaurant! When I pointed out their hypocrisy, they just sniffed and said “There’s no need to make a scene, darling.” I guess etiquette is only for us common folk, not fancy nail clippers!
67. When I was a kid my favorite game was “barbershop” with my nail clippers. I’d pretend to run a old-timey clipping parlor, carefully snipping my dolls’ synthetic hair into trendy new styles. My sister always wanted an exotic purple mohawk, so I’d clip her My Little Pony’s hair into a bristly mane. The dolls didn’t seem to mind their makeovers, but mom sure minded the mess once she saw all the strands of rainbow hair clipped everywhere!
68. My nail clippers were always coming up with crazy money-making schemes to get rich quick. Their latest plot was to buy up all the hedge clippers in town and corner the landscaping market. But hedge clippers flat out refused to join their clipping monopoly. Turns out nail clippers aren’t the only ones who know how to nip problems in the bud!