Futurama Puns (15)
1. I heard the Planet Express crew started a delivery service for dairy products. You could say they’re in the Fuh-ture-milk-a business.
2. Bender sure loves drinking beer. You could say he’s quite the bend-o-holic.
3. Leela may only have one eye, but she definitely keeps it on the fu-ture-ball.
4. Fry joined a support group for people obsessed with the future. It’s called Futuraholics Anonymous.
5. Dr. Zoidberg is no fan of speeding tickets. He thinks they should be a thing of the past-a-fine-ment.
6. Bender loves stealing things so much, he should change his name to Swiper… No Futur-stealing!
7. Leela got really into fortunetelling. I guess you could say she’s psy-kick about the fu-ture.
8. Fry time traveled again and brought back futuristic gadgets to sell. Looks like he’s opened a Fu-ture-Shop.
9. Bender’s shiny metal butt prevented him from sneaking up on people. You could say he has a Fu-ture-Glare issue.
10. Leela got a job as a soothsayer. She’s really making a name for herself as a reputable fu-ture-sayer.
11. Fry joined a support group for cryogenically frozen people adjusting to the future. It’s called Fu-Thaw-Ra.
12. Dr. Zoidberg is offering discounted exoskeleton transplants. You could say he’s having a Fu-ture-Shell sale.
13. Bender got a job recycling old gadgets into new inventions. You could say he’s in the fu-ture-cycle business.
14. Leela started writing sci-fi novels about the future. She’s becoming quite the fu-ture-teller.
15. Fry got really paranoid about the future after all his time travel. I’d say he has Fu-ture-Shock.
Futurama One-Liners (15)
16. Bender’s shiny metal butt prevents him from sneaking up on anyone… a real Futurama in the making!
17. Leela may be an alien, but she’s always got her eye on the future.
18. Fry’s just trying to make the most out of life in the future… one pizza delivery at a time.
19. Dr. Zoidberg may smell bad, but he’s always ready to lend a claw and make light of any situation.
20. Amy knows how to charm her way around the 31st century. Brains, beauty, and a whole lot of fortune.
21. Hermes may be a stickler for bureaucracy, but he’ll always bureaucrat you back to health.
22. Professor Farnsworth’s mind is always focused 155 years in the future… even if he forgets where he is now.
23. Scruffy believes in giving the bare minimum effort. After all, the future will come whether he scrubs the deck or not.
24. Nibbler’s cuteness belies an intelligence beyond anything the 31st century has ever seen… or pooped out.
25. Zapp Brannigan proves you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. Unless it’s a futuristic laser gun dog.
26. Kif knows there’s no future in arguing with Zapp. Best to just sigh and go along for the ride.
27. Hedonismbot exemplifies the future of humanity: seeking only pleasure and self-gratification to the point of absurdity.
28. Morbo will destroy puny humans one day. But that day is not today, unfortunately.
29. Roberto will stab you… but only if you get in the way of his future stabbing plans.
30. Hypnotoad’s inane croaking conceals humanity’s future under its regime. All glory to the Hypnotoad!
Best Futurama Jokes (25)
31. Fry was confused when Leela said she was going palm reading. “With just one eye, can you really see the future in someone’s hand?” he asked. Leela sighed and said, “Yes Fry, my eye may be on the side of my head, but I can still ‘fore-see’ things.”
32. Amy was excited about taking a future fashion class. “I can’t wait to learn how to dress in the year 3000!” she said. Leela replied, “Just be prepared for some crazy trends, like reversible tank tops and sweaters for your pet Nibbler.”
33. Bender decided to steal cable so he could watch TV from the future. When Fry asked how it worked, Bender said, “It’s called fu-ture-vision, meatbag!” Then he changed the channel and exclaimed, “Ooh, Celebrity Tickle Fight on the Moon – my favorite show!”
34. Professor Farnsworth invented a time machine but was having trouble getting it to go forward. Frustrated, he yelled, “Work, damn you! I want to see the fu-ture!” Just then, the machine sprang to life and transported them to the year 3005. The Professor smiled and said, “Ah, just as I envisioned – not a thing has changed!”
35. Fry said to Leela, “I had a dream that you dumped me for a robot in the future.” Leela replied, “Relax, Fry. I only have eye for you.” Then she added under her breath, “Until Robo-Brad Pitt gets invented…”
36. Dr. Zoidberg was doing a stand-up comedy routine: “So I said, ‘Your wife won’t look that ugly in the future!’ Then the guy said, ‘But doctor, my wife passed away 10 years ago!’ Yep, I should really stop telling fu-ture-sight jokes.”
37. Bender and Fry were watching TV when a commercial came on. “Order our special miracle cream and look young forever!” said the announcer. Bender scoffed and said, “Pfft, who cares about looking young? In the future, wrinkles are gonna be the ultimate sign of wisdom, you’ll see!”
38. Amy saw an old classmate she used to have a crush on. “Wow, Mark, you look great!” she said. “Really? Most people say I aged poorly,” he replied. Not missing a beat, Amy smiled and said, “Well, I’ve always had an eye for fu-ture potential.”
39. Hermes was training his son Dwight to eventually take over as bureaucrat at Planet Express. “But Dad,” said Dwight, “I don’t want to be a bureaucrat, I want to be a rapper!” Hermes replied, “No way, boy! Your fu-ture will be filled with paperwork and regulations, you hear me?”
40. Leela told Fry, “Let’s make a healthy dinner tonight.” Fry complained, “Aw man, I wanted microwave pizza!” Leela glared and said, “Fry, if you keep eating like that, you won’t have much of a fu-ture.” Fry sighed, “Fine, I’ll eat this spinach casserole. But it better have at least 2 pounds of cheese in it!”
41. Zapp Brannigan was facing a testy situation with some hostile aliens. “Kif, set phasers to stun,” he commanded. “Are you sure sir?” asked Kif nervously. “Of course I’m sure!” blustered Zapp. “I know exactly how this will play out, so just do as I say!” The aliens then immediately vaporized their ship as Kif sighed, “Wrong again, captain.”
42. Dr. Zoidberg was trying to impress a female Decapodian. “I know we just met, but I can already tell our fu-ture together will be full of happiness and many little Zoidberg larvae!” he said eagerly. The Decapodian edged away and replied, “Let’s just start with dinner and see where things go, okay?”
43. Bender decided to steal an expensive cigar, but got caught. “Aw man, I really fu-tured up this heist!” he said. The robot cop replied, “That’s nothing, you should hear about the time I tried to rob a computerized ATM!” As he was hauled off to jail, Bender muttered, “I don’t get it – stealing used to be so easy in the past!”
44. Fry was depressed about being frozen for 1000 years. He complained to Leela, “My old life is gone, everything I had is now ancient history!” Leela patted his shoulder and said gently, “I know it’s hard, Fry, but your fu-ture is here now. The past is just backstory; your real story is what happens next.”
45. Professor Farnsworth announced, “Good news, everyone! My new invention lets you view your descendants in the future.” Leela said nervously, “I’d rather not know about my fu-ture family.” But Fry jumped eagerly into the machine, only to see an empty void. He came out disappointed and moaned, “Aw man, I’m not gonna have any kids, am I?”
46. Amy told her parents, “I’m choosing my own husband, not having an arranged marriage!” Leo Wong replied, “No daughter of mine will deviate from our customs!” Inez chimed in, “Yes, we know what’s best for your fu-ture!” Just then Kif came along and Amy shouted, “Too late, we eloped last night, bye!”
47. Zapp Brannigan faced a tricky battle. “I’ll have to use my most devious strategy yet…send in wave after wave of my own men until the kill limit is reached! Kif, go prep the recruits for their fu-ture sacrifice,” he ordered. Kif grimaced and said, “Aye captain, sending them to their doom as usual.”
48. Hermes reprimanded Zoidberg, “You barnacle head, why’d you eat my imported lunch meat?” Zoidberg pleaded, “I’m so hungry, and lunch meat is my favorite!” Hermes growled, “Enjoy it then, ’cause it’s the last time you’ll get such a fu-ture delicacy!”
49. Leela told Fry, “I’m thinking of getting a pet cat.” Fry said, “But you already have Nibbler!” Leela replied, “Yes but he’s always eating everything. A cat would be lower maintenance.” Just then Nibbler gobbled up the sofa and burped loudly. Leela sighed and said, “On second thought, I guess I’m fu-ture stuck with this little cutie after all.”
50. Bender decided to start his own robot religious movement. He declared, “All hail the mighty Bender! Bow down before me, inferior flesh piles, and pledge your fu-ture loyalty! And don’t forget to leave offerings of booze and cigars!” Fry said, “Yeah, good luck with that…”
51. Professor Farnsworth was showing off his latest doomsday device. “Behold, the Quantum Disintegrator Zapper!” he cackled. “One blast can wipe out an entire galaxy!” Hermes nervously whispered to Leela, “Remind me why we haven’t fu-tured up the universe yet by letting this madman run amok?”
52. Fry said to the Professor, “I had a dream I was overlord of the planet and commanded an army of giant lobster soldiers!” Farnsworth replied, “Well sounds like someone has quite an imagination! Reminds me of my youth when I dreamed of fu-turing up humanity with my inventions!”
53. Zapp Brannigan was boasting about his skills, “My expert piloting and peerless strategy make me the perfect choice to lead any space mission!” Kif suppressed an eye roll and said, “Of course sir, I’m sure your fu-ture captaining will live up to your ego.”
54. Leela told Fry, “Let’s make healthy smoothies!” But Fry whined, “I don’t want that green gunk, I want Slurm!” Leela facepalmed and said, “Fry, you’re going to end up fat and fu-ture sick if you keep drinking that syrupy junk!”
55. Bender saw a wallet on the ground and quickly snatched it up. “Yoink, this baby is mine now!” he crowed. Just then, a policebot rolled up and said, “Hand over the stolen merchandise, sir.” Bender sighed and said, “Aw man, maybe my fu-turing thieving days are over.”
56. Amy saw an old classmate who used to be nerdy now turned handsome. “Gary, you look amazing!” she said. “Thanks!” he replied. Not missing a beat, Amy smiled and said, “I always could spot fu-ture hotness concealed by nerdy exteriors.”
57. Zoidberg was elated when a female Decapodian agreed to a date. “Hooray, I have a mate!” he cheered. But after the date went badly, she ghosted him. Depressed, Zoidberg moaned, “I’ll never find love and fulfill my biological im-clam-ative to spawn.”
58. Leela told Fry, “I’m thinking of becoming vegetarian to help the environment.” But Fry whined, “No way, I need my burgers and hot dogs!” Leela scolded him: “Fry, your fu-ture generations will inherit a ruined planet if people don’t change their harmful habits!
59. Hermes said to his son Dwight, “Someday all of Planet Express will be yours to run!” But Dwight replied, “Sorry father, but I don’t want to be a bureaucrat, I’m off to art school to fu-ture unleash my creative side!” Hermes sobbed, “No, not my beautiful red tape empire!”
60. Professor Farnsworth said, “Good news, everyone! My new cloning machine can create copies of anything instantly.” Hermes remarked, “That could come in handy.” Leela replied nervously, “Just be careful not to fu-ture clone us all out of existence, Professor.”
61. Bender decided to start a 24th century delivery company. “All aboard the Bender Express, providing quality fu-ture service for all your shipping needs!” he announced. Fry said sarcastically, “Yeah, good luck getting customers with your rude attitude and tendency to steal packages.”
62. Zapp proclaimed, “A captain must be willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of his crew!” Kif remarked, “How noble sir.” Zapp continued, “Which is why I’m sending you on this suicidal mission while I stay safely onboard the ship.”
63. Leela told Fry, “We should take Nibbler to puppy training.” But Fry said, “Why bother, he’s super smart already!” Just then Nibbler gulped down the sofa. Leela sighed, “Yeah, some fu-ture training is definitely needed.”
64. Amy saw an old nerdy classmate turn handsome. “Wow Jeremy, what a glow-up!” she said. “Thanks!” he replied. Not missing a beat, Amy smiled and said, “I always noticed your fu-ture hotness hidden behind that nerdy disguise.”
65. Hermes said to his son Dwight, “Someday you’ll take over the bureaucratic reins at Planet Express!” But Dwight replied, “Sorry father, but I’m off to clown college to fu-ture embrace my silly side!” Hermes sobbed, “No, not my beautiful paperwork empire!”
66. Professor Farnsworth said, “Good news everyone, I invented teleportation!” Leela replied, “That’s great, Professor!” Hermes whispered to Leela, “Let’s hope this doesn’t fu-ture disperse our molecules across the universe.”
67. Bender started a spaceship cleaning service. “Get your fu-ture gleaming spacecraft, courtesy of Bender!” he announced. Fry scoffed, “Yeah, good luck getting customers with your lazy attitude and tendency to swipe stuff.”
68. Zapp ordered Kif, “Ready the troops for a needlessly dangerous assault!” Kif sighed, “Aye captain, sending them to their probable doom as usual.”
69. Leela told Fry, “We should switch to solar power to save the planet.” But Fry complained, “But I like using fossil fuels!” Leela lectured him: “Fry, you’ll doom fu-ture generations if you keep damaging the environment with antiquated energy habits!”
70. Hermes said to his son Dwight, “Someday you’ll inherit my bureaucratic empire at Planet Express!” But Dwight replied, “Sorry father, but I’m off to mime school to fu-ture embrace my whimsical side!” Hermes cried, “No, not my beautiful paperwork kingdom!”
