Brunette Puns
1. Why did the brunette tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? She didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills!
2. Why can’t brunettes dial 911? Because they can’t find the eleven!
3. What do you call a brunette with a brain? A golden retriever!
4. Why did the brunette stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said “concentrate” on it.
5. Why did the brunette put lipstick on her forehead? Because she wanted to make up her mind.
6. Why do brunettes have bruised belly buttons? Because blonde boyfriends are so dumb!
7. Why did the brunette climb up to the roof of the bar? She heard the drinks were on the house.
8. Why did the brunette snort nutmeg? She wanted to get high on spice.
9. What do you call a brunette with two brain cells? Pregnant.
10. Why can’t brunettes be pharmacists? They can’t get the bottle into the typewriter.
Brunette One-Liners
11. I’m not saying brunettes are dumb, but it takes them two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
12. Brunettes are so dumb, they think Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.
13. Brunettes are so dumb, they sold their air conditioner because the directions said “cool only.”
14. Brunettes are so dumb, they climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.
15. Brunettes are so dumb, I told one to meet me at the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.
16. Brunettes are so dumb, they got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W’s.
17. Brunettes are so dumb, they bought a solar-powered flashlight.
18. Brunettes are so dumb, they tripped over a cordless phone.
19. Brunettes are so dumb, they took a ruler to bed to see how long they slept.
20. Brunettes are so dumb, they asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
Best Brunette Jokes
21. A brunette walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell anything called bottom deodorant, and never have.
Unfazed, the brunette assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. “I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any such product here.”
“But I always get it here,” says the brunette.
“Do you have the container it comes in?” asks the pharmacist.
“Yes!” says the brunette, “I will go and get it.” She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist, who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed brunette snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container: “To apply, push up bottom.”
22. A brunette goes to the doctor’s office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
“Impossible,” says the doctor. “Show me.”
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a brunette are you?”
She says, “No, I’m actually a blonde.”
“I thought so,” the doctor says. “Your finger is broken.”
23. A brunette was driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer said, “There is a car driving the wrong way on the freeway.”
The brunette said, “One car?! There are hundreds of them!”
24. A police officer sees a brunette searching for something around a street light. He asks, “Did you lose something down there?”
She replies, “I lost my keys.”
After looking a few minutes longer, he asks, “Are you sure you lost them here?”
“No I lost them in my apartment, but the light is better here.”
25. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The blonde keeps finding $20 bills on the path, one after another, 10 so far.
The brunette asks, “How on earth do you keep finding all that money?”
The blonde replies, “I keep finding money because I’m always looking down, but you’re never going to find any because you keep looking up.”
“But I’m looking up because I’ve already found $200!” says the brunette.
26. Did you hear about the brunette who froze to death at a drive-in movie? She went to see Closed for the Season.
27. Why did the brunette tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills.
28. Why did the brunette snort Nutrasweet? She thought it was diet coke.
29. Why did the brunette stare at the carton of orange juice? It said “concentrate.”
30. Why can’t brunettes make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
Brunette Puns
31. Why did the brunette put lipstick on her forehead? She was trying to makeup her mind.
32. How do you plant dope? Bury a brunette.
33. Why do brunettes hate mornings? They always wake up crack of stupid.
34. What do you call a basement full of brunettes? A whine cellar.
35. Why do brunettes wear big hoop earrings? They have to have some place to rest their ankles.
36. Why do brunettes wear underwear with yellow stains in the front and brown stains in the back? Cause they don’t know which way they’re coming and which way they’re going.
37. Why does a brunette close her eyes to make chocolate chip cookies? So she can’t read the directions.
38. Why did the brunette scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
39. Why did the brunette try and steal a police car? She saw “911” and thought it was a Porsche.
40. How does a brunette know the weather is cold? She has to quit painting her nails because the polish is too thick.
Brunette One-Liners
41. Brunettes are so dumb that under “Education” on their job application, they put “Hooked on Phonics.”
42. Brunettes are so dumb that they went to a movie theater, saw a sign that said “under 17 not admitted,” so she went home and got 16 of her friends.
43. Brunettes are so dumb that when they learned that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, they moved.
44. Brunettes are so dumb that when their dad said it was time to pull the plug, they went and yanked the cord out of the wall.
45. Brunettes are so dumb that if you give them a penny for their thoughts, you get change back.
46. Brunettes are so dumb that they climbed over a glass wall to see what was behind it.
47. Brunettes are so dumb that under “Skills” on their résumé they put “Telepathic ability.”
48. Brunettes are so dumb that it takes them 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes.
49. Brunettes are so dumb that they got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
50. Brunettes are so dumb that they bought a solar-powered flashlight.
Best Brunette Jokes
51. A brunette is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks “Where did you get that?”
The pig says, “I won her in a raffle!”
52. A brunette was driving down a country road when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a corn field. The brunette pulled over and yelled, “It’s blondes like you that give us all a bad name! If I could swim I’d come out there and kick your butt!”
53. A brunette was sitting on a plane next to a blonde. The brunette was reading a magazine article about animal intelligence. She folded the page she was reading, looked over at the blonde, pointed to her forehead, and said “I just learned that the chimpanzee is the most intelligent animal on the planet—with the smallest brain. Amazing, don’t you think?”
The blonde nodded and said “Yeah, I’ve heard brunettes are pretty smart too.”
54. A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde got sentenced to execution by firing squad. The brunette was first, and as the squad raised their rifles she yelled “Tornado!” The firing squad panicked and looked around and the brunette escaped. The redhead was second and saw what the brunette did. As the squad raised their rifles she yelled “Earthquake!” and again the firing squad panicked and the redhead escaped too. The blonde was last and as the squad raised their rifles she also yelled “Fire!”
55. A brunette walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special—$99!” She goes inside and asks the agent, “I’d like to go on a cruise. I see you have a special for $99.”
“Yes, but that’s per person if you go with fifteen friends,” the agent replies. So the brunette calls fifteen friends and they all book a cruise for $99 each.
A month later, the brunette goes back to the travel agency. “I also need flights for sixteen people to Europe.”
The agent asks, “Sixteen? How many went on the cruise?”
The brunette replies, “Oh, all sixteen of us!”
56. A brunette was having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She had lost thousands of dollars and was down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaimed, “What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?”
A man next to her said, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”
He walked away. Moments later, his attention was grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushed back to the table and pushed his way through the crowd. The brunette was lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.
The man asked, “What happened? Is she all right?”
The operator replied, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29. When 36 came up, she just fainted!”
57. A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The blonde said, “I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.”
The brunette nodded and said, “Yeah, mechanics can be shady sometimes.”
58. A brunette walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan.
So the brunette hands over the keys to a new Mercedes parked on the street in front of the bank. She says, “There is my car, just bought it, purchased in full so you know I’m good for it.”
Everything checks out and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Mercedes into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there for safe keeping.
Two weeks later, the brunette returns, repays the $5,000 plus interest, and the loan officer says they are very happy to have had her business, and that it was a pleasure.
The brunette asks, “Where’s my car?”
The loan officer looks at her a bit confused and says, “We don’t have cars in a bank, just money.”
59. A blonde and a brunette are playing blackjack at a casino. They both keep tying each other and doubling down, buying chips, etc. This goes on for a while until both are out of money.
The brunette then takes out a card and slides it across the table. “What’s this?” asks the dealer. “That’s my Macy’s card,” replies the brunette. “Why the hell did you give me this?” asks the blonde.
The brunette replies, “Well, in case you want to go to the mall later, you can use it to get 10% off.”
60. A brunette needed to get her hair highlighted, so she went to a salon and sat down in the hairdresser’s chair. “What kind of highlights do you want?” asked the stylist.
“I want them to be very obvious,” said the brunette.
“Okay, you asked for obvious highlights,” said the stylist. He proceeded to color her hair bright green and purple.
When he was finished, the brunette looked in the mirror and screamed, “Oh my god! I look like a parrot!”
“Yes you do,” said the stylist. “Come again and bring a cracker next time.”
Brunette One-Liners
61. Brunettes are so dumb they think Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonald’s.
62. Brunettes are so dumb they called the police to report a stolen couch because the TV Guide wasn’t delivered.
63. Brunettes are so dumb they think Meow Mix is a CD for cats.
64. Brunettes are so dumb they asked their drug dealer for something stronger, so he sold them a bicycle.
65. Brunettes are so dumb they went to a furniture store to look for a Barcalounger.
