Adoption Puns
1. I heard about a family who adopted 25 kids. They have a lot of new editions!
2. My friend just adopted a puppy. I told him “Congrats on the adop-tion!”
3. I was thinking of adopting a kitten but realized I’m not ready for that big of a commit-meow-nt.
4. When my sister told me she was adopting a child I said, “Oh boy, I can’t wait to be an adop-uncle!”
5. Did you hear about the celebrities who adopted their 17th child? Looks like they have a full adop-shun!
6. I told my parents I want to adopt a sloth. They said to slow down and think about whether I’m ready for that responsi-sloth-ity.
7. Why don’t ophans like baseball? They don’t know where home is.
8. What do you call an orphan taking a selfie? An adop-tee!
9. My friend adopted a dog from China. Now he’s going by the name Wok the dog.
10. I was thinking of adopting a retired police dog, but realized I’m not ready for that level of commit-paw-ment.
Adoption One-Liners
11. I never knew my real ladder.
12. My parents wanted a tax deduction, not a child.
13. Do you have a picture of me when I was younger?
14. I may be adopted but you’re the accident.
15. I’m not adopted, my parents are just fake.
16. I was raised by wolves…literally!
17. Who needs real parents when you have Wikipedia?
18. I need therapy, not adopted parents.
19. Turns out I’m the favorite child after all!
20. Being adopted prepared me for rejection.
Best Adoption Jokes
21. A family was preparing to adopt a baby boy. The social worker was coming over to check that everything was ready for the new arrival. The only thing left was choosing a name. “Let’s name him Jack!” said the dad. “That’s too common,” said the mom. “How about James?” The dad shook his head, “Nah, too boring.” They went back and forth, unable to agree on a name. Finally, the social worker knocked on the door and they had to let her in. Desperate, they grabbed the family cat, showed it to the social worker and said “We’ve decided to name him Bob!” Surprised, she said “That’s an unusual name for a child.” The dad winked and whispered “Yeah, but we call the cat Bob.”
22. A family was adopting a baby girl and brainstorming names at dinner. “How about Lily?” said the mom. “Too basic,” complained the dad. This went on for a while, with the parents rejecting every suggested name. Getting frustrated, the mom grabbed the family dog and said “We’ll just call her Fido and be done with it!” The dad whispered to the confused adoption agent “Don’t worry, we call the dog Fido.”
23. How does a new parent and an adoptive parent react differently when the baby cries at night? The new parent thinks “I’ll let her cry for 5 minutes before going in.” The adoptive parent thinks “I’ll give her 5 minutes of crying before I trade her in for a quieter baby.”
24. An orphan boy really wanted a family so he wrote to Santa asking if he could help find him parents. Santa wrote back saying he needed the boy’s parents full names. The boy thought for a moment then wrote back “How should I know, that’s your job!”
25. What’s the best thing about being adopted? You can send your parents back. What’s the worst thing about being adopted? They might actually take you back.
26. Why was the adopted octopus sad? Because he never knew his real mother!
27. How do orphans eat their ice cream?Without a Dad cone
28. My friend just told me she’s adopting a puppy. I said, “That dog is gonna have the best fur-ever home!”
29. What did the mama cow say to the calf that was given up for adoption? “Bye son!”
30. Why don’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
31. What’s the hardest part about being an orphan? Not knowing your name.
32. What’s the best thing about being adopted? You get to choose your own parents!
33. Why did the couple decide to adopt a puppy? They wanted a sub-woofer.
34. I asked my parents if I was adopted. They said, “No, you were on sale.”
35. What did one orphan say to the other? “Get in, son. I’m going to find you a new home.”
36. Why did the octopus want to get adopted? He was tired of living in de-tanks.
37. What do you get when you cross an elephant with an orphaned calf? An ele-phino.
38. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him when you adopted him.
39. What’s the hardest part about adopting a puppy? Having to keep your “Cat Wanted” ad up for so long.
40. Why did the couple give their adopted dog back? He kept asking who’s a good boy.
41. What do you get if you cross a parrot with an orphaned baby chick? A bird that keeps squawking, “Are you my mother?”
42. Why are orphans so competitive? They never had any siblings to play with.
43. How did the orphan win the spelling bee? She knew how to spell “mom” and “dad” but had never used those words before.
44. My parents adopted me as an April Fools joke. Well, jokes on them because they’re stuck with me now!
45. What’s the motto for the orphanage baseball team? “We don’t know who our real parents are but we’ll bat for you!”
46. Why don’t moms like their kids playing with orphans? They’re afraid they’ll catch sadness.
47. How can you tell someone is an orphan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you over and over.
48. My sister adopted a rescue dog. His name? Bark Vader.
49. What did the Dalmatian say after being adopted? “I got a new spot!”
50. Why did the adopted duck keep running away? He was trying to find his roots.
51. What do you call a nosy pepper that gets adopted? Jalapeño business!
52. I told my friend I volunteer at an orphanage. He said, “That’s so sweet!” I said, “Yeah, I love dinner time there.”
53. What do you call an adoptive mother who loves to clean? A vacuum mom.
54. Why was the orphan’s baseball team so bad? They had no idea where home was.
55. An orphan, a foster kid, and an adoptee walk into a bar. He orders a drink.
56. What’s the hardest part about adopting a child? Having to give back your dog to make room.
57. Why did the orphan cross the road? To find his biological chicken parents.
58. What do you call orphans playing basketball? A three-point foster home.
59. What do you get when you cross a phone and an orphan? A tele-kid with no parents.
60. Why do orphans make bad lawyers? They’re not used to parents super-vision.
61. Which historical figure do adopted kids admire most? Son Tzu.
62. My friend adopted a street puppy today. That pooch hit the woof lottery!
63. What did the mama cow say to her son who was given up for adoption? “Bye son!”
64. I wanted to adopt a retired police dog but my wife said no. Apparently I’m not ready for that level of commit-paw-ment.
65. What do you call a wandering orphan? A strole.
66. My grandma used to say, “Adopted one day, family forever.” Of course, she said it to our adopted cat.
67. What do you call an adopted puppy? A four-legged forever friend!
68. Why don’t eggs get adopted? They end up getting scrambled.
69. What’s it called when you adopt a child AND a puppy? Two birds, one stone!
70. Why do parentless pigs make great adopted pets? Because they’re ready-made hams!
71. Which fish makes the best adoptee? An orph-an-a!
72. What did the mama pig say to her piglets when the farmer took them to be adopted? “You’re all going to new homes!”
73. Why don’t eggs get adopted? They always end up getting scrambled.
74. What do you call two spiders who just got adopted? New bros!
75. Why did the ants want to adopt a flea? They wanted to add another critter to the colony!
