Summer Puns
1. I wanted to catch some rays at the beach, but all I caught was a cold. I guess I’m just not cut out for the pun life.
2. My friend got badly sunburned on vacation. I told him he looked a little crisp around the edges. He didn’t find it very punny.
3. I heard two pieces of ice got married over the summer. The wedding was nice, but the reception was a little frosty.
4. I entered a watermelon eating contest last week. It was seeded really high.
5. I tried to sell snow cones on the beach last summer. Business was slush.
6. The beach was so crowded yesterday that people were sand-wiching together on their towels.
7. My friend got stung by a jellyfish at the beach. I told him beauty is pain and he needs to look on the bright stung.
8. I wanted to go to the pool today but all the chairs were taken. I guess that’s just how the deck chairs out sometimes.
9. I bought a new pair of flip flops but they broke after only a week. Worst case of sole separation I’ve ever seen.
10. My neighbor asked me to water her plants while she’s on vacation. I hope I can handle the Thyme responsibly.
Summer One-Liners
11. I’m sweating more than a snowman in July!
12. It’s so hot, I saw a squirrel putting on sunblock.
13. It’s so humid, I just took a shower and didn’t even get wet.
14. It’s hotter than a fox in a forest fire!
15. It’s so hot I just saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog trying to get a drink!
16. It’s hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk.
17. I’m as restless as a worm in hot ashes.
18. It’s hotter than Hades out here!
19. I’m sweating like a sinner in church.
20. It’s hotter than two rats fighting in a wool sock.
Best Summer Jokes
21. Two tomatoes were walking down the street. One tomato said to the other “It’s really hot out today”. The other tomato said “AHH! A talking tomato!”.
22. What do you call a snowman in July? A puddle.
23. Why are gulls named seagulls? Because if they were named baygulls there would be bagels.
24. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
25. A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
26. A family of tomatoes were walking down the street. The baby tomato starts lagging behind. The father tomato goes back to squish him and says “Ketchup!”.
27. What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool? Show me your mussels!
28. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
29. How do bees get to school? They take the school buzz.
30. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
31. Why did the shark cross the beach? To get to the other tide!
32. What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool? Show me your mussels!
33. I went to the beach and tried to catch some fog. I mist.
34. What do you call a talking frog? A Hoparazzi.
35. Which letter is the coolest? Iced t!
36. What’s the best day to go to the beach? SUNday!
37. I wanted to learn how to do cartwheels this summer but I kept falling on my face. I’m not very good at turning over a new leaf.
38. A man went to visit a psychic during a heatwave. It was a medium summer’s day.
39. What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
40. Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.
41. What do you call a bee that’s having a bad hair day? A frisbee.
42. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
43. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash? He’s all right now.
44. What happened when the sharks raced across the beach? They tide!
45. How do you communicate with a fish? Drop it a line!
46. My friend got badly sunburned on vacation. I told him he looked a little crisp around the edges. He didn’t find it very punny.
47. Why are tennis players never happy? Because love means nothing to them.
48. What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.
49. I entered my pet duck in a race last week. I’m happy to say he made it to the finals.
50. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby? She was a little horse!
51. What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line!
52. I wanted to get a tan this summer but I kept burning. I guess I’m not very good at going with the flow and rolling with the punches.
53. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.
54. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer today. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day.
55. Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a whale of a time!
56. What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool? Show me your mussels!
57. What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved.
58. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
59. Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
60. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb!
61. Why was six scared of seven? Because seven ate nine!
62. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
63. Why can’t a bike stand up on its own? It’s two tired!
64. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t look! I’m about to change.
65. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own? Because it was two tired.