Square Dancing Puns (20)
1. I tried to cut corners while square dancing but ended up in a square knot!
2. The square dancers were ready to promenade left when the caller shouted “Reverse!” and they all went right.
3. My square dance partner stepped on my toe and I told her “Don’t be a square, honey!”
4. I was so hungry after square dancing that I ordered four square meals to go.
5. Did you hear about the new smartphone app for square dancers? It’s called the Do-Si-Do App!
6. I got bored dancing the same old squares so I decided to spice it up with some salsa moves. My square dance caller was not amused.
7. We were sqare dancing to a lively fiddle tune when suddenly the music stopped. Talk about being caught out in the middle of nowhere!
8. The square dance club put sticky notes on the floor to help us find our places. It was a great way to get squared away.
9. I was feeling under the weather so I drank some Theraflu and did some square dancing to sweat it out. You could say I was trying to square myself.
10. Why was the square dancer fired from his job? He kept cutting corners!
11. Did you hear about the new cryptocurrency for square dancers? It’s called Swingcoin!
12. My friend got into square dancing because she thought it would be hip. Let’s just say it’s squarer than she expected!
13. Why do square dancers make bad Uber drivers? They keep circling back to the same places!
14. Did you hear about the square dance marathon? It was squares for hours!
15. What do you call someone who brings a yoga mat to square dancing class? A square bear!
16. My square dancing outfit has so many ruffles, I look like a walking quilt!
17. I was feeling awkward at the square dance so I decided to break the ice with a joke. Unfornately my timing was off and nobody got it!
18. I accidentally wore mismatched socks to square dancing class. I guess I’m just an odd square!
19. Why don’t calculators make good square dance partners? Because all they do is square numbers!
20. The dancers were exhausted after the quadrille. It really squared them away!
Square Dancing One-Liners (20)
21. Square dancing is just math in motion.
22. When square dancing, remember to bow to your partner, not your app!
23. Forget about being a wallflower, be a square dancer!
24. Don’t cut it close when dancing those squares.
25. Got rhythm? Try some square dancing!
26. Looking for old-fashioned fun? Square up!
27. Get squared up and do-si-do!
28. Head, heart, hands, and health are what square dancing is all about.
29. Having two left feet? No problem for square dancing!
30. Make friends, stay sharp, and get moving with square dancing!
31. Square dancing – easier than running squares around the track!
32. Feeling square? Get out on the dance floor!
33. Join a square dance club and meet some squared away folks!
34. Square dance your way to clearer thinking and nimble toes!
35. Looking for an allemande left kind of good time?
36. Get off your apps and make new friends square dancing!
37. Promenade on down to the square dancing hall!
38. Square up and swing your partner round and round!
39. Grab a pretty gal and mosey to the square dance!
40. Put down your phone, join hands and circle left!
Best Square Dancing Jokes (20)
41. My friend Joe was eager to impress his new square dancing partner, so before the dance he ate a whole platter of beans. Of course, during the first do-si-do, Joe let out the biggest fart anyone had ever heard. The music screeched to a stop, everyone was gasping, and his partner stomped away in disgust. Joe realized he had really squared things up with her.
42. Tom was out on the square dancing floor, twirling his partner around with abandon. She pleaded with him “Not so fast, not so fast!” but Tom just yelled “Allemande left!” and kept right on going. Suddenly Tom twirled her too hard and she went flying out of his arms, soaring through the open barn doors and right into the pigpen. Tom ran after her shouting “My bad, my bad, come back and promenade!” but she was too busy chasing mud-covered pigs to care. That was the last time Tom ever got that gal as his partner.
43. Martha was visiting a rural town and saw a big crowd entering the old barn on Saturday night. She asked someone what was happening and they said “Why, it’s the weekly square dance!” Feeling adventurous, Martha decided to go inside, where she was mesmerized by the lively music, spinning couples, and caller shouting directions like “Dosey doe!” and “Swing your partner!” After watching a few dances, Martha felt ready to try. She walked right onto the dance floor just as the band started up again. Immediately the caller yelled “Allemain left!” and Martha turned to the man on her left, grabbed his arm, and spun herself around and around as fast as she could. The man shouted “Stop, lady! That’s my artificial arm!” but Martha just kept whirling. By the time she let go, the man’s prosthetic arm had popped right off and the whole room was in an uproar. That night Martha learned an important lesson – don’t jump into a square dance until you know the steps!
44. Bill was eager for his first square dance, so he showed up early to get in some practice. The hall was empty except for the sound guy testing the speakers. As Bill moved around the floor practicing his footwork, the tech started playing some music. Listening to the beat, Bill began swinging and twirling an imaginary partner around the room. He was really getting into it, dancing every which way, when suddenly he collided right into a post and knocked himself out cold! When folks arrived later for the dance, they found Bill passed out on the floor. The lesson? Always square your area before dancing solo!
45. Betty was an avid square dancer, never missing a chance to allemande left and promenade around the hall. One evening during a lively hoedown, Betty’s mind wandered. She started daydreaming about the chili dog special at the diner instead of focusing on the caller’s cues. Naturally, Betty soon grew confused and ended up crashing right into the couple next to her. Squares collided and dancers tumbled to the ground. The caller yelled “Grab your partner and circle left!” but Betty just kept bumbling about. She had completely squared things up with her absent-mindedness. From then on, Betty made sure to pay attention and keep her mind in the dance!
46. Martha was attending her very first square dance, partnered up with a kindly old gentleman named Ralph. They were having a fine time dancing together, but Martha was still learning the steps. The music picked up speed, and suddenly Ralph called out “Swing me round and round now, sweetheart!” Before Martha could react, he grabbed her hands, lifted her right off the ground, and started spinning in circles as fast as he could. Round and round they twirled, Martha’s feet flying out horizontally. Ralph had some surprising strength! Finally he staggered to a stop, swayed a bit, then toppled over backwards bringing Martha down on top of him with a huge crash. Ralph groaned from the floor “Gosh darn it, I pulled a muscle!” Poor Martha didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I guess Ralph had swept her right off her feet at that first square dance!
47. My clumsy old Uncle Ned insisted on coming to square dancing with me last night. The music started and I tried to get him to sit down, but he refused. During the first allemande left, Ned stomped on my toes. On the do-si-do he crashed into three other couples. Whenever the caller said “Swing your partner” Ned would grab the nearest girl regardless of who she was dancing with. The man would get angry and they’d start hollering at each other. By the end of the night, Ned had smashed everyone’s toes, gotten slapped by two women, and started four shouting matches. Needless to say once was enough – I’m never taking Uncle Ned square dancing again! The whole experience was just too squared for comfort.
48. Billy loved feeding the horses on his uncle’s farm and decided it would be fun to bring them into the square dance too. During the next hoedown, Billy led the two horses right onto the dance floor and tried to make them prance in time to the music. At first folks thought it was amusing, until one horse accidentally kicked over a lantern, starting a small fire on the hay-covered floor! The hall erupted into chaos, people screaming and running for the exits. The horses reared up in terror, breaking the posts on the band stage. It collapsed in a crash of splintered wood, sending the musicians scurrying. Luckily no one was seriously hurt, but the dance ended rather abruptly. From then on Billy kept the horses out in the pasture where they belonged. He had learned the hard way that square dancing is not a stable activity for horses!
49. Old Jake loved his whiskey a bit too much, but that never stopped him from coming to the weekly square dances. One evening Jake got carried away and drank an entire bottle before the dance even started. When he arrived at the hall, he could barely walk straight. The music struck up and Jake tried to swing his partner around, nearly knocking her down. He slurred “Do-si-do, honey!” and stumbled into the couples on either side. Growing frustrated, the caller said “Jake, please sit this one out before you cause trouble.” But Jake insisted on dancing, bellowing “Don’t boss me, buddy!” Things went from bad to worse when Jake lost his balance and toppled over, taking a whole square formation down like dominoes. What a mess – drinks spilled, people bruised, and dresses torn. They had to stop the music and turn on the lights. Eight families grabbed their sore children and indignant spouses and marched right out the door, vowing never to return. Jake just lay there chuckling. So remember – drinking spirits and square dancing definitely don’t mix!
50. Harry was dancing with the lovely Lucy, having a fine time swinging and promenading around the hall. Feeling confident, Harry tried to make his move by whispering “How about you and me go grab a drink after this?” Lucy politely replied “No thank you, I’m married.” Harry was taken aback – how did he not notice the ring on her finger? Mortified, he dropped Lucy’s hands and shuffled away. But Harry wasn’t about to let one mistake ruin his whole evening. When the caller shouted “Allemande left!” Harry turned himself all the way around until he was facing the dancer on his right instead of left. That dancer happened to be a shapely young woman visiting from out of town. Harry flashed her a grin, grabbed her arm and smoothly guided her through the rest of the dance. The moral here? When you goof up in square dancing, just allemande right instead and get yourself a new partner!
51. Sandra was dancing with her 8-year-old grandson Timmy at the big intergenerational square dance. On the first promenade, Sandra noticed that Timmy was waving hi to his two buddies on the sidelines. “Focus on the dance, Timmy!” she gently reminded him. But a few minutes later during the do-si-do, Timmy got distracted trying to spot his school friends in the crowd. This time Sandra said more sternly “Eyes on me!” Timmy shaped up for a while but soon grew restless. On the third allemande left he broke away mid-spin and ran over to get some cookies. Sandra had to drag him back while Timmy whined “This dance is for old fogies!” She replied “Young man, get your head in the game and stop fooling around!” For the rest of the evening Sandra kept Timmy in line with the threat of no video games for a week. Let’s just say he quickly learned to appreciate the focus and discipline of square dancing!
52. Arthur was dazzled by a new gal named Amanda when she joined their square dance club. During their first spin around the floor, Arthur tried out his signature move – swinging Amanda down low for a dramatic dip. But Amanda was expecting a regular twirl instead. She slipped right out of Arthur’s sweaty hands and crashed onto the wooden floor, bonking her head loudly. Amanda sprang up shouting “You crazy fool, you dropped me!” Arthur turned red and stammered “I’m so sorry! Please give me another chance!” But Amanda just huffed off, leaving poor Arthur alone in an empty square. Arthur realized he had moved too fast and squared things up with the pretty new girl immediately. From then on he made sure to start simple and get a feel for his partner’s dance style before attempting any flashy maneuvers.
53. Jackie was pumped for her first big square dance competition. As she waited for the judge’s opening signal, Jackie got a bit over-eager. Before the music even started, she dashed out onto the floor yelling “Let’s promenade!” and spun in circles, swinging her invisible partner around. The hall filled with murmurs and chuckles as everyone realized it was a false start. Jackie turned red and froze in her tracks. The judge bellowed “Back in line, missy!” and she scurried away in embarrassment. After that rough beginning, it took Jackie a few dances to regain her confidence and fall into the rhythm. She eventually placed a respectable fifth overall. But Jackie learned an important lesson about square dancing that day – wait for the tune to start before you make your move!
54. Richard was paranoid about sweating through his fancy new shirt at the square dance, so he applied extra-strength antiperspirant before leaving home. Big mistake. Within two dances, Richard was absolutely dripping. He spun his partner and she slipped right out of his moist grip, falling onto the floor with a thud. “Ew, gross!” she shrieked, scrambling up and wiping her hands. Richard’s armpits were soaked. Beads of sweat ran down his face and into his eyes, blinding him. He stumbled clumsily through the rest of the song, constantly mopping his brow with a bandana. By the end, Richard’s shirt was thoroughly drenched and everyone gave him a wide berth. Turns out those heavy-duty antiperspirants can clog your pores and make you sweat more! From then on, Richard just wore moisture-wicking clothes and brought a spare shirt for square dancing. Stay dry, but don’t overdo it!
55. Cathy was feeling sad about being single, so she decided to go to the community square dance in hopes of meeting someone. While dancing with a friendly older gentleman, Cathy spotted a handsome young cowboy leaning against the wall. As soon as the song ended, she rushed over and asked if he’d like to dance. The cowboy tipped his hat and said politely “That’d be just fine, ma’am.” Out on the floor, Cathy was floating on air dancing with her dream guy. But soon Cathy noticed the cowboy seemed distracted, glancing frequently at the other gals twirling by. When the music stopped, he gave Cathy a quick “Thanks, that was swell!” and walked away. Deflated, Cathy realized she had ignored her actual dance partner’s feelings and gotten swept up in a fantasy. She spent the rest of the night having lovely conversations between numbers with her peers. Cathy learned not to square up on romance and to simply enjoy the dance!
56. Marco was eager for some excitement at the brand new square dancing club in town. During the first tip, Marco decided to break out some sassy moves. On the do-si-do he rolled his hips and shimmied his shoulders like a salsa dancer. His partner raised her eyebrows but went along with it. Next Marco dipped her so low that her hair brushed the floor. The crowd murmured, especially when Marco topped it off with a twirl and a little smack on his partner’s behind! The caller stopped the music and said “Keep it PG, buddy!” Marco apologized and toned it down for the rest of the dance. Once it ended, the club president took Marco aside and told him politely but firmly that this was a modest, family-friendly establishment. Marco said he understood, and was able to rein himself in and follow the vibe after that. Moral of the story – know your audience when it comes to square dance moves!
57. Sally was struggling to learn all the square dancing moves at her first lesson. The caller would say “Allemande left!” and Sally would turn right, crashing into her partner. On “Do-si-do” she’d go the wrong way and bump into other couples. During every promenade she’d space out and get left