Passport Puns
1. I wanted to travel to Italy, but I pasta-ported my trip.
2. The expiration date on my passport is just a stamp-of-disapproval.
3. My friend had to re-new his passport. I said, “Good thing you’re not a chicken, or else it would be a re-hen-ewal.”
4. I stamped my passport with an ink made of grapes. Now it’s certified for international travel!
5. Did you hear about the guy who laminated his passport? Now he’s in a sticky situation!
6. I spilled coffee on my passport this morning. Now I’m in hot water with the immigration authorities!
7. My passport is so full, immigration officials get stamped out just looking at it.
8. I wanted to add more stamps to my passport, but the immigration agent insisted I was just stamp-collecting.
9. My friend is so well-traveled, his passport could have its own passport.
10. Don’t fall asleep on your passport application photo or you’ll end up with a bored-er crossing.
11. My passport is looking pretty dog-eared from all the trips I’ve taken.
12. I laminated my passport to preserve it, but now I’m stuck in this country!
Passport One-Liners
13. My passport is full of exotic stamps, my bank account less so.
14. Forget diamonds, stamps are a passport’s best friend.
15. My passport has seen more countries than my luggage.
16. My passport has been to more countries than I can pronounce.
17. I’m more excited about new passport stamps than new relationships.
18. My passport has been around the world and back, unlike me.
19. My passport is disappointed that I never take it anywhere new or exotic.
20. I’ve started telling immigration officers to just stamp my forehead, my passport has no room!
21. My passport saw Machu Picchu before I did.
22. My passport is full but my heart still wants to wander.
Best Passport Jokes
23. I was nervous going through immigration and accidentally handed the officer a slice of pizza instead of my passport. Thankfully he just let it slide.
24. My friend got into an argument with an immigration officer who kept insisting his passport was a fake. To prove it was real, my friend ate the entire thing right in front of him. Now his travels are fully documented.
25. I forgot to bring my passport on an international trip. They almost didn’t let me back into the country until I drew a pretty accurate picture of it from memory.
26. I laminated my passport to keep it safe on all my travels. Now I’m stuck at the airport because it won’t scan properly at security.
27. I spilled coffee all over my passport this morning. At airport security, the agent said, “Sorry sir, but this passport is no longer valid.”
28. I always wear a fake mustache in my passport photo. That way no one can ever say I don’t look like my passport picture.
29. TSA stopped me because my passport photo was just a picture of my dog. Luckily they believed me when I said we were twins.
30. I accidentally packed my passport in my checked bag on a trip overseas. Thankfully my smiling passport photo convinced customs to let me back into the country.
31. I got a great deal on my passport photo. The photographer said he could just use the mug shots from my previous arrests.
32. My passport is more heavily guarded than the Crown Jewels. I keep it in a maximum security safe so I never lose it on my travels.
33. I stamped my own passport with rare country stamps so I could impress people. Immigration officials were not fooled.
34. My passport photo got rejected because the facial recognition software mistook my face for my hand.
35. I spilled a gallon of milk on my passport. Now border agents keep asking why my papers are so dairy.
36. I accidentally grabbed my dog’s passport when traveling overseas. Immigration was suspicious of his photo but eventually let us both through.
37. My passport expired while I was abroad. They almost didn’t let me back in until I proved my identity by singing the national anthem.
38. I laminated my passport for my beach vacation. Now I’m permanently barred from entering any country.
39. My passport photo was rejected because officials thought it was just a picture of pasta. In my defense, I really do look like spaghetti.
40. I tried using a slice of toast as a passport, but customs saw right through my breakfast document.
41. I got my passport photo taken at one of those carnival attractions. Now immigration officials always compliment how tiny my head looks.
42. I spilled avocado all over my passport. Now I get asked guacward questions every time I travel.
43. My passport is looking rough after years of travel. Immigration officers keep thinking it’s a fake based on how bad my photo looks now.
44. I got arrested abroad when officials didn’t believe my passport was real. Turns out it was just a very convincing cake.
45. I always wear my passport photo as a mask when going through customs. So far no one has noticed that it’s not my real face.
46. I tried making my own passport out of construction paper and glue. Immigration officials were not fooled.
47. My passport expired while traveling overseas. They let me back in when I proved my citizenship by singing the national anthem perfectly.
48. I laminated my passport as a precaution before my big trip. Now I’m stuck at the airport because it won’t scan properly.
49. I got banned from Thailand when border agents saw I had doodled a mustache on the king in my passport.
50. I spilled nacho cheese all over my passport. Now airport security keeps asking about my “cheesy papers.”
51. My passport photo was rejected for having too much glare on my teeth. Maybe smiling was a mistake.
52. I drew a silly face on my passport photo. Immigration did not find it as amusing as I did.
53. My passport expired right as I landed for an international trip. They let me in when I recreated my passport photo perfectly from memory.
54. I laminated my passport to protect it from water damage on my cruise. Now I’m barred entry from every port.
55. My passport got run over by a steamroller. Amazingly customs still recognized my flattened face and let me through.