News Reporter Puns (25)
1. I heard the news reporter was feeling unwell. He must have caught the anchor flu!
2. The field reporter was having a bad hair day. I guess you could say she was having a bad news hair day!
3. The news anchor was feeling sleepy on air. I guess you could say he was having a snooze at news time!
4. The reporter spilled coffee on his suit right before going on air. It was a breaking news stain!
5. The weatherman brought umbrellas for the whole news team. I guess you could say he was giving an precipitation forecast!
6. The reporter tripped while running to cover a story. I guess you could say she took a news spill!
7. The anchor’s contact lens fell out right before the broadcast. It was a breaking news blur!
8. The reporter’s news van had a flat tire. It was unexpected breaking news!
9. The field reporter kept sneezing during his live report. I guess you could say he had a case of the news sneezes!
10. The anchor spilled his coffee right as the camera turned on. It was a hot breaking news alert!
11. The reporter was chewing gum on air. I guess you could say she was having a chewing news time!
12. The news anchor fell asleep during the commercial break. I guess you could say he was taking a news nap!
13. The weatherman brought a raincoat but forgot his pants. I guess you could say he was giving a partial precipitation forecast!
14. The reporter slipped on a banana peel while racing to cover a story. I guess you could say he hit a breaking news peel!
15. The anchor had a frog in his throat during the broadcast. I guess you could say he had a croaking news time!
16. The reporter spilled mustard on his tie five minutes before going live. It was a staining breaking news alert!
17. The weatherman stood up quickly and got dizzy on air. I guess you could say he had a precipitation forecast spin out!
18. The anchor lost his voice right before the broadcast. It was an unexpected mute breaking news alert!
19. The reporter got stung by a bee while covering a story. I guess you could say he encountered some buzzing breaking news!
20. The anchor sneezed his false teeth out on air. It was an unexpected breaking news tooth loss!
21. The weatherman brought snow boots but forgot his shirt. I guess you could say he was giving a half cold precipitation forecast!
22. The reporter got his tie stuck in a door right before going live. It was an unexpected breaking news snag!
23. The anchor spilled his water right as the camera turned on. It was an unexpected wet breaking news alert!
24. The field reporter got chased by a dog while covering a story. I guess you could say he encountered some barking breaking news!
25. The weatherman brought an umbrella but forgot his pants. I guess you could say he was giving a bottomless precipitation forecast!
News Reporter One-Liners (25)
26. I asked the news anchor to dance. He said, “No thanks, I don’t want to risk breaking news.”
27. Never ask the weatherman what’s up. He’ll just say, “The precipitation forecast.”
28. I wanted to hear a joke from the reporter. But she said, “No jokes, just breaking news.”
29. Don’t bother asking the anchor to sing. He’ll say, “Sorry, I only do breaking news tunes.”
30. Knock knock! Who’s there? Anchorman. Anchorman who? Anchorman the breaking news desk all by myself today.
31. Don’t expect a bedtime story from the reporter. She’ll just say, “But I only know breaking news stories.”
32. Why did the weatherman bring a raincoat and boots to the desert? He never forgets his precipitation forecast.
33. I asked the anchor if he wanted to hang out after work. He said, “Sorry, I’m married to my career of reporting the breaking news.”
34. Why was the reporter running down the street? She didn’t want to miss out on the breaking news.
35. Why did the weatherman bring an umbrella to the studio every day? He lived by his precipitation forecast.
36. Knock knock! Who’s there? Field reporter. Field reporter who? Field reporter coming to you live from the breaking news scene!
37. Don’t expect the anchor to party all night. He needs to be ready for the morning’s breaking news.
38. I wanted to play video games with the weatherman. But he said, “Sorry, I’ve got my eye on the precipitation forecast.”
39. Why do anchors have serious facial expressions? They take the breaking news very seriously.
40. Knock knock! Who’s there? Weatherman. Weatherman who? Weatherman says it’s going to rain cats and dogs today!
41. Why are reporters always in a rush? They don’t want to miss out on the breaking news story.
42. I asked the field reporter if she wanted to grab lunch. She said, “No time, I’m chasing breaking news!”
43. Why do weathermen gesticulate so much? They’re really passionate about the precipitation forecast.
44. Knock knock! Who’s there? Anchorman. Anchorman who? You’re listening to your anchorman with all the breaking news updates.
45. Why do reporters carry extra batteries? They don’t want their cameras to die during breaking news.
46. I wanted to hear a limerick from the anchor. But he said, “No time for rhymes, just state the breaking news.”
47. Knock knock! Who’s there? Field reporter. Field reporter who? Field reporter on the scene getting soaked in this rain!
48. Why do anchors have so many suits? They need to look sharp for all the breaking news.
49. I asked the weatherman to tell me a joke. He said, “No jokes, only precipitation forecasts.”
50. Knock knock! Who’s there? Anchorman. Anchorman who? It’s your anchorman with the latest breaking news bulletin.
Best News Reporter Jokes (25)
51. A news anchor, reporter, and weatherman were stranded on a desert island. The anchor looked at the camera made of sticks and stated: “Here we are, stranded on this island. I’ll report any breaking news.” The reporter said, “I’ll venture out and investigate this island.” The weatherman held up a stick and said, “Stay tuned for the precipitation forecast.”
52. A reporter raced to the scene of a car accident and started filming right away. She thrust the mic at a witness and asked, “Can you describe what happened here, sir?” The shaken man responded, “Well, I was just driving down the road when out of nowhere this car came swerving around the corner, crossed the median, and collided with that blue car there, sending it spinning. The driver of the blue car appeared to lose control and slammed into the pole over there.” He pointed to each spot as he described the incident in detail. The reporter said, “Oh, I meant just give me a quick sound bite.”
53. A news anchor was preparing to go live on location but couldn’t find his lucky tie. He searched high and low until he finally found it under a chair just as the producer started counting down. He quickly tied it and sighed in relief as he heard, “We’re live in 5…4…” He adjusted his collar only to feel something crawl across his neck – a big hairy spider dangling from his tie! Trying not to freak out on air, he subtly brushed it off, cleared his throat and said, “Good evening, this is your anchor Tom Smith reporting live.” Meanwhile the spider crawled across the lens, and for the whole segment all viewers could see was a giant hairy spider up close.
54. A reporter was interviewing a farmer about drought conditions. The farmer said, “Yep, we ain’t had rain here for months. The earth is drier than a popcorn fart.” The reporter’s eyes widened in shock, unsure if she could use that colorful quote on air. The next day, the weatherman happily reported heavy rain all week long. The reporter grinned and ended her segment saying, “Thanks to this week’s precipitation forecast, I can officially confirm that the earth is no longer as dry as an old popcorn toot.”
55. A news anchor, a reporter and a weatherman walk into a bar. The anchor sits upright and stoic, looking serious as ever. The reporter quickly scurries from table to table frantically collecting stories. The weatherman stands in the middle gesturing wildly as he describes the precipitation forecast for the next day.
56. A reporter got lost on the way to cover a news story. She stopped and asked a farmer for directions. “Well you go down this road here a stretch, past Old Man Riley’s farm, then you turn left at the big oak tree by the creek.” The reporter was more confused than ever. “Sir, can you just tell me in miles or landmarks?” “Sorry ma’am, I don’t know those new-fangled things. I just know precipitation forecasts and chickenfeed.”
57. Why are anchormen such good dancers? They like to break news.
58. A reporter, news anchor, and weatherman were out fishing on a lake. The reporter excitedly reeled in a huge fish and shouted, “This is breaking news!” The anchor shook his head disapprovingly. The weatherman checked his watch and mumbled, “High chance of precipitation forecast soon.”
59. Why don’t anchors smile? They don’t want to break the news.
60. A famous anchorman tried to retire and enjoy a vacation. But everywhere he went – the grocery store, movies, church – people recognized him. “Sir! Any breaking news today?” they’d ask. He realized he could never quit his anchorman days and returned to the news desk, where he only had to be serious for the camera.
61. Why are weathermen’s hands so soft? They’re always gesturing about precipitation forecasts!
62. A news anchor, reporter and weatherman were hiking through the jungle when they were captured by a tribe. The chief said, “I will let you all go if you can find 10 of the same fruit and bring to me.” The group split up to search. The anchor found 10 apples and presented them stoically to the chief, gaining his freedom. The reporter found 10 oranges and rushed excitedly to the chief to show her prize. The weatherman gathered up 10 bananas, gestured wildly at the chief to make his point, and was also set free.
63. Why do reporters carry 2 pens? In case one breaks down on the way to breaking news!
64. A reporter was interviewing the winner of a hot dog eating contest. She stuck the mic in his face and asked, “How many hot dogs did you eat to win today?” With his mouth still full of hot dog, he held up 7 fingers. The reporter waited expectantly for him to swallow and give a real response. After an awkward silence, she said, “Um, yes, 7 hot dogs, incredible. Back to you, Tom!”
65. Why are weathermen so flexible? They’re always bending over backwards to gesture at the precipitation forecast map!
66. A news anchor was stuck working every holiday. On Thanksgiving, he reported live from the parade. On Christmas Eve, he shared breaking news about Santa’s journey. On Easter, he anchored with a giant bunny ear headband. For the 4th of July, he wore an American flag suit and referred to it as “Anchordependence Day.”
67. Why was the weatherman fired? He started every forecast with “Sunny days, sweeping the precipitation forecasts away!”
68. A new intern joined a news team and on his first day they sent him to cover a story at a local farm. He went up to a man in denim overalls, held the mic to his face and asked “Sir, any breaking news on the farm today?” The farmer scratched his head and said “Son, we got no breaking news round here, just chickens, pigs and precipitation forecasts.”
69. Why do anchors get to work so early? They need time to review all the breaking news before going on air.
70. A reporter was interviewing the chicken who crossed the road. She asked “Why did you cross the road?” The chicken clucked: “No comment, next question.” Frustrated, the reporter said “Oh c’mon, give me some breaking news here!”
71. How do anchors stay so calm? Nothing breaks their news persona!
72. A news anchor was walking down the street on his day off. Someone came running up to him yelling, “Help! I need to find a doctor, it’s an emergency!” Without missing a beat the anchor stuck out his arm, pretended to hold a mic and said in a steady voice: “This just in – man needs doctor STAT. I’ll report any breaking news on this developing story.”
73. Why was the weatherman’s report cut short? He kept going off on tangents about precipitation forecasts!
74. On the first day of broadcasting school, the instructor announced: “To be a news anchor you must be serious at all times. Reporters, you must rush to cover each story. And weather forecasters, you should gesture wildly when describing the chance of precipitation.”
75. A reporter was covering a story about a missing dog. She stopped a passerby and asked “Sir, have you seen this dog?” He shook his head no. She shoved the mic closer and asked “Any comments on this developing story?” He backed away, saying “No comment, please just tell me if you find the dog!”
