Mayor Puns (10)
1. I heard the mayor was throwing a big party. It’s sure to be a mayoral event.
2. The mayor got arrested for stealing construction materials. I guess you could say he was taking public property for granite.
3. Why did the mayor get in trouble for driving recklessly? He was speed mayor-ing.
4. Why was the mayor fined for littering? He threw his trash on the city hall steps and was charged with illegal mayor dumping.
5. The mayor entered a pie eating contest but was disqualified for using his hands. He committed a mayor pie faux pas.
6. Why is the mayor banning skinny jeans? He wants to outlaw mayor tight pants.
7. The mayor slipped on a banana peel and fell down the city hall stairs. It was a major tumble for the mayor.
8. The mayor was caught stealing money from the city budget. I guess you could say he was embezzlement mayor.
9. Why did the mayor get in trouble for drunk driving? He committed a DUI-mayor offense.
10. The mayor got arrested for streaking through a public park. He was charged with lewd mayor exposure.
Mayor One-Liners (10)
11. My town’s mayor is so corrupt, he uses public funds to buy votes and pay for his vacations.
12. Our mayor is so out of touch with the community, he couldn’t find the downtown area with a map and a GPS.
13. Want to hear a joke? My city’s infrastructure and public services under our current mayor.
14. Our last mayor was so lazy, his daily schedule consisted of breakfast, lunch, nap, dinner, sleep, repeat.
15. We call our mayor “Teflon” because no scandal ever sticks to him even though he’s shady.
16. Our mayor is like a magician, he can make tax dollars disappear into his own pockets.
17. My town’s mayor is like a toddler – throws tantrums when he doesn’t get his way.
18. How does our mayor save money on haircuts? He just has the city gardener mow his lawn.
19. Our mayor is so out of shape, he gets winded from the effort of shaking hands at events.
20. Want to know how our last mayor improved our city? Me neither, because he didn’t.
Best Mayor Jokes (20)
21. The mayor was running late to a ribbon cutting ceremony, so he asked his intern to stall for time. The intern walked up to the podium and said, “Before we begin, does anyone have any questions for the mayor?” He stood there for 30 seconds with no response before finally yelling out, “Great questions, everyone!”
22. The mayor’s teenage son was caught egging the homes of his political rivals. When confronted, the mayor defended his son’s actions saying, “Boys will be boys. But I’ll make sure he uses free-range organic eggs next time.”
23. A constituent called the mayor’s office to complain about the poor condition of her street. “Ma’am, the potholes aren’t the problem,” replied the mayor. “The problem is that your car keeps driving into them.”
24. While giving a speech, the mayor meant to say “There’s no I in team.” But instead he accidentally said “There’s no teeth in my semen.” After an awkward silence, the mayor shrugged and said “Well I guess there’s some truth to both.”
25. The mayor walked out of a bar clearly intoxicated and was spotted stumbling down the street by a police officer. The cop pulled him aside assuming he was drunk. The mayor denied being intoxicated saying, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the mayor!” The cop responded, “Fine, if you can say the alphabet backwards, I’ll let you go.” The mayor confidently stated, “ZYXWVUTSRQPONMLKJIHGFEDCBA!” The cop replied, “Darn, you’re not as think as you drunk I am.”
26. The mayor’s office hired a new social media manager to improve the mayor’s image online. After just one week, the manager resigned. When asked why, he said, “I can’t keep defending all the mayor’s tone-deaf tweets and ridiculous selfies.”
27. The city was facing a rat infestation so the mayor bought 20 cats to help catch them. A month later, the rat problem was worse than ever. When criticized, the mayor said, “Don’t worry, I’ve got a solution. I just bought 60 cats to take care of the other cats.”
28. While walking down the street the mayor noticed a kid smoking a cigarette. Concerned for the child’s health he said, “Son, smoking is very unhealthy. You need to quit immediately!” The kid replied, “Mind your own business, Boomer. This is my body, my choice.” The mayor nodded and said, “You’re absolutely right, my apologies,” before continuing his walk.
29. During a TV interview, the mayor was asked if he ever smoked marijuana. He nervously replied, “No, I did not inhale.” The reported responded, “Sir, I just asked if you ever smoked weed, not how you smoked it.”
30. A newspaper’s editorial section was filled with angry letters from citizens complaining about the mayor. He called the paper and demanded they print an immediate retraction. The next day, the headline read: “Mayor Retracts – Citizens Still Upset.”
31. The mayor walked up to a lemonade stand run by some kids in the neighborhood. He said, “That’s a nice little business you’ve got there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it.” Then he bought a cup of lemonade and left.
32. While taking a tour of the city’s oldest school, the mayor saw a kid chewing gum in class. He walked up to the boy and whispered, “If you give me your piece of gum, I’ll give you $20.” The kid handed it over. As the mayor walked away, the kid shouted, “Mr. Mayor! I covered that gum in boogers!” The mayor quickly spit it in his hand. The kid smiled and said, “Just kidding. You can keep the gum.”
33. On April Fool’s Day, the mayor’s office issued a fake press release announcing the city would be renamed after him. Many citizens praised the joke online. A day later the mayor said, “Wait, that press release was real. We actually just voted to change the city’s name last night.”
34. While meeting with his economic advisors, the mayor dozed off. After a few minutes, he suddenly woke up and proclaimed, “I’ve got it! We’ll just print more money to fund the city budget!” The advisors face palmed in unison.
35. The mayor accidentally forwarded a chain email to all city employees that claimed smelling farts prevents cancer. He later had to send an apology saying, “Please disregard that previous email. Do not attempt to smell coworkers’ farts.”
36. After a Twitter feud with another mayor, our mayor logged off claiming victory and said, “I sure showed that moron. I’m logging off before he can muster a response.” The staffers remind him, “Sir, you’re both mayors of fictional towns we created for your social media training.”
37. Our city’s previous mayor invested public funds into building a large statue of himself. The new mayor decided to convert it into a bird feeder and installed a fountain that regularly shoots bird seed out of the statue’s mouth.
38. When our mayor goes to restaurants, he’ll snatch fries off other people’s plates saying, “Don’t worry, I’m the mayor. I’ll just use tax dollars to pay for those.”
39. After a homeless man robbed the mayor at gunpoint and took his wallet, the mayor said, “Let this be a lesson to all – we clearly need more tax cuts for the rich.”
40. Our mayor loves taking public transportation and talking to constituents on his commute. Mostly so he can give unsolicited advice like, “Have you tried just making more money?”
41. The mayor walked by a lemonade stand and saw a sign advertising “Ice Cold Lemonade $1.” He scoffed and said, “When I was a kid, lemonade only cost 25 cents a cup. Let me talk to your CEO.”
42. Our city’s mayor is so obsessed with patronage and appointing his friends, even the Official City Plant Waterer is his college roommate.
43. Our last mayor was notoriously corrupt. So much so that when he finally resigned, the thieves guild in town held a retirement party to congratulate him.
44. Our mayor loves photo ops with infrastructure projects. He’ll often stage events holding a shovel at an empty field, then later claim it’s a groundbreaking ceremony.
45. The mayor decided to go for a more relatable, casual look by only wearing Tommy Bahama shirts. The problem is, he pairs them with crocs which undermines the whole thing.
46. The mayor accidentally butt dialed a local reporter while having a vulgar conversation with his chief of staff. Let’s just say his remarks forced him to immediately issue a public apology.
47. Our former mayor doctored his official portrait to make himself look taller. He also had the artist change his hair color from grey to brown.
48. When our mayor attends kids’ baseball games, he brings a glove and asks to play shortstop for an inning. Then he tells the actual shortstop child that he “just doesn’t hustle enough.”
49. Our mayor loves prank calling fast food restaurants and asking if they have Prince Albert in a can. When they say no, he shouts, “Well you better let the poor guy out! Hahaha.”
50. The mayor’s attempt at slang to relate to youth voters was a big fail. Let’s just say addressing them as “Hey you jive turkeys!” did not improve his approval rating.