Long Island Puns
- I heard Long Island is changing its name to Extra Large Island because everything is bigger there.
- People in Long Island love to eat clams. You could say they’re pretty clam happy.
- Long Islanders throw the best parties. They really know how to Fire Island up.
- Visiting the vineyards in Long Island is always wine-derful.
- Don’t underestimate Long Island. It may be small but it’s got some Hamptons.
- Long Island is known for its beaches. The sand there is simply beach-utiful.
- The seafood in Long Island is amazing. The fish there is just fan-tuna-stic.
- Long Island has great Italian food. You cannoli imagine how good it is.
- The mansions in Long Island are jaw-dropping. They are definitely not just any old Montauk shack.
- Long Islanders love their iced tea. You could say they’re full-on addictea.
Long Island One-Liners
- Long Island is basically New Jersey but with better PR.
- They don’t call it Strong Island for nothing.
- Long Island Ice Tea? More like Long Island Lit AF.
- Montauk? More like Mount Hawk cause the hawks are everywhere.
- The spike in energy bills on Long Island is unbeLEVItown.
- Long Island Rail Road? With those delays it should be called the Long Island Stand Still.
- Kids on Long Island be like “My dad will sue!”
- North Shore? South Shore? It’s all the same overpriced shore if you ask me.
- The traffic on the LIE makes you want to LIE down and cry.
- Long Island bagels > NYC bagels. Don’t @ me.
Best Long Island Jokes
21. What do you call someone who moved from Brooklyn to Long Island? A traitor to their roots.
22. How many Long Islanders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one to hold the bulb and wait for the world to revolve around them.
23. A tourist was driving through Long Island and got lost. He pulled over and asked a local for directions. “Where do you need to go?” asked the Long Islander. The tourist replied, “Anywhere but here!”
24. Why do Long Islanders get lost so easily when driving? Because they all rely on their daddy’s GPS their whole lives.
25. What do LI teens get instead of a car for their 16th birthday? A BMW.
26. How do you know someone is from Long Island? They won’t stop talking about how they’re from Long Island.
27. Why did the Long Islander cross the road? To get to the mall on the other side.
28. What do Long Islanders do for fun? Pay too much for brunch.
29. How do Long Islanders party during a power outage? They all go quiet because their wifi is down.
30. Why did the Long Islander go to therapy? Because that’s what everyone does in Long Island.
31. What do Long Islanders and Kardashians have in common? They are famous for no reason.
32. Why can’t you borrow money from a Long Islander? Because their dad still gives them a weekly allowance.
33. What’s the easiest way to get a Long Islander to argue with you? Say literally anything.
34. What do Long Islanders say when you ask them how they are? “Well, my dad makes $500k a year…”
35. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb on Long Island? Just one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
36. How do you know someone grew up in Long Island? They won’t stop bragging about their Sweet 16.
37. Why did the Long Islander wear designer clothes to the beach? To impress all the other Long Islanders, duh.
38. What’s a Long Islander’s favorite snack? Mommy’s credit card.
39. How do Long Islanders party during a blizzard? By staying home and complaining on NextDoor.
40. What do Long Islanders and Florida men have in common? questionable life choices.