Hot Weather Puns
1. I’m so over this heat, it really gets under my skin.
2. It’s so hot, I’m sweating like a sinner in church!
3. This summer heat is un-bear-able. All I want to do is hibernate.
4. It’s hotter than Hades out there. The devil himself would be reaching for sunscreen.
5. It’s so hot, I saw a squirrel using a mini fan to cool down his nuts.
6. I’m melting like a popsicle in this heat. Someone get me to the fridge, stat!
7. It’s hotter than the blazes out there. Hell must have relocated topside.
8. This heatwave is a real scorcher. It’s hotter than donut grease!
9. It’s so hot, I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
10. This heat is unbearable. It’s hotter than the hinges of hell today.
11. It’s so hot today, I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog trying to get a drink!
12. This summer breeze is as refreshing as a fan in a volcano.
13. I’m sweating so much in this heat, you could bottle it and sell it as maple syrup.
14. It’s so hot, I saw a rooster lay a hard-boiled egg.
15. This heatwave is hotter than July asphalt. I’m sticking to surfaces like glue.
Hot Weather One-Liners
16. It’s so hot, even the crickets are chirping to the tune of “Sweat Baby, Sweat.”
17. This heat is hotter than Satan’s sauna.
18. It’s so hot, I saw a group of dogs taking turns laying on the same shady spot.
19. It’s hotter than donut grease out there! My shadow’s the only shade in town.
20. This heatwave is hotter than the devil’s armpit after hot yoga.
21. It’s so hot, jumping in the lake feels like taking a bath.
22. This summer heat is hotter than the barbecue at Satan’s family reunion.
23. It’s so hot, people are swimming in their clothes just to stay cool.
24. This heatwave is hotter than two rats in a wool sock.
25. It’s so hot, the birds have to use pot-holders to pull the worms out of the ground.
26. This summer temperature is hotter than a ghost pepper in Phoenix.
27. It’s so hot, my AC feels about as useful as ice cubes on the sun.
28. This heatwave is hotter than two squirrels fighting in a wool sock.
29. It’s so hot, even my wallet is sweaty.
30. This summer heat is hotter than grandma’s chili.
Best Hot Weather Jokes
31. It was so blistering hot, I saw a dog chasing a cat and they were both walking.
32. It’s so hot outside you could fry an egg on the sidewalk. I tried it this morning – unfortunately there was a police officer standing nearby. Let’s just say he wasn’t too happy about me cracking an egg on the ground. I told him it was an experiment for this insane heatwave we’re having but he still gave me a citation for littering. I guess next time I’ll have to find a more open-minded police officer to test my sidewalk egg frying theory. This heat really makes people crack!
33. This heatwave is so intense, I saw two trees fighting over a dog. It was quite the scene – both trees were furiously shaking their branches trying to provide the pup with some shade. The poor dog was just looking back and forth confused while the trees rustled aggressively over his head. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all. Goes to show just how desperate we all are to find some relief from this relentless heat!
34. It’s so blistering hot that I saw a squirrel sitting in the bird bath. He had a tiny umbrella propped over his head and was splashing water on his belly with his little paws. I’ve never seen a squirrel look so content! The absurdity of it made me laugh but I totally understood – if that squirrel bath felt even a fraction as refreshing as it looked, I’d be right there with him! This heat makes us all do crazy things.
35. This intense heat really brings out people’s creative side! Just the other day I saw a guy with a sprinkler taped to the top of his umbrella. He looked utterly ridiculous walking down the street getting sprayed by water with each step he took. But I’ve gotta admit, that’s one way to stay cool when it’s hot as Hades outside! Desperate times call for crazy inventions I guess.
36. The heat has been so oppressive lately that I saw a group of kids in the park taking turns laying inside the big tire swing. Only one would fit at a time so they were patiently waiting in line under the shade of a tree for their turn to swing inside the rubber oven for a few minutes at a time. Gotta admire their system for sharing the limited shade! If only we could all get along so well when it comes to resources for beating the heat.
37. My neighbor has resorted to sitting in a kiddie pool on his driveway to stay cool. He brings out a lawn chair that he sets in just a few inches of water. Between the tiny inflatable pool and the chair, he looks absolutely ridiculous! But I wonder if I should follow his lead because that water is probably refreshing. Maybe I’ll ask if we can go halfsies on a bigger pool! This heat makes you seriously consider options you’d never otherwise entertain.
38. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I was driving home the other day – there was a shirtless man with a spray bottle jogging down the sidewalk misting himself as he ran. The more I thought about it, the more impressed I was with his creativity and determination! Just imagine the salty sweat mixing with the crisp relief of the water spray. He looked very satisfied with his innovative solution. Maybe I should give it a try on my next jog, provided I can muster the motivation to exercise in this oppressive heat!
39. My son came up with an ingenious way to beat the heat yesterday. He took an old water bottle, poked some holes in the cap, and strapped it to the front of a fan so it would spray a mist when turned on. His makeshift “air conditioner” was surprisingly effective! The fan blew the refreshing mist right in your face. Sure it wasn’t as powerful as a real AC unit but the chill it gave was better than nothing! Out of the mouths of babes, I guess. I never would have thought of that. His creativity puts me to shame!
40. Who knew a simple backyard sprinkler could draw such a crowd? I set one up to help my struggling garden yesterday and soon the neighborhood kids were showing up with beach chairs to sit under the spray. At one point there were 5 of them jammed together shoulder to shoulder, happily cooled by the water. It was like a strange oasis in the middle of our street. The sprinkler certainly wasn’t designed for this purpose, but it just goes to show people will get creative when desperate to escape the heat!
41. This relentless heatwave has me seriously considering grabbing a bag of ice from the gas station and taking it straight to the shower. It sounds crazy but that cold blast would feel so good right now! I can almost feel the freezing drips rolling down my skin. I imagine it’s similar to how champagne must feel to fancy rich people. A quick cold jolt before retreating back to the miserable real world. Maybe I’ll treat myself to the ice shower tonight as a reward for surviving another blistering day!
42. My genius wife came up with the clever idea of freezing grapes to snack on during this hot spell. They’re like little bites of icy goodness that cool you off from the inside out. I never would have thought of that! Now we have bowls of frozen grapes stationed around the house for quick heat relief. Cheaper and healthier than running the AC nonstop. Plus they give you something icy to crunch on, taking your mind off the oppressive heat. My wife is truly a visionary when it comes to beating the heat on a budget!
43. During this insane heatwave, I caved and brought my laptop into the refrigerator to work. Typing with oven mitts was a bit of a challenge but being surrounded by that cool air was sweet relief! My roommate thought I had lost it when he went to grab a snack and found me sitting cross-legged on a shelf. But desperate times call for unusual measures! Maybe I’ll get a mini desk and chair to leave in there. Could be the most refreshing home office around. Being creative helps make unbearable situations bearable.
44. I was laughing to myself when I exited the grocery store the other day in the blazing heat – the cart return area had become a makeshift splash pad! A few kids were running through the puddles left behind by people returning wet carts. One particularly clever boy brought a towel to lay in the standing water. His buddies were jealous and waiting their turn for a soak. Gotta admire the way kids make their own fun, even under the most oppressive conditions! If only we all had that flexibility and creativity in the face of hardship.
Hot Weather Puns
45. This summer heat is hotter than a volcano’s temper.
46. It’s so hot, I’m sweating more than a sinner at church.
47. The heat index today is hotter than fire!
48. This heatwave is more oppressive than waiting in line at the DMV.
49. It’s so hot, even ice cubes are melting in my water.
50. I’m sweating so much in this heat that I need a snorkel.
51. This summer is hotter than salsa in Satan’s kitchen.
52. It’s so hot outside, my Christmas decorations started melting.
53. I’m sweating more than a turkey on Thanksgiving Day.
54. This heatwave is hotter than grandma’s hot flash.
55. It’s so hot, I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
Hot Weather One-Liners
56. I’m sweating more than a sinner in church!
57. This summer heat is hotter than the hinges of hell.
58. It’s so hot, even my winter clothes are sweating.
59. This heatwave is more scorching than Satan’s selfies.
60. I’m sweating more than a turkey on Thanksgiving.
61. It’s so hot, I saw snow cones chasing kids down the street.
62. This summer heat is more oppressive than waiting at the DMV.
63. I’m sweating more than a dog at an all-you-can-eat BBQ.
64. It’s so hot, I saw the devil himself applying sunscreen.
65. This heatwave is hotter than a ghost pepper in a sauna.
66. I’m sweating so much I need a snorkel.
67. It’s so hot, even cacti are drooping.
68. This summer is hotter than hot sauce in Phoenix.
69. I’m sweating like I’m stuck in a wool sweater factory.
70. It’s so hot, I saw penguins wearing oven mitts.
Best Hot Weather Jokes
71. This summer heatwave is so blistering that I saw two snowmen bicycling down the street wearing sombreros looking for shade. As they pedaled past, I heard one snowman say to the other “There’s snow place like home, amigo!” before they both melted into slush puddles. Poor guys didn’t stand a chance in this scorching weather! But their sunny dispositions in the face of certain meltdown gave me a good chuckle.
72. It’s been so oppressively hot that I saw a group of kids chasing down the ice cream truck on rollerblades and carrying fans to cool themselves down. As they finally caught up to the truck, panting and sweating, the driver said “Sorry kids, my ice cream melted 15 minutes ago in this heat.” Their little faces crumpled in disappointment. It was such a sad scene. I wanted to treat them all to popsicles to cheer them up but the grocery store was sold out. Few things melt faster than a kid’s hopes on the hottest day of summer.
73. This relentless heatwave has me seriously considering grabbing a bag of ice from the gas station and taking it straight to the shower. It sounds crazy but that cold blast would feel so good right now! I can almost feel the freezing drips rolling down my skin. I imagine it’s similar to how champagne must feel to fancy rich people. A quick cold jolt before retreating back to the miserable real world. Maybe I’ll treat myself to the ice shower tonight as a reward for surviving another blistering day!
74. My neighbor has resorted to sitting in a kiddie pool on his driveway to stay cool. He brings out a lawn chair that he sets in just a few inches of water. Between the tiny inflatable pool and the chair, he looks absolutely ridiculous! But I wonder if I should follow his lead because that water is probably refreshing. Maybe I’ll ask if we can go halfsies on a bigger pool! This heat makes you seriously consider options you’d never otherwise entertain.
75. I saw a dad mowing his lawn with an umbrella attached to his lawnmower for shade. Sweat was dripping off his nose but he had the biggest smile on his face. When I asked if he was hot, he laughed cheerfully and said “Sure am, but somebody’s gotta cut this grass!” His commitment despite the oppressive heat just made me smile. Now that’s the positive attitude we all need to make it through this scorching weather!