Hot Puns
- I bought my friend an electric blanket for her birthday. She said it was the warmest gift she’d ever received.
- My house is like an oven in the summer. I’m just glad the air conditioner cools things down before tempers get too heated.
- I entered a hot sauce tasting contest last weekend. It was a heated competition between some very spicy competitors.
- My friend got mad when I turned up his thermostat as a prank. I told him to chill out, it was just a joke!
- I bought my wife a personal fan to stay cool in the summer heat. She said it really blows her mind how thoughtful I can be.
- Did you hear about the angry thermometer? It had a short temper and always gave hot-headed responses.
- I accidentally burned my tongue on some hot pizza. I said some words that were pretty inflammatory.
- My oven mitt couldn’t handle pulling the turkey out of the oven. It said the heat was unbearable and quit on the spot.
- The race car engine was smoking after the long drive. It really needed a chance to cool down before it blew its top.
- The fire alarm went off while baking cookies. I had to calmly explain it was just a false alarm to prevent tempers from flaring up.
- My friend got into an argument with a hot dog vendor about the price. Things got pretty heated between them.
- I told my wife her home-cooked meals warm my heart. She said my compliments always make her feel toasty inside.
Hot One-Liners
- It was so hot today I saw a squirrel rubbing sunblock on his nuts.
- It’s so hot, I saw Satan at the pool asking people to get out because he wanted to swim.
- It’s so hot, I just got called into work because someone called in baked.
- It’s so hot, there were squirrels rubbing sunscreen on their nuts out there.
- It was so hot today the birds were using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- It’s so hot I just saw a penguin sticking ice cubes down his Speedo.
- It’s so hot the meteorologists are reporting the weather in degrees Leo DiCaprio.
- It’s so hot I saw a rooster laying hard boiled eggs.
- It’s so hot outside you could fry an egg on the top of your car, if your car was made entirely of frying pans.
- It’s so hot, even penguins are turning on their fans.
- It’s so hot, even my oven mitt is sweating.
- It’s so hot, I saw two trees fighting over a dog.
- It’s so hot, the devil himself came by asking if I could turn up the AC.
- It’s so hot, I saw a fire hydrant chasing a dog trying to get a drink.
- It’s so hot, people are getting sunburnt at night.
Best Hot Jokes
- Last summer my air conditioner broke down during a heat wave. I called the repairman, who showed up at my door covered in sweat. “Man, it’s scorching out there!” he said. “I just want to get this fixed so I can get back to my nice cool shop.”After taking a look, he told me the AC needed a new part that would take a week to arrive. In the meantime, he suggested, “Why don’t you come hang out at the shop where it’s air conditioned?”
I replied, “But won’t I just make your shop hotter with my body heat?”
The repairman wiped his brow and said, “At this point, lady, you could sunbathe naked in the middle of my shop and it’d still be cooler than being outside today!”
- During the summer heat wave, my friend and I walked by a metal shop. The blacksmith was standing just outside, dripping with sweat.Hot enough for you?” my friend joked.
The blacksmith glared back. “Listen, I work with molten metal and open flames all day. I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘hot.'”
Just then, his bearded collie ran out from the shop. It stopped directly underneath the blacksmith, lifted its leg on his boot, and peed right where he was standing.
The blacksmith sighed. “Except for right now. Right now I know exactly what ‘hot’ means.”
- In the middle of a summer heat wave, the local bar became sweltering. The owner was determined to save money by not turning on the AC, so he filled plastic bags with ice and duct taped them over each fan. Before long, beads of condensation rolled down the plastic onto the patrons below.One man finally got fed up. He stood on his stool and shouted to the bartender, “Hey buddy! How about turning on the AC before we all melt back here?”
“Quit complaining!” the bartender snapped back. “Those dripping bags are keeping you cooler than being outside, aren’t they?”
“Not really,” replied the man. “In fact, I think your ‘AC system’ is starting to heat things up!”
- During an intense summer heat wave, a man stormed into an appliance repair shop. “My air conditioner has been broken for a week and the repairman still hasn’t shown up!” he complained. “This heat is unbearable!”The owner of the shop wiped sweat from his brow and replied, “Look, I know you’re frustrated but yelling won’t cool anything down right now.”
“Oh yeah?” snapped the man. “Watch this!” He proceeded to scream at the top of his lungs for a full minute straight.
When he finally stopped, the entire shop was staring at him. After an awkward silence, the owner said, “Feel better now?”
The man smiled and said, “Actually I do. That was quite refreshing!”
- In the middle of a heat wave, my friend and I hiked into the Grand Canyon despite the 110°F temperatures. We made it a mile in before we ran out of water. Delirious from dehydration, we staggered towards a park ranger to ask for help.When we reached her, she scolded us, “What were you thinking hiking without enough water in this heat? This is extremely dangerous!”
My friend replied, “We just have one question: now that we’re down here, could we get some ice water? We heard the bottom of the canyon is a cool 20 degrees cooler than at the top.”
The ranger rolled her eyes and said, “You boys aren’t at the bottom, you’re only a mile down. And it’s probably only like 5 degrees cooler. So no, you can’t have any water until I escort you back out of the canyon.”
I turned to my friend and whispered, “Next time we decide to hike into the Grand Canyon in 110°F heat, maybe we should make it to the bottom first!”
- A woman’s house was nearly 100 degrees during a summer heatwave since her air conditioner was broken. The repairman couldn’t come for three days.”Is there any way to cool down until then?” she begged over the phone.
Well, you could fill your bathtub with ice and lie in it,” he suggested jokingly.
A few hours later, the repairman arrived to fix the AC and found the woman submerged neck-deep in a tub full of slowly melting ice cubes.
He shook his head and said, “I was only kidding about the ice bath!”
She smiled and replied, “I know, but it was such a cool idea.”
Hot Puns
- I entered my dog in a chili eating contest. He loved it, although the heat made him a little husky.
- I accidentally used a tablespoon of wasabi instead of a teaspoon in my stir-fry. The spicy heat really fired things up in the kitchen.
- The sweltering summer heat sent temperatures rising in the city. You could say things were getting hot under the collar.
- My friend got into an intense bidding war over a vintage hot rod. You could say the auction heated up quite a bit.
- I decided to eat the spiciest wings on the menu last night just to break a sweat. You could say I was up for the hot challenge.
- After eating spicy buffalo wings, my mouth was erupting with heat. I certainly got more than I bargained for in that fiery encounter.
- Hawaiian volcanoes can certainly heat things up. Their molten lava generates some pretty fiery situations.
- As a prank, I replaced my coworker’s hand sanitizer with hot sauce. Let’s just say temperatures rose pretty quickly after that.
- The jalapeño eating contest really separated the men from the boys. Eating those fiery hot peppers was a blistering challenge.
- With the thermostat broken, visiting my friend’s apartment in the summer is always an extremely heated affair.
Hot One-Liners
- It’s so hot I cooked a steak by tossing it up in the air for two minutes.
- It’s so hot I saw a rabbit chasing a dog and begging for its shade.
- It’s so hot outside you could bake cookies on the sidewalk.
- It’s so hot I saw a snake shedding its scales looking for some relief.
- It’s so hot, even cactuses are searching for shade.
- It’s so hot, I saw the devil himself walking around in swimming trunks.
- It’s so hot, people are praying just for rain, not for world peace.
- It’s so hot, my car’s temperature gauge was showing temperatures hotter than the sun.
- It’s so hot, I saw birds using potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- It’s so hot, you could bake cookies on the sidewalk.
Best Hot Jokes
- In the middle of a summer heat wave, a man’s air conditioner broke down. He called an AC repair company but was told no technicians were available for a week. Desperate, the man asked if they knew any temporary fixes to cool his house in the meantime.”Well, open all your windows and turn on all your fans,” the dispatcher suggested.
An hour later the man called back, even more frantic than before. “It’s even hotter now with the windows open and the fans blowing!” he wailed.
“Oops, I’m so sorry,” said the dispatcher. “I meant to say open all your windows and turn your fans to exhaust the heat out of your house. I guess I should have been more clear about which direction to have them blowing!”
- During a brutal heatwave one summer, a public pool put out a sign announcing a maximum occupancy of 100 people. On one scorching day, a man arrived to find the pool very crowded. He slowly waded through the packed crowd, counting under his breath. When he reached 99, he stopped, looked around, and shouted, “Does anyone want to get out before I pee in the pool?”Within seconds, the entire pool had emptied. Laughing to himself, the man started doing laps in the now vacant pool. When done swimming, he lay down for some tanning. Soon he heard a little girl’s voice ask, “Mister, do you know if the pool’s closed?” Startled, he sat up and saw the pool full again. In disbelief he asked the girl, “Didn’t you hear my announcement before I peed in the pool?”
“Oh sure,” she said, “but when it’s this hot, we’d all rather swim in pee than sweat.”
- In the middle of a sizzling heatwave one July, I was waiting at the DMV to renew my license. The temperature inside was insufferable. After an hour, I was delirious and lightheaded from the heat.I went up to the front desk and begged the clerk, “Is there any way you could turn down the thermostat before people start passing out from heat stroke?”
“Sorry, the temperature controls are locked and only our building manager has the key,” he said. “Your best bet is to keep drinking water.”
I slumped back down in my seat defeated. The elderly man next to me leaned over and whispered, “If you really want that thermostat turned down, just pretend to faint when you go back up there. I guarantee they’ll find that key fast!”
- In the middle of July, a massive heatwave swept through town. My elderly neighbor had no air conditioning and was getting desperate as indoor temps reached 95°F.Too proud to go to a cooling shelter, she tried bizarre DIY methods to stay cool in her apartment. I’d witness her doing things like surrounding herself with frozen steaks, aiming desk fans at bowls of ice cubes, and freezing water balloons into arm garters.One afternoon I ran into her in the hallway looking defeated. I asked how she was holding up. Wiping her brow, she said, “Oh honey, at this point I’ve realized the only way I’ll truly feel cool again is to just stick my head in the freezer and leave it shut!”
- An airline pilot was preparing his plane for takeoff in blistering 110°F heat. Sweat dripped down his face as he contacted the control tower. “Whew, it is positively sweltering out here on the tarmac!” he reported. “What’s the temperature like up there in the tower?””Oh, we’re comfortable as can be up here, nice and cool,” replied the air traffic controller smugly.
The pilot hesitated and then asked, “Would you mind confirming the current temperature for our records?”
The controller laughed and said, “It’s 78 degrees up here. Why, is it hot down there?”
“Yup,” the pilot responded, firing up the engines. “But don’t worry, I’ll give you a blast of our air conditioning real soon as we take off past your tower!”
