Gum Puns (25)
1. Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
2. What do you call a gum that protects your teeth? A gum-guard!
3. Why couldn’t the boy blow a bubble with his gum? He didn’t have enough cents!
4. I tried chewing some bacon flavored gum, but it was pretty chewy. I guess you could say it was…gamy!
5. I entered a bubble blowing contest, but I ended up gumming up the works.
6. I was hoping to buy some fruit flavored gum, but the store was all out of stock. What a mint disappointment!
7. I accidentally swallowed some gum and got a stomach ache. I guess I should have chews-ed my food more carefully!
8. What do you call a detective who chews gum all day? An inspector with Jawbreakers!
9. My friend got gum stuck in her hair while blowing a bubble. I told her it was a very sticky situation!
10. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Chew? Apparently all the dishes have gum in them!
11. I entered my favorite pack of gum in a chewing contest. I’m sure it’ll make a good showing!
12. Our teacher caught my friend chewing gum in class. I guess you could say he was caught red-handed!
13. I accidentally put a pack of gum in the wash and it got stuck all over my clothes. Talk about a wash and chew!
14. What do you call someone who sells gum on the black market? A chew-smuggler!
15. I was pulling a prank on my brother by putting gum in his hair, but mom caught me red-handed. Boy was I in a sticky situation!
16. Did you hear about the new line of spicy gum? It really packs a chew!
17. I tried to chew 100 pieces of gum at once for a contest, but it was a jaw-dropping experience!
18. My friend got gum stuck to her shoe walking down the sidewalk. I told her to look on the bright chew, at least it wasn’t dog poop!
19. I accidentally bought bacon flavored gum. To be honest, it tastes pretty ham-fisted.
20. What do you call a bubble gum flavored cheese? Bubbalicous Feta!
21. Why don’t sharks ever chew gum? They’re afraid of popping their jaw!
22. I tried to sneak gum into the movie theater in my pocket, but got caught red-chewed.
23. Did you hear about the new mint that grows gumdrops? It’s called chewmint!
24. What did the gum say to the shoe? I’m stuck on you!
25. No wonder that piece of gum was so hard to chew, it was fossilized!
Gum One-Liners (20)
26. I chews you!
27. My gum’s lost its flavor, but my breath keeps going on and on.
28. Who needs toothpaste when you have gum?
29. They say chewing gum burns 10 calories an hour. Looks like I’m ready for that marathon!
30. Bubble gum – popping fun for everyone!
31. My chewing gum brings all the boys to the yard.
32. Cinnamon gum – like a breath mint, but more fun to chew!
33. Once you pop, you just can’t stop!
34. Q: What do you call a king that chews gum? A: A chew-ruler!
35. Bacon gum: for when you want to chew and smell like breakfast at the same time.
36. Mother never told me not to swallow my gum. I hope she chews me out for this later.
37. I’m chewing gum louder to assert my dominance.
38. Gum: keeping your mouth busy when you’re bored.
39. Chewing gum is like crunching on rubber with flavor.
40. I chewed the same piece of gum for a week once. It was utterly revolting.
41. Gum: it’s chew-ly delicious!
42. I chewed so much gum, my jaw needs a restraining order!
43. Chewing gum just got exciting again – bacon flavor is here!
44. Q: How did the gum cross the road? A: It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
45. Gum: chew now, stick later!
Best Gum Jokes (40)
46. Last week, I decided to chew an entire pack of gum at once just to see if I could. Within minutes, my jaw was exhausted from all the chewing. But I powered through the pain and managed to chomp through every stick. After an hour, I realized the gum had lost all its flavor. At that point, it felt like I was chewing tiny rubber balls in my mouth. I tried to pull the giant wad out, but it just stretched like taffy and wouldn’t let go of my teeth. I spent the next several hours intermittently chewing and trying to scrape globs of stale gum off my molars with my tongue to no avail. Finally, I gave up and swallowed the mass in defeat. My stomach is still recovering from having to digest that rubbery blob, but I did it – I chewed an entire pack in one go. Not sure it was worth the sore cheeks though!
47. Last summer, my friend and I had a gum chewing contest to see who could blow the biggest bubble. We started chewing like madmen, shoving piece after piece into our mouths until our jaws were stuffed. After about an hour of chewing, our bubbles were getting huge. As I exhaled to blow an enormous bubble, it popped right in my face, covering me in gum! My friend thought it was hilarious, until the same thing happened to him seconds later. We spent the rest of the afternoon picking sticky wads of gum out of each other’s hair and clothes. I don’t think either of us won that contest!
48. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with chewing gum. I had gum stashed all around my room—under my bed, in my desk, in my closet, you name it. One night, I was chewing a piece of gum when I fell asleep without spitting it out. The next morning, I woke up and went to brush my teeth, but couldn’t find the gum anywhere! I looked all over, but it had disappeared. A few days later, I was chewing another piece of gum when I suddenly tasted something minty and rubbery already in my mouth. Turns out that missing piece had been stuck in my teeth the whole time! From then on, I always made sure to throw my gum away before bed.
49. In elementary school, there was this kid named Joey who chewed gum nonstop, no matter where he was. He’d sit in class chomping away, blowing huge bubbles and popping them loudly. The teachers always yelled at him, but he didn’t care. One day, he got his gum stuck in another kid’s hair while blowing a bubble too close to her. She had to cut big chunks of her hair out because the gum was stuck in there so tightly! Joey had to stay after school for detention for a month after that stunt. But the next day, he came right back to school, chewing away on a big wad of bubblegum—he just never learned!
50. One time, my sister put her gum in an empty soda can when she was done chewing it. Later that day, I picked up the can without looking inside and took a big swig. Instead of soda, I got a mouthful of week-old chewed up gum! I immediately started gagging and spitting it out while my sister rolled on the floor laughing. To this day, I always check cans twice before drinking from them. That gum tasted absolutely revolting!
51. In high school, I was chewing a piece of gum when my girlfriend tried to kiss me. As we locked lips, she suddenly pulled away with a grossed out look on her face. That’s when I realized my gum had gotten stuck to her lips! We both started laughing hysterically as I tried to pull the gum off gently without ripping her lips off. After five minutes of sticky kisses, I finally managed to retrieve my gum. She didn’t let me kiss her again for the rest of the day, which was probably fair. I should have spit out my gum before making out!
52. When I was a kid, I decided to find out how many pieces of gum could fit in my mouth at once. I started shoving stick after stick in, chewing like crazy. Within a few minutes, my mouth was completely stuffed with what felt like a giant gumball. I could barely close my mouth and chew with all that sticky sweetness crammed in there. As I walked around showing off my stuffed cheeks, chomping loudly, gum started leaking out the sides of my mouth. It was all over my face, in my hair, dripping down my shirt—I was a complete sticky mess! My jaw hurt for days after that gum stuffing stunt. Let’s just say I learned my lesson about moderation when it comes to chewing gum.
53. One summer at camp, my friends and I had an epic gum chewing contest. The rules were simple: chew as much gum as you can until you can’t chew anymore. We all stuffed our mouths with gum and chomped away furiously. Within an hour, our jaws were exhausted and sore from all that work. But no one wanted to quit. Two hours later, we were still chewing though barely making a dent in our massive wads. My friend Matt had chewed so much that his gum lost all flavor and he accidentally swallowed the giant sticky glob when he nodded off to sleep! After three absurd hours of chewing, we called it a tie and spent the rest of the night trying to slowly chisel off the concrete-like gum from our teeth. To this day, just looking at a pack of gum makes my jaw hurt!
54. In middle school, I was chewing a huge wad of watermelon bubblegum when the teacher called on me to answer a question. As I stood up quickly, blowing an enormous bubble without thinking, it popped all over my face and hair! Everyone laughed hysterically as I tried to scrape the gum off. Even the teacher was chuckling as she handed me a pair of scissors to cut the pieces out of my hair. I learned my lesson that day—always spit out gum before standing up! To this day, the smell of watermelon bubblegum makes me shudder.
55. When I was in elementary school, I would chew my gum till all the flavor was gone and it turned into a stiff little rubber ball in my mouth. Then I would stick it under my desk with all the older petrified gumwads from weeks before. By the end of the year, I probably had fifty pieces stuck under there, growing harder every day. On the last day of school, I peeled off one massive lump of rock-hard gum that was the size of a baseball! I don’t know how that accumulation didn’t glue my desk to the floor permanently. Never again will I let gum go stale and waste away under a school desk.
56. One Halloween night, my little brother put on his chewbacca costume and went out trick or treating. Excited to have scored a huge candy haul, he shoved a huge wad of gum into his furry mouth and started chomping away. Pretty soon, the gum was stuck all throughout his fake furry chewbacca beard and hair! No matter how hard he tried to pick it out, it just stretched and stuck like glue. There was so much gum tangled in the fur that he had to get mom to shave half of it off so he could get it all out. Needless to say, he learned not to chew gum with that costume on again!
57. When I was a teenager, my girlfriend and I would have gum chewing contests to see who could blow the biggest bubble. One day I blew a huge pink bubble, over a foot wide! She tried to top it but ended up getting gum all over her braces and we spent forever trying to pick it out. After that she was banned from chewing gum until she got her braces off. I felt bad but couldn’t help laughing at the gum stuck in her braces. Moral of the story–braces and bubblegum don’t mix!
58. One time at summer camp, my friend Josh unzipped his sleeping bag to find someone had filled it with chewed up gum as a prank! There were hundreds of disgusting old wads stuck to the inside. Josh tried to pick it all off but it was hopeless, so he had to ask the camp staff for a new sleeping bag. To this day no one knows who played that nasty prank. But there’s still dried gum stuck on the bottom of Josh’s old sleeping bag to serve as a reminder!
59. When my cousin Joey was 10, he loved seeing how many pieces of gum he could fit in his mouth. One day, he shoved in almost 20 pieces! Needless to say, the gigantic wad got stuck in his braces and he couldn’t pry it out. His parents had to take him to the orthodontist to get each piece painstakingly picked out one by one. Joey didn’t chew gum again for a long time after that traumatic experience!
60. One time my friend Sam was chewing a piece of watermelon gum in class. When he sneezed really hard, the gum flew out of his mouth and got stuck in the girl’s hair in front of him! She felt something hit her and turned around to see the gum tangled up by her ear. She was really grossed out and kept asking “Who sneezed on me!” as Sam slid lower in his seat. He felt so bad he bought her cookies every day for a week, until eventually she forgave him. But from then on, Sam never chewed gum sitting behind someone again!
61. When my brother was young, he would always swallow his gum instead of spitting it out. We warned him that it would stick in his stomach, but he didn’t believe us. One day he swallowed at least ten pieces of juicy fruit gum, on a dare from his friend. That night, he got terrible stomach pains and had to go to the doctor. It turned out the huge wad of gum had gotten stuck in his intestines! Thankfully they were able to remove it without surgery, but he learned his lesson. To this day, he still can’t chew juicy fruit gum without getting a tummy ache.
62. One time I made the mistake of falling asleep with gum in my mouth. When I woke up, I was horrified to find it tangled and stuck in my hair into one huge clump. No matter how much I pulled, I couldn’t get the sticky wad out of my long hair! In the end, I had to very embarrassingly call my mom to help cut the gum out of my hair. It took her almost an hour snipping away with scissors while I sat there red-faced. Ever since then, I’ve been very careful to spit out my gum before bed and avoid falling asleep while chewing!
63. When my friend was a kid, he used to think it was funny to stick his gum under restaurant tables as a prank. One day, he was out to eat with his parents and stuck a huge wad under their table. Later, when the waiter came to serve food, his shirt sleeve got caught on the gum and swiped a plate of spaghetti right into my friend’s lap! He had to sit through the whole meal covered in tomato sauce. After that, he realized gum under tables was no laughing matter. Justice was served!
64. In high school, I thought it was so cool to blow huge bubbles with my bubble gum. One day I blew a massive bubble in class, and it ended up popping all over my face and hair right as the teacher called on me! Everyone laughed as I tried to get the sticky gum off my cheeks and out of my eyelashes. Even the teacher giggled a bit before telling me to go wash up. I was so embarrassed after that incident that I didn’t chew bubble gum again for the rest of high school!
65. One time when I was a kid, I stuffed so much bubble gum in my mouth that when I tried to chew, it just turned into a big ball of rubber. I spent nearly an hour trying to slowly work the wad around with my tongue to soften it up and break it into smaller pieces. By the end, my jaw ached terribly! That giant gum ball taught me always to moderate how much gum I chew at one time