What do you call Donald Duck when he does stand-up comedy? A quack-up comedian!
Why does Donald Duck smell funny after a swim? He uses duck scents.
What did Donald say when Daisy asked him to go to the mall? “Let’s go quack to the mall!”
What did Donald tell Daisy when she was worried about her looks? “You’re beautiful just the quack you are!”
Why does Donald Duck drink so much orange juice? It’s his quackness of choice!
How does Donald Duck cook his steaks? He likes them medium to well quack.
What’s Donald Duck’s favorite key on a keyboard? The quack button.
Why couldn’t Donald Duck become a doctor? His bedside quackner was awful.
What did Donald say when asked about his bad temper? “I need to quack working on that.”
Why did Donald get upset during the baseball game? The umpire made a bad quack.
What’s Donald Duck’s favorite exercise? Duck squacks.
How did Donald prank Daisy? He put a quacking device under her chair.
Why was Donald so tired after shopping? He went on a quacking spree.
What did Donald scream when he won the lottery? “I’m quacking rich!”
Why does Donald drink so much coffee? He needs his daily quackotine fix.
Donald Duck One-Liners (15)
Donald Duck? More like Donald Drunk!
What do you call a wet Donald Duck? A Duck of Quackery!
Q: What do you call Donald Duck in a suit? A: Donald Schmuck!
Donald Duck walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey. Bartender says, “Put it on your bill.”
I saw Donald Duck at the supermarket yesterday. Man, that guy is a real quack head.
What does Donald Duck call his toilet? The Quackatorium!
Did you hear about the new Donald Duck alarm clock? It goes “Quack quack quack quack!”
Donald Duck and Daffy Duck should start a band called The Quacking Daffy Ducks.
Donald Duck shops at Gucci? More like he only buys cheap quacks!
Don’t let Donald Duck cook Thanksgiving dinner unless you want burnt quack.
What’s Donald Duck’s favorite pickup line? “Are you feelin’ a little quackers tonight?”
Donald Duck goes into a rage whenever someone takes his parking spot. What a crazy quacker!
Donald Duck goes to the bar and starts hitting on women, bragging about being rich and famous. What a lame quack!
Donald Duck keeps forgetting where he parked his car. That duck’s got a real quack memory.
Donald Duck gets drunk and starts doing karaoke at the bar. Somebody stop that quack from singing!
Best Donald Duck Jokes (25)
One day Donald Duck is walking down Main Street when he sees Daisy Duck crying on a park bench. “What’s wrong Daisy?” asks Donald. “Oh, it’s awful Donald! I’m trying to win the big beauty pageant tomorrow but I just found out one of the judges hates ducks!” she sobs. Donald thinks for a minute then says “No worries Daisy, I’ve got a plan. Just leave it to me!” The next day Donald dresses up in a wig, makeup and dress and enters the pageant as Dolores Quackenbush. He ends up winning the whole competition! When asked for the secret to her beauty, he says “I just try to stay positive and quack a smile every day.”
Donald Duck decides to go golfing one day. He’s standing at the tee getting ready to swing when a big gust of wind blows his ball straight into the water hazard. Donald throws his club down and starts jumping up and down, quacking angrily about his bad luck. Just then, Mickey Mouse walks up and says “Gee Donald, don’t get upset. Let me help.” Mickey steps up and takes a big swing at Donald’s ball, but he misses and falls right into the water hazard with a loud splash! Donald laughs and laughs, pointing at Mickey splashing around. “Not so easy is it Mouse?!” Donald says with a smug grin.
Donald Duck wins the lottery and decides to go on a lavish vacation. He books the presidential suite at a 5-star resort, orders champagne and caviar by the truckload, and relaxes in the hotel’s deluxe pool and spa. When Donald tries to pay for all his luxuries with his credit card, it gets declined. Turns out he only won $10 on his lottery ticket! Donald is forced to scrub dishes in the hotel kitchen to pay off his debts before scrambling home broke on a crowded bus. Donald learns his lesson and promises himself he’ll stop counting his eggs before they hatch next time!
Donald Duck really wants to impress his new girlfriend Daisy, so he takes her on a romantic trip to Paris. On their first day, Donald plans a beautiful candlelit dinner at the top of the Eiffel Tower. But when the check for the expensive food and wine comes, the waiter tells Donald his credit card is declined. Daisy stands up in embarrassment as Donald desperately tries to explain that his card never works abroad. Then the waiter returns with the police who try to arrest Donald for failing to pay. Donald grabs Daisy’s hand and they make a mad dash out of the restaurant and spend the rest of the night hiding in alleyways!
Donald Duck is walking past a construction site when a worker accidentally drops a bucket of paint on his head. Donald is doused from head to toe in bright pink paint. He’s absolutely furious and starts jumping up and down, quacking wildly at the worker. The construction worker feels so bad and tries apologize, but Donald won’t have it. He chases the worker around with a plank of wood, all while the wet pink paint is dripping down his feathers. Everyone at the construction site stops working to watch the hilarious scene of Donald waddling around covered in pink!
Donald Duck takes his nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie to the fair. They immediately run off to go on the rides while Donald grabs some food. After eating a big turkey leg and drinking a large soda, Donald feels very sick and bloated. He tries to find a bathroom but ends up vomiting right as he’s about to get on the spinning teacups ride with his nephews. The humiliation of throwing up in public angers Donald so much that he starts quacking wildly and tries to attack the fair employee cleaning up his mess. Huey, Dewey and Louie shake their heads in embarrassment – their uncle Donald is such an angry duck!
Donald Duck wins a brand new convertible sports car and happily drives it to show Mickey Mouse. Mickey congratulates him and asks to take the car for a spin. As Mickey drives down the road, laughing and waving at passerby, he gets distracted and accidentally slams the brand new car into a tree! The front bumper and hood are completely smashed. When Mickey returns with the wrecked car, Donald is so angry that steam starts shooting out of his ears. He jumps up and down, viciously quacking at Mickey for being such a reckless driver and ruining his new car!
Donald Duck decides to run for Mayor of Duckburg, but he severely underestimates how popular the current mayor is. On election day, Donald Duck only gets 1 vote – his own. Furious that no one voted for him, Donald stands up on the election stage and starts angrily quacking about the “rigged election” and the “corrupt system” that led to his defeat. All the voters just stand around looking confused as Donald angrily quacks and flaps around on stage. The winner finally has to call security to escort the sore loser Duck off stage!
Donald Duck accidentally oversleeps and misses his important job interview at a big office building. He hurries downtown, but when he gets stuck in traffic, he has a complete meltdown. Donald angrily starts quacking, honking, and yelling out his window at the gridlocked cars, making himself even later for the interview. When Donald finally arrives, the hiring manager says “Sorry, the position has already been filled.” Donald is so enraged that he barges into the manager’s office and starts throwing papers off his desk! Security has to taser Donald to get the raging duck under control.
Donald Duck loves doing his taxes each year, because he always looks forward to getting a huge refund check. But this year Donald is audited by the IRS who say he incorrectly filed and actually owes more taxes. Donald is furious and drives straight to the IRS headquarters to argue his case. When he meets with the auditor, Donald loses his temper and starts loudly quacking about the unfairness of it all. Security ends up having to tase Donald and forcibly remove him from the building! Let’s just say Donald won’t be getting his refund check anytime soon.
Donald Duck takes his girlfriend Daisy on a romantic nighttime boat ride across the lake. But when Donald isn’t paying attention, he accidentally crashes the boat right into a tree stump poking out of the water. The boat starts rapidly filling up with water, and Donald and Daisy have to swim for shore. When they make it to land, soaking wet and shivering, Donald completely loses it. He starts jumping up and down, viciously quacking about his ruined date. Daisy decides she’s had enough of Donald’s anger issues and breaks up with the furious duck right then and there!
Donald Duck is strolling through the park when he gets pooped on by a passing bird. The poop lands right on top of Donald’s head and trickles down his face. Donald flies into an uncontrollable rage, viciously quacking and shaking his fists at the sky. He finds the bird perched in a tree above and tries climbing up to fight it. But Donald slips and falls into a giant mud puddle below. He emerges completely covered in mud from head to toe. Donald’s nephews walk by and laugh at the pathetic sight of their uncle raging against a bird and getting a dose of karma!
Donald Duck goes grocery shopping and uses a bunch of coupons to get his bill down to just $1. Proud of his couponing skills, when Donald gets to the register the cashier says the coupons are all expired and his total is $50. Donald is so outraged he starts quacking like crazy and emptying all the shelves into his cart, causing a huge mess in the aisle. The manager calls the police who try to tase Donald as he runs out of the store pushing a mountain of groceries in his cart without paying! Let’s just say he won’t be allowed back in that grocery store again.
Donald Duck buys a brand new state-of-the-art smartphone. But as soon as he starts using it, he gets a huge monthly bill because he went way over his data limit by angrily quacking at people over Twitter all day long. Donald marches down to the phone store and has an epic meltdown, quacking about how he wasn’t properly warned about data overages. The terrified employees end up calling mall security to remove the deranged duck from the premises! Needless to say, Donald remains a loyal flip phone user to this day.
Donald Duck takes up painting to try and relax his nerves. He decides to paint a portrait of Mickey Mouse, but it ends up looking more like a creepy potato than his friend. Donald flies into an uncontrollable artistic rage and viciously quacks while smashing buckets of paint on his disastrous painting. Mickey comes over to Donald’s studio and can’t stop laughing at the hideous, paint-splattered mess that was supposed to be his portrait. Let’s just say Donald did not find his zen through painting like he had hoped to.
Donald Duck buys tickets to the big football game and is so excited to get good seats. But when he shows up, he discovers his seats are in the absolute last row at the very top of the stadium. Donald angrily storms down to the ticket counter and starts furiously quacking about his outrageously bad seats and demanding they be upgraded. When security drags him away, Donald runs onto the field and tries to steal the ball away from the players during a play! Needless to say, Donald gets banned from the stadium for life.
Donald Duck decides to go on a strict diet so he can finally lose some weight and stop being called “fatso” by his rival Daffy Duck. Donald eats nothing but fruits and vegetables, but the lack of protein makes him lethargic and constantly lightheaded. One day at the grocery store when Donald feels famished and irritable, he reaches the breaking point. Donald runs up and down the aisles frantically stuffing bread and chocolate into his beak before waddling out of the store in a stolen shopping cart! His diet doesn’t last very long after that.
Donald Duck buys a brand new 4K TV for the big football game and invites all his friends over to watch. But as soon as the game starts, the fancy new TV goes black and stops working. Donald completely loses it and goes into an epic temper tantrum, angrily quacking and foaming at the beak. He rips the broken TV off the wall and starts kicking it around his living room. All of Donald’s friends slowly back out of the house, forgetting about the game and fearing for their lives!
Donald Duck takes up boxing to learn to better control his explosive anger. But during his very first lesson, the instructor gently taps Donald on the beak which sends him into a blind rage. Donald starts viciously swinging his gloved fists and quacking with fury, knocking out the instructor in 10 seconds flat. Donald ends up getting kicked out of the class, leaving a trail of devastation in the boxing gym behind him. So much for anger management!
Donald Duck downloads a calming meditation app to try and relax his hot temper. But every time the soothing voice tells Donald to “Release the tension,” he gets furious thinking it’s accusing him of being uptight. Donald screams at his phone and dives at it quacking like a madman. He ends up chucking his phone into the pond which shorts out immediately. Turns out there’s no app that can cure Donald’s explosive rage issues!
