Diabetes Puns (10)
- I tried to make a cake for my friend with diabetes, but they said it was too sweet of me.
- The diabetic superhero goes by the name of Insulin Man. His sidekick is named Sugar Boy.
- My doctor told me to watch my sugar intake, so I fired my personal assistant named Candy.
- I entered a pun contest for people with diabetes, but none of my entries made the cut. The judges said they weren’t punny enough.
- I couldn’t think of a gift for my aunt with diabetes. Everything I came up with was too saccharine.
- I tried to write a song about living with diabetes, but all the lyrics were too syrupy.
- When I go low during a baseball game, I tell my friend to throw me a juice box from the stands. That way I can get some fructose right in the nick of time.
- The optometrist told me I had diabetic retinopathy. I said, “Are you trying to sugarcoat this diagnosis for me?”
- My endocrinologist nickname is Dr. Pepper because he’s always telling me to cut down on soda.
- When I’m feeling hypoglycemic, I like to say, “My sugar is getting low, low, low.”
Diabetes One-liners (10)
- I’m so diabetic that when I pee, I test the toilet water.
- I prick my finger so much, calluses have started to form.
- My blood is basically maple syrup at this point.
- I check my glucose more often than my email.
- I’ve eaten so many glucose tabs, Willy Wonka wants to hire me.
- My endocrinologist said my A1C was great. I said, “Thanks, I grew it myself!”
- Sorry I’m late. I had to change my insulin pump site…for the third time today.
- Me? Obsessed with carbs? I don’t have the energy to fight you on that.
- My antibodies attacked my pancreas, but I swear we’re cool now.
- If my blood sugar gets any higher, I can sell my “sweet nectar” on the black market.
Best Diabetes Jokes (30)
1. I told my doctor, “When I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, it was definitely a shot in the pancreas.”
2. What do you call 365 used needles? A rotten year.
3. How many diabetics does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but she has to wait 15 minutes for her eyes to adjust to the dark.
4. My glucose meter has all its test results saved on it. I told it, “Wow, that’s a lot of data you’re storing. I bet you feel pretty glucometer inside!”
5. My friend with diabetes passed out at the gym. When he woke up surrounded by candy bars, he shouted, “Oh no, did you give me some glucagon?” We replied, “Nah, we just know how much you love Snickers.”
6. What did the mama glucose say to her baby glucose? You’re so sweet!
7. Why does Peter Pan fly? Because he can’t afford insulin.
8. My doctor told me to cut carbs from my diet. I was devastated! Bread and I have such a yeasty relationship.
9. How do you make a diabetic’s blood boil? Remove their insulin pump.
10. What do you call a diabetic wingman? An insulin-wingman.
11. Why don’t lions eat diabetics? Because they taste too sweet.
12. What’s the difference between a pizza and a diabetic? A pizza can feed a family of four.
13. Why didn’t the diabetic go to the rave? Because he had no glucose to burn.
14. Did you hear about the diabetic who robbed a candy store? Police described him as armed and lethargic.
15. Why can’t diabetics be computer hackers? Because they can’t get past the cookies.
16. Why do diabetics make bad Uber drivers? They’re always pulling over for sugar breaks.
17. Did you hear about the diabetic who got arrested? The cop charged him with resisting a vest.
18. Know how to make a diabetic laugh on Saturday night? Check their blood sugar first thing Sunday morning!
19. Why did the diabetic get fired from the M&M factory? For raising the glucose levels.
20. What do you call a diabetic who smokes weed? High glucose.
21. Why can’t Miss America be diabetic? Because then she’d be Miss Injected Insulin.
22. Why was the diabetic’s pants always falling down? Because his blood sugar was low and his belt was on high.
23. What’s a diabetic’s favoritenecklace? An insulin pump around the neck.
24. Why is dark chocolate dangerous for a diabetic? Because it causes them to secreet from their insulins.
25. Why was the diabetic laughing during the horror movie? Because his blood sugar was out of whack.
26. What did one pancreas say to the other pancreas? Let’s secrete insulin and make blood sugar together!
27. How does a diabetic know their blood sugar is too high? Their tears start to taste sweet.
28. Why was the diabetic looking down in the dumps? Because her glucose levels were depressing.
29. What do you call a diabetic who does stand-up comedy? A gluco-comic.
30. Why don’t diabetic kids believe in Santa? Because they’ve never seen magic work in their pancreas.
