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55 Hilarious College Jokes

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55 Hilarious College Jokes

College Puns

  1. I was struggling in my math class at first, but then it clicked – I finally understood algebragebrabra.
  2. My college orientation leader told us, “Make sure to walk on the right side of the hallway.” I replied, “Don’t worry, I’m not that political.”
  3. I started telling chemistry jokes periodically, but only got reactions occasionally.
  4. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
  5. What do you call someone who takes too many philosophy courses? A thinkaholic.
  6. The theater majors put on a fantastic performance of Hamlet. It was dramatic arts and crafts.
  7. The incoming freshmen were lost on campus. I guess they’ll have to map out their classes.
  8. I was struggling in organic chemistry but then it clicked – I finally understood carbon dating.
  9. The biology majors gathered specimens from the lake. It was quite the culture club.
  10. The engineering majors designed a robot that could perform. It was quite the stagecraft.

College One-Liners

  1. My wallet is like my GPA, empty.
  2. I’m not sleeping in class, I’m rehearsing for my nap later.
  3. My bank account is like my attendance record, spotty at best.
  4. Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
  5. I don’t always go to class, but when I do, it’s for the attendance quiz.
  6. My roommate thinks my major is Vocational Napping.
  7. I ran out of coffee this morning and almost had to engage in a productive and meaningful activity.
  8. I don’t procrastinate, I just carefully consider all my options before implementing optimal timing.
  9. I don’t always skip class, but when I do it’s to catch up on sleep.
  10. Coffee isn’t working anymore. I might need to start mainlining Red Bull.

Best College Jokes

21. I was starting my freshman year of college and my mom was giving me advice before I left home. “Remember to eat healthy meals and get enough sleep,” she said. “I know mom,” I replied. She continued, “And don’t forget to do your laundry regularly.” I nodded. “And one more thing,” she said, “No wild parties!” That’s when my dad chimed in, “Actually, go to the wild parties but whatever you do, don’t do your laundry.”

22. I ran into a classmate from last semester on campus. She said she was surprised to see me because I had stopped coming to class weeks ago. I said, “Oh yeah, I’m not actually enrolled this semester. I just sit in on random classes when I feel like it. The professors don’t even notice.” She replied, “I’m literally doing the same thing!”

23. My roommate freshman year was surprised when I came back to the dorm with a puppy. “Pets aren’t allowed in the dorms!” he said. I replied, “It’s fine, I registered him as an emotional support animal. I just had to tell the administration that I get separation anxiety when I’m not around cute, furry creatures.” My roommate shrugged and said, “Huh, maybe I should try registering my pet iguana as an emotional support animal too.”

24. I took an art class last semester hoping for an easy A. On the first day, the professor announced that our entire grade would be based on the final project – a self-portrait done in oil paints. I had never painted before, so I decided to paint a picture of myself napping in class. I got an A on the project and my art professor said it was the most accurate self-portrait he had ever seen!

25. My friend called me with an invitation to a huge party off-campus. I asked him if I needed to bring anything. “Just your student ID,” he said. Confused, I asked why. “For the student discounts of course!” he explained. “I rented out the banquet hall of a hotel and told them it was for a student group event.” Gotta love loopholes!

26. I was dreading an 8am calculus class on my schedule last semester. On the first day, I walked in 10 minutes late clutching a coffee cup. The professor stopped mid-sentence, narrowed his eyes at me and said, “You’re late.” I stared back and calmly replied, “Oh no, YOU’RE early.” I think I made a friend that day.

27. My friends and I were hanging out in the dorm common room when someone’s Alexa started blasting music suddenly. We pleaded with it to stop but it didn’t listen. So we started yelling things like, “Alexa, order 10 pounds of cat litter!” That kept it busy responding while we ran away to find the owner and get them to unplug it.

28. Last week, I got bored during a late-night study session and decided to kill time by covering post-it notes with motivational messages and sticking them all around my dorm building. The next morning, I got a text from a random number that just said, “Whoever put ‘You can do it!’ on the toilet paper dispenser in the 3rd floor bathroom – thank you and also please never do that again.”

29. My roommate freshman year would talk and giggle on the phone loudly every night when I was trying to sleep. After asking politely several times, I lost my patience. The next call, I grabbed his phone mid-conversation and yelled, “JOHN NEEDS TO SLEEP!” then hung up. He was mad but got the message and started taking his calls in the lounge after that.

30. I recently changed my wifi network name to “FBI Van 456.” Now when I look out my dorm window, I see students outside scanning the parking lot nervously. It never gets old.