Black Cat Puns (15)
1. What do you call a black cat who only eats cheese? A brie-ony!
2. Why don’t black cats go fishing? They’re afraid of the catfish!
3. What do you call a black cat who does martial arts? A cat-rate master!
4. Why don’t black cats make good editors? They always insert claw-ses into sentences!
5. What do you call a black cat who works as a chef? A meow-ster chef!
6. Why are black cats so good at trivia games? They have a feline for useless facts!
7. What do you call a black cat who sells flowers? A cat-alily vendor!
8. Why don’t black cats go bowling? They prefer to stay in the cat-tle!
9. What do you call a black cat who works as a lifeguard? A cat-tain!
10. Why do black cats make great builders? They have ex-claw-vating skills!
11. What do you call a black cat who leads an orchestra? A mew-sical director!
12. Why are black cats so good at hide and seek? They’re expert hiders!
13. What do you call a black cat who sells maps? A cat-tographer!
14. Why don’t black cats eat dessert? They prefer the main cat-ree!
15. What do you call a black cat who works as a mechanic? An auto-meow-tive technician!
Black Cat One-Liners (15)
16. I tried to adopt a black cat, but it turned out to be bad luck!
17. My black cat is so lazy, it can’t even catch mice in its dreams!
18. I asked my black cat what 2 + 2 was. It said 4… lives left!
19. Don’t let a black cat cross your path – it might shed all over your clothes!
20. My black cat is such a scaredy-cat, it’s afraid of its own shadow!
21. I wanted to take my black cat camping, but it wasn’t feline it.
22. I tried to teach my black cat to fetch, but it turns out you can’t teach an old cat new tricks.
23. My black cat loves watching horror movies, I think it identifies with the scaredy cats.
24. I wanted to enter my black cat into a talent show, but it didn’t have an act.
25. I tried to get my black cat its own smartphone, but it kept ignoring my calls!
26. I wanted to take my black cat to the vet, but it clawed-sed the carrier shut!
27. My black cat loves sleeping all day – it must be feline tired!
28. I tried to get my black cat to chase a laser pointer, but it just wasn’t into the cat and mouse game.
29. I wanted to take my black cat hiking, but it wasn’t adventure cats material.
30. My black cat loves watching cat videos on the internet – I guess it likes to watch its own kind!
Best Black Cat Jokes (25)
31. A black cat walked into a bar and ordered a shot of milk. The bartender said, “We don’t serve drinks to big black scary cats!” The cat hissed and said, “I happen to be a very nice cat, now give me my milk!”
32. A man was worried that his black cat was possessed by an evil spirit since it would often stare at him with wide, unblinking eyes. He decided to take it to a priest to have it exorcised. However, when he arrived, the priest took one look at the cat and said, “That is not possessed, it’s just a cat!”
33. A black cat, a white cat, and an orange cat were having a debate about which one was the best kind of cat. The black cat said, “Black cats are obviously the best – we’re so sleek, mysterious and elegant!” The white cat said, “No way, white cats are the best – we’re so pure, angelic and photogenic!” The orange cat just shrugged and said, “I don’t know guys, I’m just glad I’m not a black or white cat – those cats never seem to have much luck!”
34. A little girl begged her parents for a black kitten for her birthday. On the day of her birthday, her parents surprised her with a tiny black kitten in a box. The girl eagerly lifted the kitten out of the box, only to find that it had no back legs. “Oh no!” she cried. “What happened to its legs?” Her mother sighed and said, “Well dear, black cats always come with a few superstitions…”
35. A black cat, a white cat, and a grey cat were having an argument about which coat color was the most stealthy for sneaking around at night without being seen. The white cat said, “Obviously white is the most stealthy – I blend right in with the moonlight.” The grey cat said, “No way, grey is the most stealthy since I blend in with the shadows.” The black cat just laughed at them both and said, “Amateurs! Black blends in with everything at night!”
36. What do you get if you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour-puss!
37. How can you tell when a black cat is angry? It sees red!
38. What’s a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple!
39. Why don’t black cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs!
40. Did you hear about the black cat that swallowed a ball of yarn? She had mittens!
41. What do you call a black cat that gets its claws stuck in your pants? Shredded jeans!
42. Why are vampires like black cats? They both dislike stakes!
43. Why did the cat run away from the tree? It was afraid of the bark!
44. What do you get when you cross a cat with a dark void? A black hole!
45. How do cats end a fight? They hiss and make up!
46. Did you hear about the cat who ate a ball of wool? She had mittens!
47. What do you call a cat that gets anything it wants? Purr-suasive!
48. What do cats use to fix their broken bones? Meow-st casts!
49. Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had kittens!
50. Why don’t black cats make good storytellers? They only have one tale!
51. What do you call a litter of kittens born in the snow? A cat-astrophe!
52. Why don’t black cats cheat on tests? Because they don’t want to get caught cribbing!
53. What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
54. What do you get if you cross a chick with a black cat? A peck on the cheek!
55. A black cat and a white cat were arguing about which one was purr-fect. The black cat said, “Black cats are obviously purr-fect, we’re so mysterious and elegant!” The white cat argued, “No way, white cats are purr-fect, we’re so angelic and photogenic!” They kept fighting until a spotted cat walked up and said, “No no, you’ve both got it wrong – spotted cats like me are the most purr-fect!”
