America Puns (12)
1. I heard America likes to eat a lot of fast food. They must have a quick metabolism!
2. America is obsessed with entertainment media. I guess you could say they’re a nation of procrastinators!
3. America loves convenience foods that are easy to prepare. You could say they’re a country of microwave-obsessed people!
4. America is really into coffee. You could say they practically run on caffeine!
5. America seems to love fried foods. They must be crispy critters!
6. America has a lot of retail businesses. They’re clearly a nation of shopaholics!
7. America is really into social media. I guess they just can’t log off!
8. America loves to drive everywhere. They must have roads on the brain!
9. America enjoys a lot of meat in their diet. You could call them a bunch of carnivores!
10. America is obsessed with big portions. I guess bigger is always better to them!
11. America loves watching sports on TV. They’re practically fanatics!
12. America uses a lot of electricity. They must have a high power bill!
America One-Liners (15)
13. America loves donuts almost as much as they love freedom.
14. America runs on coffee, credit cards, and crankiness in the morning.
15. America – where your blood type is cheeseburger positive.
16. America – where road rage and reality shows rule.
17. The two seasons in America: football season and waiting for football season.
18. America – where you can look across the street and see your identical twin.
19. America – home of supersized meals and supersized people to go with them.
20. The American dream: Owning 17 cars and having a house the size of a shopping mall.
21. America – where there’s no problem a Big Gulp can’t solve.
22. America – land of the processed, home of the sodium-packed.
23. America – where wearing yoga pants counts as exercise.
24. America – where road rage should be considered an Olympic sport.
25. The two food groups in America: deep fried and smothered in cheese.
26. America – land of the 24-hour donut shops and 24-hour waistline expansion.
27. America – where yourHonda Civic has more horsepower than a Ferrari.
Best America Jokes (28)
28. What do you call an American with a PhD in math? A foreign exchange student.
29. How do you get an American to laugh on Monday? Tell them a joke on Friday.
30. Why don’t Americans travel abroad more? They’re afraid they’ll fall off the edge of their world map.
31. How can you tell when an American is lying? Their lips are moving.
32. How do you confuse an American? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
33. Why are Americans bad at chess? They lost two towers.
34. What’s the difference between America and milk? Milk comes in gallons, America comes in texans.
35. What do American beer and having sex in a canoe have in common? They are both f*cking close to water.
36. How do you get Americans to join a World War? Tell them it’s almost finished.
37. Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships? So when they come back to port they can Scandinavian.
38. Why do Americans like dumb politicians? It makes them feel closer to them.
39. What’s the difference between America and a cup of yogurt? If you leave the yogurt alone for 200 years it will develop a culture.
40. How do you sink an American submarine? Knock on the door and tell them you’re delivering a pizza.
41. Why does the Norwegian Navy put barcodes on the sides of their ships? So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian!
42. How do you confuse an American? Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.
43. What’s the difference between American beer and having sex in a canoe? They’re both f*cking close to water!
44. What do American beer and having sex in a canoe have in common? They’re both f*cking close to water!
45. How do you get an American to laugh on Monday? Tell them a joke on Friday.
46. Why are Americans bad at chess? They lost two towers.
47. Why do Americans like dumb politicians? It makes them feel closer to them.
48. What’s the difference between America and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops culture.
49. Why don’t Americans travel abroad more? They’re afraid they’ll fall off the edge of their flat world map.
50. How do you sink an American submarine? Knock on the door and tell them you’re delivering a pizza.
51. What do you call an American with a PhD in math? A foreign exchange student.
52. Why are Americans bad at League of Legends? They can’t defend their towers.
53. What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts. Because six already died in failed missions.
54. How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they prefer to sit in the dark and blame the Democrats.
55. What’s the difference between the USA and a bottle of milk? A bottle of milk has a culture.
