Zucchini Puns
1. I tried to make a zucchini smoothie, but it was too mushy and green for my taste. I guess I’m just not a fan of the cu-zine.
2. My friend got frustrated trying to grow zucchinis in his garden. I told him to just squash his worries and keep trying.
3. I accidentally dropped a zucchini on my foot and hurt my toe. I guess I shouldn’t have been carrying all that produce around barefoot.
4. I was telling my friend about all the zucchinis in my garden, but he didn’t seem impressed. I guess my story was a bit bland.
5. My shoes were covered in mud after working in the garden, so I grabbed a zucchini to clean them up. I guess you could say I gave myself a quick veggie shine.
6. I entered my giant zucchini in the county fair, but it didn’t win first prize. I guess size really doesn’t matter when it comes to gourd-geous produce.
7. I accidentally left a bag of zucchinis on my counter overnight. The next morning they were all mushy and brown. It was a real squash casserole.
8. I was pulling weeds in my garden when suddenly a zucchini fell off the vine and bonked me on the head. I guess I got a little concussed by the produce.
9. My roommate left her zucchini bread baking in the oven too long. When she took it out, it was burnt to a crisp. I guess she got a little too toasted while studying.
10. I decided to carve a jack-o-lantern out of a zucchini for Halloween this year. It turned out pretty good, but man was it hard hollowing out all that seedy squash!
Zucchini One-Liners
11. I’m sorry for always talking about gardening. I’ll try to squash it.
12. Trust me, size doesn’t matter when it comes to zucchinis.
13. They say zucchinis are 95% water. The other 5% is seeds.
14. Zucchinis may be green on the outside but they’re all yellow on the inside.
15. The only thing spreading faster than COVID was my neighbor’s invasive zucchini plants.
16. If you love something, set it free. Unless it’s zucchinis, then toss those bad boys in a stir fry.
17. They say too much zucchini bread will go straight to your thighs. And I say bring it on.
18. You know it’s summer when everyone is trying to pawn off their surplus zucchinis.
19. Zucchinis may be versatile, but they’ll never achieve their true purpose: mozzarella sticks.
20. They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Personally I find shoving a zucchini in there works too.
Best Zucchini Jokes
21. Last week my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I wanted any of the extra zucchinis from her garden. I politely declined, but she must not have heard me because this morning I woke up to find a dozen zucchinis lined up on my doorstep. I guess she really wanted me to have them! At this rate, I’m worried I might zucchini to death.
22. My husband decided to enter the largest zucchini contest at the county fair this year. He’s been growing a single zucchini in the garden for months now, feeding it vitamins and playing classical music to help it grow. Yesterday it finally reached the size of a small dog so he decided it was ready. I helped him carefully transport it to the fair in a wagon padded with blankets. Well, it turns out everyone else had the same idea because the winning zucchini was over 4 feet long! My husband was crushed, so to make him feel better I told him size doesn’t matter and his zucchini looked so much tastier anyway.
23. The funniest thing happened when I was making a zucchini lasagna last night. As I was layering the slices in the pan, I absentmindedly started singing “The Zucchini Song” but replacing zucchini with lasagna. “Lasagna, lasagna, you’re the one for meeee…” My husband thought I had totally lost it! Now he keeps walking around the house singing it too. I guess my made up tune really made an impression! There are certainly worse things to have stuck in your head.
24. Last weekend I agreed to run a booth at the farmer’s market to help my parents get rid of some of their extra zucchinis. For hours I stood there trying to convince people to buy the green monsters. “Fresh zucchinis for sale! Best price in town!” I shouted. A few people took pity on me and grabbed one or two, but most just glanced my way before hurrying past. By the end of the day, I was desperate. As a man walked by, I thrust a zucchini into his hands and yelled “Please take this zucchini, I’m begging you! I’ll even pay you a dollar if you take it off my hands!” The man looked shocked but happily walked away with his free veggie and cash. My parents were cracking up, but at least I didn’t have to go home with any leftover zucchinis!
25. When my wife first started gardening, she decided to plant far more zucchini seeds than we would ever need. I warned her that they grow like crazy, but she just dismissed my advice. Well, a few months later our tiny backyard was completely overrun! We had giant zucchinis coming out of our ears. There was no way we could eat or even give away that much squash. I came home from work one day to find my wife frantically hacking away at the vines with a hoe, screaming “Die zucchini, die!” She had clearly reached her zucchini breaking point. From then on, she only planted a couple vines each year. Lesson learned!
26. My friends invited me over for dinner last week and served a fancy meal with all sorts of exotic dishes I had never tried before. After we had filled our plates, I took my first bite and immediately knew something was very off. The texture was all wrong and the flavor was just indescribably weird. As I forced myself to swallow, my friend started laughing. Turns out the “unique protein” I had eaten was actually zucchini noodles cleverly shaped to look like spaghetti! Those sneaky vegans tricked me good. I have to admit, they really nailed the texture of actual pasta. But next time, I’ll pass on the zoodles!
27. Yesterday my neighbor rang my doorbell first thing in the morning, so I rushed to answer it, worried something might be wrong. But instead of an emergency, she just held out a colossal zucchini and asked “Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” Then she burst out laughing at her own joke. I was so relieved nothing was actually wrong that I ended up buying a box of cookies and the zucchini! The whole interaction gave me a good chuckle and now I have cookies and a couple weeks worth of zucchini bread. Not a bad way to start the day if you ask me.
28. My wife and I went out for our anniversary dinner at a real upscale restaurant. I ordered the fancy steak meal while she chose the vegetarian lasagna. When our food arrived, the waiter placed two covered dishes in front of us with a flourish. As we lifted the lids, we discovered they had both accidentally been filled with sliced zucchini! A pretty big mistake for a high-end restaurant! We both looked at each other for a second before just shrugging and digging in. Gotta say, that garlicky lemon zucchini wasn’t bad at all. Not how we expected to celebrate, but still an anniversary dinner we’ll never forget!
29. The first time my mom served zucchini casserole at a family dinner, my cousin Steve took one bite and immediately started gagging dramatically. “This is terrible!” he yelled between fake gags. “It tastes like sweaty socks and garbage water!” My grandmother was furious that he was insulting my mom’s cooking like that. But just as she was about to scold Steve, he looked up with a giant grin on his face and declared, “Just kidding! This is delicious and I want seconds!” The whole family roared with laughter. I guess almost giving my grandma a heart attack was worth it for Steve to pull off his little zucchini casserole prank.
30. When I was a kid, my family grew zucchinis in our backyard vegetable garden every summer. One year we ended up with such an enormous crop that we couldn’t even give them all away to neighbors and friends. My brother and I would pretend the extra zucchinis were lightsabers and have epic Star Wars battles, hacking away at each other through the yard. At one point my brother got a little too into character and accidentally whacked me right in the head with a giant zucchini, leaving a big bruise! I decided sticks and imaginary weapons were safer after that. But looking back, those crazy zucchini sword fights were some of my favorite childhood memories.
31. Last Halloween, my roommate decided to decorate our front porch with creative carved vegetables instead of the usual jack-o-lanterns. He made a ghost out of an onion, a mummy from a potato, and a zombie from a massive zucchini. They actually looked pretty impressive! But after trick-or-treaters kept knocking over and smashing the vegetable sculptures he worked so hard on, he eventually lost it. I walked outside to find him furiously stomping on the remains of the zucchini zombie, cursing and muttering “Take that you stupid squash!” Maybe next year I’ll encourage him to stick to pumpkins…
32. When I first met my girlfriend’s parents, we all went out for breakfast together at the local diner. I was pretty nervous and wanted to make a good impression, so I ordered a veggie omelette thinking it was a nice, safe option. But when the food came out, I discovered my omelette was absolutely stuffed with tons of sauteed zucchini. As I struggled through eating as much as I politely could, I also rambled on way too much about how “amazing” and “delicious” the zucchini omelette was. Now every time we visit, my girlfriend’s parents always pointlessly add extra zucchini to whatever they cook just to tease me. I created an omelette-filled monster!
33. For my sister’s bridal shower last month, the guests decided to play a funny version of the Newlywed Game about the bride and groom-to-be. The most ridiculous moment happened when someone asked my shy brother-in-law-to-be what odd food his fiancee would pick if she could only eat one thing for the rest of her life. After hesitating awkwardly for a minute, he finally blurted out “zucchinis?” as if it were more of a question than answer. My sister shook her head in exasperation and yelled “It’s obviously pizza and you know it!” Apparently being put on the spot made him blank on his bride’s favorite food, but we all got a good laugh at zucchinis being the first thing to come to mind.
34. Last summer, my teenage son became completely obsessed with trying to grow a record-breaking zucchini in our backyard. That thing took over the whole garden. By August, it was easily 4 feet long but he refused to pick it, insisting it could become even more gigantic. Everyday he’d go out and measure it, confident it was still growing. My husband and I started calling it “Kyle’s Monster Zucchini.” Finally one morning, he came running into the kitchen, all upset because his zucchini was gone! Apparently some wild animals had snuck in during the night and nibbled the end off the vine. We never did find any remains of the monster squash. Kyle was heartbroken, but honestly I was just glad to have my garden back!
35. When my mom heard on the news that scientists had created a genetically modified zucchini that glowed in the dark, she wouldn’t stop talking about how cool it was. She went on and on, saying how she wished she could buy some “to light up her garden.” When April Fool’s Day rolled around, my brother and I decided to prank her. We bought a big zucchini and carefully injected the ridges with glow stick liquid. Then we left it on the kitchen counter that night. Around midnight, my mom shuffled into the kitchen for a drink and spotted the “glowing” zucchini, which she swore was pulsing with neon light! The next day, my brother and I revealed our fun April Fool’s trick. We all got a good laugh, but I think Mom was a tiny bit disappointed that glowing zucchinis aren’t actually real.
36. Last week I was tasked with bringing a healthy vegetable platter to a family party. My husband kept suggesting I pick up some fresh zucchini, but I waved him off and said I would find something better. The morning of the party, I realized I had completely forgotten about the veggie platter! In a panic, I rushed to the store only to find they had nothing left except a few sad looking zucchinis. So I begrudgingly bought them, sliced them up, and arranged them on a tray. Of course the second I set it down, my husband immediately started smirking and whispered “I told you so” about the zucchini. I wanted to smack him with a piece but he was right – at least it was better than no vegetables at all!
37. My niece is such a picky eater. The only vegetable she will willingly eat is zucchini. My sister takes full advantage of this rare veggie obsession by sneaking extra zucchini into everything – zucchini brownies, zucchini pizza, even zucchini pancakes! I pulled my sister aside yesterday and said seriously, “You know you can’t just zucchini your problems away.” We both cracked up at my dumb joke. But I did suggest maybe adding a second vegetable into the mix eventually…baby steps!
38. The other night, my wife and I had a romantic, home-cooked dinner planned. I grabbed a zucchini from the garden to make baked zucchini fries as an appetizer. But when I went to cut into it at the kitchen counter, the zucchini exploded all over me! It was apparently so overripe that the pressure built up inside and caused it to burst. I was absolutely covered in mushy zucchini guts. My wife couldn’t stop laughing even as she helped clean me up. So much for a romantic evening – at least it gave us a funny story to tell!
39. When I was nine years old, my older cousin dared me to eat an entire raw zucchini in under five minutes at our family reunion. All the adults told him to stop trying to force me, which only made me more determined to prove I could do it. I grabbed the biggest zucchini from the vegetable platter and shoved the whole thing in my mouth. With sauce dripping down my chin, I somehow managed to gnaw my way through the entire massive squash in time. I felt so sick after, but I won the dare! Of course now I know that was a pretty dangerous and disgusting thing to do. Maybe that’s why zucchinis still make me feel a little queasy.
40. I recently toured an elementary school classroom and noticed the class pet was a little brown gerbil named Zucchini. One of the kids explained that Zucchini loves hiding in the shredded paper they use as bedding in his cage. Throughout the day, they’ll call out “Where’s Zucchini?” and wait for him to pop out of the fluff. Then the students cheer “There he is!” before he burrows back under. I have to admit, Zucchini is a pretty cute and clever little classroom pet. That zucchini-loving gerbil really seems to make learning fun!
More Zucchini Jokes
41. My grandpa loves growing zucchinis in his garden almost as much as he loves telling long, rambling stories that never seem to get to the point. Yesterday he spent 45 minutes explaining every detail about his zucchini plants while I nodded politely. Finally he got to the climax of the story: “And that’s why my zucchinis are so enormous this year!” I never did figure out what the reason was, but I guess his green thumb secret will have to remain a mystery.
42. I saw my neighbor sprinting down the street frantically waving a zucchini over her head. Concerned something was very wrong, I stopped her to ask what was going on. She explained that she accidentally left her garage door open and couldn’t find her cat anywhere. So she grabbed the zucchini as a distraction technique, hoping the cat would come running for a nibble so she could catch him. Unfortunately she had no luck finding the feline, even with the tempting veggie bait. But she did give the neighbors a funny story to talk about!
43. Last weekend I agreed to watch my sister’s kids while she was out of town. She said they love helping in the kitchen, so I decided we’d make a zucchini lasagna. Those little rascals got into a full-on food fight within 5 minutes! By the end, there was shredded zucchini