Zebra Puns (15)
1. Why do zebras make terrible lawyers? They’re always black and white about everything!
2. I got fired from the zoo for painting the zebras. Apparently it goes against their stripe policy.
3. Did you hear about the zebra that got arrested? He was charged with impersonating a pedestrian.
4. Why don’t zebras ever get colds? They’re immune to the zebra flu.
5. I entered my zebra in a horse race and it came in first! I guess you could say it won by a long shot.
6. What do you call a gathering of zebras? A herd of stripes.
7. Why are zebras the most skeptical animals on the savannah? Because they’re always black and white thinkers.
8. Why did the zebra get bad grades in school? He could only think in black and white.
9. What do you call a zebra that can play guitar? An axe-bra!
10. I tried to sell my zebra online but had no luck. There just wasn’t enough of a market.
11. Why don’t zebras need jobs? Their full-time gig is not getting eaten.
12. What do you call a sleeping zebra? A zzzz-bra.
13. How does a zebra cook dinner? On a striped skillet!
14. Did you hear about the Chihuahua who fell in love with a zebra? It was stripes over spots!
15. What do you call a zebra who works as a gardener? An herbivore.
Zebra One-Liners (10)
16. I tried to fool my teacher by bringing a zebra to show-and-tell and claiming it was a horse, but she saw right through my elaborate stripes.
17. They say you can’t change a zebra’s stripes, so I painted polka dots on mine instead.
18. I wanted to keep a pet zebra, but the city has a strict “no exotic animals” policy.
19. I thought I saw a zebra rolling down the street, but it turned out to just be an escaped convict in prison stripes.
20. If you ever feel useless, just remember that zebras have windshield wipers on their eyeballs.
21. I entered my zebra in a horse race, but it got disqualified for improper stripes.
22. Zebras and tigers should never date because they just aren’t compatibra.
23. I painted black stripes on my white horse to see if anyone would notice it wasn’t a real zebra. They did.
24. Zebras may be black and white on the outside, but we’re all gray on the inside.
25. I saw an advertisement for “Zebra rides, $10.” Turns out it was just a white horse with black stripes painted on.
Best Zebra Jokes (22)
26. A zebra dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells him, “Sorry, we don’t allow wild animals – you’ll have to go to animal heaven.” So the zebra goes to animal heaven, walks up to the gates, and is greeted by St. Francis of Assisi. St. Francis says “I’m sorry, but we’ve never had a zebra here before. We just don’t know what to do with you. Tell you what – go talk to God and ask him what to do.” So the zebra goes up to God and asks “Lord, I’m a zebra. St. Peter said I couldn’t get into regular heaven, and St. Francis sent me to you to ask what to do.” God looks at the zebra and says “Hmm, that’s a tough one. Wait here, I’ll be right back.” God goes away for a few minutes, comes back, looks at the zebra and says “I tell you what – we’re going to let you in through the pearly gates for now. But when you get inside, please just make yourself a little less conspicuous.” The zebra replies “Sure thing, boss. You want me to be a little less brazen?”
27. A zebra, an orangutan and a heffalump walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them suspiciously and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”
28. Why did the zebra cross the road? To get to the zebra crossing.
29. What do you get when you cross a moose with a zebra? A big ol’ moozbra.
30. A horse and a zebra are chatting at the watering hole. The zebra says “You know, we’re almost exactly alike, except for one small difference.” The horse says “Yeah, the difference is that I’m actually useful to humans.” The zebra responds “Hey, that stripes a nerve!”
31. What’s black and white and laughable all over? A herd of giggling zebras.
32. Why was the zebra late to work? He lost his car keys and had to spend hours looking through the zillions of stripes in his lair.
33. What sound does a zebra make when it sneezes? Ah… ah… achabra!
34. Why are zebras known for being condescending? They always have to talk down to people from their high horse.
35. A zebra walks into a restaurant and orders the house special. The waiter brings out a succulent hay burger. The zebra takes one bite and says “Thanks, but no thanks. I didn’t order this!” The waiter apologizes profusely and takes the meal back. Five minutes later he returns with another hay burger on the plate. The zebra is indignant. “What is your problem? I just told you I didn’t order this!” The exasperated waiter explains: “I’m very sorry sir, but as you can see, we’re short staffed tonight. There’s no need to be upset, though – it’s not like this is the worst case of mistaken identity.” The zebra shakes his head and replies “Actually, it kind of is.”
36. Why did the zebra quit his job at the fast food restaurant? He didn’t want to deal with the daily grind.
37. Why are zebras terrible at playing hide and seek? Because wherever they go, they stick out like a sore thumb!
38. What do you call a herd of zebras running a marathon? The Stripey Streakers!
39. How do you organize a wild zebra party? Just invite a bunch of friends over and wing it!
40. Why did the zebra get sent to his room? Because he was being a little too stripesy.
41. What do you get when you cross a zebra with a computer? A screensaver!
42. Why did the zebra refuse to get dressed in the morning? She didn’t want to put on her stripey shirt.
43. Why are zebras so good at trivia? They’re always studying their black and white facts.
44. What’s the zebra’s favorite sport? Horseball!
45. Why was the zebra voted “most likely to succeed” in high school? Because he really earned his stripes.
46. Why do zebras make great social media influencers? They know how to engage an audience and drive up their follower stripes.
47. Why did the zebra’s friends throw him a surprise party? Because he was turning 50 stripes old!
