Winter Puns
1. I wanted to tell a chemistry joke, but all the good ones Argon.
2. What do snowmen eat? Icebergers!
3. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite!
4. I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
5. What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle!
6. Why was the snowman looking through the carrots? He was picking his nose!
7. What do you get when you cross a werewolf with frost? A brrrr-wolf!
8. How do baseball players stay warm during games? They sit by their bats!
9. How do you fix a broken pumpkin? With a pumpkin patch!
10. How do trees get on the internet? They just log on!
11. Why are ghosts bad at lying? Because you can see right through them!
12. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
13. What did one icicle say to the other? Watch out for the drip down there!
14. Why was the baby ant so stressed? Because his mom was always on his ant-ers!
15. Why can’t Elsa from Frozen have a balloon? Because she will let it go, let it go!
Winter One-Liners
16. I went to the freezer to grab a cold one and got frostbite instead.
17. My snowman started talking to me. I think I’m having a meltdown.
18. Who does Frosty call when he breaks his arm? The snowmobile.
19. I slipped on ice today. Winter has arrived without my con-skating.
20. Freezing temperatures turned my leather gloves into mittens.
21. After the blizzard, everything was white—it was a real brain-flurry.
22. My car wouldn’t start after the snowstorm—it gave me the cold shoulder.
23. Shoveling snow is exhausting. I’m ready for a nap-sicle.
24. The forecast called for flurries, but I got stuck in a complete white-out.
25. My dog ate all the snow and started walking with a chill in his step.
Best Winter Jokes
26. It was so cold outside that I actually saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
27. I love telling dad jokes, even though sometimes he doesn’t laugh. I guess he’s just not a fan of cold humor.
28. My friend got frostbite after making a snow angel for too long. She should have quit while she was ahead.
29. I accidentally brought my 401k statement outside and it froze. Now my retirement is on ice.
30. I ordered a gluten-free meal on my flight but instead got an ice-cold stare from the flight attendant.
31. My date said she was feeling a bit chilly, so I offered her my jacket. Unfortunately, that just jacked up the awkwardness between us.
32. I entered an ice sculpting contest but got cold feet once I started chiseling. Now my dreams of winning are shattered.
33. I was going to make hot chocolate but got distracted looking for marshmallows. Now I’m just staring into cold, frothy space.
34. I bought thermal underwear to stay warm, but it ended up giving me cold feet.
35. My friend got into knitting scarves. She’s really wrapped up in her hobby.
36. I slipped on the icy sidewalk and spilled my hot chocolate. My pride was hurt more than my tailbone.
37. I loved sledding as a kid. There was nothing like the winter breeze blowing through my frosted tips.
38. Shoveling snow is my least favorite chore. It always leaves me out in the cold.
39. I entered an ice fishing contest, but didn’t catch anything. I was hoping for some cooler prizes.
40. I tried to build an igloo but it was a total snow-go. Next time I’ll stick to snowmen.
41. I bought a new parka but wasn’t happy with it. I decided to return it and get my snow money back.
42. My favorite winter Olympic event is the luge. It looks like a total sled-for-all.
43. I slipped on the ice and spilled hot soup all over myself. Now I’m just a chicken noodle groan.
44. Shoveling out my car makes me meltdown and go into a snow rage.
45. I hate being cold so I drink coffee by the gallon. You could say I have a latte problems.
46. My car windshield was frosted over this morning. It gave me the cold shoulder when I tried to scrape it off.
47. I bought handwarmers but they didn’t work at all. I got ripped off and received a raw deal.
48. Freezing rain left a coat of ice on the roads. It turned my commute into a slip ‘n slide.
49. I love freshly fallen snow, especially when it lands on my neighbor’s driveway instead of mine.
50. My wife asked me to clear off the car this morning. I gave her a frosty look.
51. I bought new boots to go snowshoeing but they gave me blisters. Next time I’ll break them in before I trek.
52. My furnace went out last night. The repairman charged me an arm and a leg to fix it.
53. I slipped on some black ice and faceplanted into a snowbank. It was a total ice-olation situation.
54. My fingers go numb when I’m outside for too long. It’s very hard to text with frostbitten thumbs.
55. I was late to work because I had to warm up my car for 30 minutes. My boss gave me the cold shoulder.
56. Our water pipes froze and burst – now the plumber is giving us the cold hard facts about repair costs.
57. My dog loves frolicking in the snow but tracking paw prints inside is my least favorite part about winter.
58. I thought my new gloves were waterproof but after 30 minutes outside my hands were frozen blocks of ice.
59. My car wouldn’t start after the polar vortex – I had to take an Uber and it cost me a small fortune.
60. I was excited for the first snowfall but instead it was just an icy mix that made roads dangerously slick.
61. Freezing rain encased my car in a block of ice – it was a real pane scraping it off this morning.
62. I slipped down my front steps and landed on my butt in the snow. My pride was damaged more than my tailbone.
63. Shoveling snow after a huge storm is the worst. I always throw my back out and get stuck couch-ridden for days.
64. Every winter I vow to move somewhere warm but never follow through. Maybe this year I’ll finally migrate south.
