Water Puns
1. I wanted to make my water glass look fancy, so I added some H2Ohhh.
2. Why was the lake so popular? It had a lot of water under the bridge.
3. The band wasn’t sure about playing at the water park. But they decided to just go with the flow.
4. The plumber was surprised when he turned on the faucet and money came out. It was a liquid asset.
5. The pilot had to make an emergency landing on the lake. It was a water landing.
6. I entered a swimming race, but I got tide.
7. The lake threw a party. It was byo-water.
8. I wanted to swim in freezing water. My friends said I was being abseird.
9. The kids loved playing near the fountain. They had a splash.
10. The band played at the water park again. It was a re-flow performance.
11. Did you hear about the new water ride? It has lots of twists and turns.
12. I’m reading a book about an evil water bottle. It’s hydro-horror.
Water One-Liners
13. I spilled water on my computer. Now it’s having a meltdown.
14. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything.
15. I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
16. What did the ocean say to the sailboat? Nothing, it just waved.
17. A boiled egg in the morning is really hard to beat.
18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
19. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
20. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
21. Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He didn’t get hurt because it was a soft drink.
22. Why can’t bicycles stand up on their own? Because they’re two-tired.
Best Water Jokes
23. A woman was struggling to get her suitcase closed. Her husband said, “Did you remember to check the pool?” The wife opened the suitcase to see their daughter soaking wet inside. She had forgotten to take her out of the pool before packing.
24. A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of water. The bartender pulled out a shotgun and pointed it at the man. The man said, “Thank you.” and promptly left. He just wanted to check if the bar had soft drinks.
25. John went on a date to the county fair. They were having a good time until his date wanted to go on the log flume ride. John was scared of water. But he didn’t want to look afraid in front of his date so he agreed. As soon as the log plunged down the slope, John started screaming. After the ride, his date asked why he was so scared. John replied, “That last drop was too much. It made me fall for you.”
26. The lifeguard had to save a drowning man the other day. When he got to him the man said, “Thank you so much! Is there anything I can do to repay you?” The lifeguard replied, “Just try to avoid too much strenuous activity for the next few days.” The man agreed and they went their separate ways. The next day, the lifeguard had to rescue the same man again. After bringing him ashore the lifeguard said, “I thought I told you to avoid strenuous activity!” The man replied, “I tried! But I just couldn’t!”
27. Why don’t skeletons ever go swimming? Because they don’t have any guts.
28. I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.
29. How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
30. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
31. Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two tired.
32. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
33. Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind, it’s tearable.
34. I knew I shouldn’t steal a mixer from the store but it whisked away from me.
35. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
36. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
37. I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
38. Did you hear about the guy who got hit with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
39. Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected fowl play.
40. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
41. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
42. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
43. I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time consuming.
44. A termite walks into a bar and asks, “Hey, is the bar tender here?”
45. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.
46. I went to buy camouflage pants but I couldn’t find any.
47. What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.
48. I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like 0mg…
49. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
50. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
Water Puns
51. The lake was pretty busy today. There was a lot going on under the water surface.
52. I asked the lake how it was feeling. It said “No waves!”
53. The water cooler had to take a sick day. It wasn’t feeling well.
54. Did you hear about the fight between the waterfall and the cliff? It was intense!
55. Why did the ocean get arrested? For illegal sea activities.
56. The river was feeling drained and tired. It really needed a break.
57. I wanted to tell my pond some jokes to cheer it up. But none of them made a splash.
58. The competitive swimmer lost the race because his stroke wasn’t long enough.
59. The bottle of water went to get its hair done at the salon. It wanted a new style to look condensation-al.
60. The lake hosted a party and was surprised when the fountain was the first to show up. It’s usually a little bubbly.
Water One-Liners
61. I entered myself into a water drinking contest. Now I’m in over my head.
62. The ocean during a storm is quite concerning. It’s making a lot of waves.
63. I thought about going swimming today. But maybe I’ll just dip my toe in.
64. The boat couldn’t cross the river because there was too much water under the bridge.
65. Be kind to your fridge. It’s coutnless drops of water make the might ocean.
66. Don’t trust the tap water. It’s up to something.
67. I tried to swim across the lake but I only made it halfway. That’s my current situation.
68. The bottle of water was embarrassed to be seen without its label on.
69. I entered a water gun fight unarmed. Now I’m in over my head.
70. I thought about paddle boarding today. But I decided to walk the plank on that idea.
Best Water Jokes
71. John went fishing with some friends on a lake. After a few hours with no luck, his friend got a bite and reeled in a big fish. He put it in a cooler to keep it fresh. A little while later, John felt a tug on his line and reeled in an even bigger fish. His friend said “Wow! Look at the size of that one. This calls for a picture.” As John held up the fish, his friend grabbed the cooler and ran away. John yelled “Are you kidding me? That’s the second time today you’ve taken my catch and made off with the cooler!”
72. A group of navy officers were playing poker one night when a lieutenant won a large pot with only a pair of twos. The other officers jokingly accused him of cheating and demanded he dump the cards in the nearby bucket of water to erase any markings. The lieutenant agreed, but when he pulled the cards back out, they were bone dry. One officer said “How is that possible?” The lieutenant replied “Ever heard of water on the Knees?”
73. Bob was nervous about his first skydiving lesson. As they flew up in the plane, the instructor explained the process step-by-step to calm his nerves. But when they opened the door, Bob froze up and couldn’t jump out. So the instructor pushed him out to get him going. After landing roughly in the water below, Bob stormed over to his instructor and yelled “What did you do that for???” The instructor replied, “I’m sorry, I just assumed you would want to go with the flow.”
74. Sally went on a first date with Paul to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, Paul excused himself from the table to use the restroom. But 20 minutes went by and he still hadn’t returned. Finally Sally flagged down the waiter and asked if he would check on her date. A few minutes later the waiter came back laughing and said he found Paul stuck in the bathroom window trying to escape without paying his half of the bill. Sally was so shocked and angry that she immediately threw a glass of water in Paul’s face when he returned. Needless to say, their relationship went down the drain after that.
75. A lawyer was cross examining a witness on the stand and asked “Is it true that you didn’t actually see my client commit the crime since you admitted your glasses were off?” The witness calmly replied “Yes my glasses were off as I was swimming laps in the community pool, but I saw him plain as day.”
Water Puns
76. I wanted to tell the lake some jokes to cheer it up but none of them made a splash.
77. I tried to convince the lazy river at the waterpark to move faster. But you can’t rush a stream.
78. The competitive swimmer lost the race because his stroke just wasn’t long enough.
79. I asked the fountain if it wanted to hear a joke. It said “No thanks, I’m not in the mood for wisecracks today.”
80. Did you hear about the fight between the waterfall and the cliff? It was intense!
81. The river was feeling drained and tired. It really needed a break.
82. The water slide said it was having an identity crisis and felt like it was going downhill.
83. Spring break is coming up and I can’t wait to sea more of my friends.
84. The lake was pretty busy today. There was a lot going on under the water surface.