Wall Puns
1. I wanted to paint my wall yellow, but now I have huge regrets. I don’t think I can get over it.
2. If you don’t pay attention to the warning signs, you might hit a wall. Just make sure you don’t run into any concrete problems.
3. My friend got angry and punched a hole in the wall. I told him to control his temper tantrums before he brings the whole house down.
4. I entered my house and something felt different. Then it hit me – my roommate redecorated and moved the wall!
5. I’m thinking of wallpapering my house with math equations. That way I can work on the walls while I’m staring at them trying to fall asleep.
6. The Great Wall of China is pretty long. You could even say it goes on and on and on. It just doesn’t seem to end.
7. My wall tried to run away from home, but it didn’t get far before I caught it and plastered it back into place.
8. I accidentally walked into a wall today. It could happen to anyone, so please don’t give me a hard time about it.
9. Walls may have ears, but at least they don’t have eyes. I can pick my nose in peace.
10. The consultants suggested moving the wall would open up the space, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere.
11. I was thinking of building a wall around my house to get more privacy. But my neighbors would be mortared if I did that.
12. My friend crashed his car into a brick wall. Don’t worry, he only suffered from minor bricklash.
Wall One-Liners
13. I’m very studious – I hit the books and the walls.
14. Karate classes have made my son an expert at breaking walls.
15. My wallpaper has an existential crisis every time I change its background.
16. If you give a man a wall, he’ll want to paint it.
17. Walls are just vertical floors if you think about it.
18. My walls are bare – they could really use some pictures to lighten up.
19. Knock knock. Who’s there? The wall. Yeah, it’s not good at telling jokes.
20. Walls have ears…which is weird because they don’t have faces.
21. Behind every wall is the structural support you didn’t know you needed.
22. My wall asked me to talk to the hand – the one in the painting hanging on it.
Best Wall Jokes
23. I was feeling a bit down so I talked to the wall. It was a great listener and really supported me.
24. Did you hear about the angry contractor who drove his truck through the building site, straight into a concrete wall? He had a short fuse and flew off the handle. Luckily no one was injured when he rammed into the wall, but it cracked under the pressure. The construction manager gave him a warning and said if he doesn’t control his road rage, he would hit the wall again! After cooling off for a bit, the contractor cemented things up with the manager and repainted the wall to cover up the damage.
25. My friend tried to run through a brick wall like they do in cartoons. Let’s just say he hit a cement roadblock and things got messy. The doctors tried patching him up but said he suffered severe wall-lash. We told him walls are there for a reason but he insisted on breaking on through to the other side. After this wallbanger mishap, I think he has finally learned that imitating cartoons can lead to some serious damage. Here’s hoping he doesn’t try any more wacky wall stunts in the future!
26. I recently installed some beautiful floral wallpaper in my bedroom. But in the middle of the night, I was startled awake by a crashing sound. Turns out, the wallpaper pattern came alive and tried climbing down the wall! Vines were dangling from the ceiling and roses were blooming right before my eyes. I had to call an emergency wallpaper removal service to contain the situation before thorny roses took over my entire bedroom! Moral of the story – make sure your wallpaper choices don’t come back to life, unless you want attack of the killer floral decor.
27. Yesterday I saw some guys trying to steal an entire brick wall, one brick at a time. But as they removed each brick, the wall just got shorter and shorter until it was completely gone! Then they somehow managed to roll up the now empty space where the wall used to be and drove off with it in their truck. The craziest part is that the house they stole it from is still standing! I have no idea how they pulled off swiping an entire wall or where they’re taking it, but it’s clear those guys weren’t deterred by any barriers to their theft.
28. My friend was bragging about how fast he could run, so I bet him $20 he couldn’t run through a wall. He backed up, got a running start, and slammed face first into the wall, knocking himself out cold. When he came to, I couldn’t stop laughing and asked him if he actually thought he could run through a solid wall! He said he got caught up in the moment and really thought he had super human strength. Needless to say, I won the $20 bet but I took my silly friend to the hospital just to be safe. I think he learned the hard way that you can’t crash through walls like the Kool-Aid man!
29. I came home to find my house missing one of its exterior walls. The roof was still there, defying gravity, and all my possessions sat in their usual places, exposed to the elements. I called the contractor in a panic, who arrived and calmly explained that this is normal for “open concept” homes. Apparently the latest trend is just eliminating walls entirely! Though I’m still puzzling over how the roof stays up, I’ve come to appreciate letting the outside in. Now I have a constant breeze and don’t need windows! Who needs privacy anyway when you can live cage-free, with every room open to the world?
30. A man opened his front door to find an exact brick-for-brick replica of his house’s wall standing upright on his front lawn. He waved his hand behind it and discovered nothing but open air. Shocked and confused, he walked inside and confirmed that his interior wall was indeed missing. This elaborate wall theft was too perplexing to report to the police, who would never believe him. So he hired an unethical contractor to steal the brick wall back from his front lawn and reassemble it inside his house. The man nervously spends every day hoping the exterior wall thief doesn’t retaliate by stealing another bizarre wall segment from his home.
31. Last night I woke up to a scraping sound and opened my eyes to see the floral wallpaper in my bedroom peel itself off the wall! The colorful roses shimmied up the wall as the vines wriggled across the ceiling. I froze in fear as the paper rolled itself up into a tight scroll and inched towards me like a snake. Just as it was about to pounce, I turned on the light and the wallpaper froze in place. Turns out I just had a crazy realistic nightmare! But I’ll be double-checking that floral print stays where it should from now on.
32. Yesterday started out like any other day until I walked outside and saw my entire house was missing its front wall! Furniture, paintings, and even a running faucet were exposed to the street. Then I looked across the road – my neighbor’s house was also missing its outer wall. In fact, every house on the block had an entire side of the structure removed. A construction crew soon arrived and explained they had been contracted by the city to conduct “routine wall removals” to meet their quota of exposed buildings. Apparently this was a new city ordinance I had never heard about! My shock quickly turned to frustration when the crew said they had no intention of putting the walls back. From now on, I’m keeping my eye out for any new city projects aimed at diminishing privacy and structural integrity in the name of so-called progress.
